hula hoops and hampster wheels

Sooo I can't spell that well, I love spell check -- but I have an issue.

Sometimes I have to apologize to customers -- and so I'll send them the email -- and I'll type --

inconvinence : incontinence comes up as the best guess at what I'm trying to spell.

I'm sorry you can't hold your bladder or bowels but here is the copy you requested...

I'm sure there are others -- that are bad -- but this is probably the worst one I can think of off hand.

So I live in Minnesota --- you are almost required by law to keep an abundance of crap in your trunk -- I have taken it to the next level and treat my little trunk like a traveling garage/closet/entertainment center.

If opened today you would find a plethora of crap that probably has not been used in ages:

• crochet hooks -- just in case I feel like making an afghan while commuting. Oh crap I missed a stich and my exit!
• books -- some half read -- some waiting to be read -- some never to be looked at again.
• camping chair - now this came in handy when we recently had RSC fun days and I didn't want to sit in the dirt/grass for fear of icky bugs -- but other than that -- it has just been taking up space.
• jumper cables -- for winter fun.
• windex and paper towels -- in case I need to clean something? Actually the towels did come in handy when I was out for the 4th of july - eating pizza by the river and we neglected to get napkins -- plus I had enough for Kenz& Si and Deann&Doug
• random clothes with stains
• socks -- you can never underestimate the power of fresh socks.
• shoes- flip flops - high heals- boots - tennis shoes - etc.
• deoderant -- that by today's heat is probably liquified.
• butterscotch candies and cinnamon disks -- just in case I'm stranded by the side of the road -- I know I'll have something to suck on besides my thumb.
• empty water bottles, diet coke cans, shoe boxes, yarn wrappers
• spare pillow and blanket -- in case i'm stuck sleeping somewhere where I need a blanket and pillow -- I don't want to have a Greenbay moment happen where I have to resort to covering up with a towel.
• my overnight bag -- this moves in and out as needed -- but I'm a boyscout with it -- I'm always prepared.
• yarn
• empty kleenex boxes
• a roll of toilet paper
• soap -- just in case I have to shower on the side of the road before i'm rescued. (actually they are really pretty soaps that I bought for myself for my birthday- but then never brought them in the house...
• cribbage board -- deck of cards
• another deck of cards -- that is missing some
• spare tire
• window washer fluid
• car manual
• bag of crap -- I don't even want to peak in there.

So -- I've spent too much time on here today --
and I don't want to lose my train of thought (hahah)

So this is a brief "to blog list" is for me to try and get to this week sometime.

• The crap in my trunk
• Garage Sales and junk I buy because it's a good deal
• Spell Checks bad suggestions
• Phone voice punishment...
• Bird Feeder Goodness
• Old Wives Tales -- I have the hiccups right this minute...
• The wonderful world of the bathroom
• The dumbest thing I've said today, and heard today...
• XYZ's Fun Day festivities
• Google: I love you, look what I found
• Fears of toilet paper
• more on the grieving process
• cats are people too
• my inability to tolerate infedity
• not so graceful moments
• political campaign, no it's a commercial for a kia...

I love JCP for the fact they have catalogs -- sometimes -- I'm feeling extra retro and don't like to order things online -- I'd rather flip through the catalog -- and then decided to check online to see if it's on sale. I have a pention for doing the roundabout way of doing things.

Well I found this blog by a gentleman JV -- he's hysterical - anyways -- you must click below:

http://15minutelunch.blogspot.com/2007/10/strap-in-shut-up-and-hold-on-were-going.html

I didn't find any of those items online -- gosh darnit, it'd be great if they had made a catalog like this for halloween-- I'm sure some of those items are stashed away in a warehouse. Imagine if you will the Smithsonian of JCP. I'm sure it would be a great Halloween outfitter -way more comfortable than the little red riding outfit i've been wearing for the past 2 years -- and this year -- it was so tight that it cut the circulation off --

It was a cold October evening -- I was dressed in my little red riding ho outfit looking very cute and whorish. It was halloween season - it's allowed! (it wasn't halloween proper - but the weekend before) I had on red tights and then fishnets over them & because I'm modest and a good girl a heart and then I had black spanks on over the fishnet/red tight combo. Well, I'm convinced that I was one more control top layer away from losing the capacity to walk. Yes, at this point I am completely sober.

I was getting ready to leave, felt a little dizzy, hadn't been drinking for hours -- just apple juice -- so I get out to my car. The house is off of 81 -- so a fairly busy road, but it's on a service road so it's away from the cars. A couple is outside drinking. I feel ill.
That's it -- I've got to pee -- I go back in - pee and leave.

I get out to my car still not feeling just right... I decided to take off my spanks, fishnets and tights, I luckly was able to peal them off in one fell swoop and a little "got getta the nylons off dance." I've got some hot pink hanes her ways on, and it's dark. More people come outside, I'm still in my little dress, still feel like crap -- maybe I'm alergic to apple juice, nah.

Well, I can't very well drive home in my underwear and bra -- it is October -- I'll be cold, even if I'm having hot flashes right now! There are people over there --- drunk, and although I'll never see them again -- except the ones I work with... I can't very well get undressed right here? Or can I? ...What do I have in my trunk? At this point I'm now dizzy and sweating and starting hear bells -- it must be this corset contraption on my little red riding hood outfit. I pop open my trunk to see a wonderful thing -- a pair of butt ugly teal fleece pajama pants I was giving my sister for christmas -- we have this ugly pajama thing we do at Christmas. Anyways -- The trunk is open, I'm hiding behind it and I can't see anyone -- Oh did I forget to tell you that a large marjority of Wowseo's police force is attending this party as they are my friend's friend's brother's friends? So here I am -- In a driveway -- off of a busy road -- getting dizzy -- putting on teal fleece pajama pants under my riding hood outfit -- Still not helping with the corsetesque bodice now making me lightheaded ... and sweating through my deoderant... I need a shirt -- I found one -- it's none other than my hair cut shirt. It's a gray tee shirt -- with a girl sitting on a stool cutting her dolls hair - the shirt must have been a factory reject becaue it's got some stitching on the collar bone -- and near the belly button region and it's came like that -- where did I find such a treasure? Oh Walgreens of course. It's a little girls shirt -- and is a little too small but it's got to be better than this dress.

I swiftly try to remove my dress but it's a little stuck... sucking in -- pulling the zipper down -- Ah! Freedom! Oh crap -- I didn't wear a bra with my dress--- oopps. I totally forgot about that -- ok shirt on quick. Shirt is on -- sort of -- but it must have been awhile since I've worn this shirt since I can't really move my arms in it. What else do I have -- I'm now completly sweat infected from hair and toes -- maybe my blood sugar dropped, who really knows? Voila --
amongst the 20 pairs of shoes, extra pillow and blanket, 2 winter coats, cd cases, books, bag of yarn - windex, lint roller, boggle, and of course a camping chair that's been there since July - I find it -- its a plain white shirt that has a mystery spill on the front of it -- I'll take it - it's large enough to move my arms and sit comfortably for the 20 minute drive home - I do the gym school trick remove the hair cut shirt and finally get in the car to go -- but I'm still feeling a little icky so I drink a sprite that I had in my car waiting for me -- knowing that I aways get thirsty when driving. Sprite opened -- I"m on my way. But now I can smell the shirt I am wearing -- God only knows how long it's been in my trunk -- it's truly grossing me out. But I think happy smells and finally arrive home to put on real pajamas -- a comfy thermal shirt and realax as I suffer the result of too much apple juice, by running to the bathroom.

Lesson learned: Don't wear clothes that don't fit, always keep a back up pair of pants shirt in your trunk, don't drink apple juice in large quantities if you know it gives you the trots, I should of had a slim fast - then I probably could have avoided this all together.

So date night was last night -- it was fun. We went with Plan B -- Plan A was go get something quick to eat -- head up Urbansprawlville to see Batman on the IMAX and go home and tottle off to bed. Well -- we went to the new theatre up there in the UrbanSprawlville, a little drive but mostly freeway -- but we knew if we went to the IMAX theatres closer to Dave's house -- there would be more people and we both dislike a crowded theatre -- even though we know that any showing of Batman would be pretty full. SOoo it seems as though everyone had the Sunday night idea -- thinking that the busy nights would be Friday and Saturday -- long story short --we drove up, and drove back -- sold out!

So the back up plan was to go to our usual theatre -- in Suburbia Grove - it's a nice theatre and almost all of the movies we've seen together (which is quite a few -- since we are very lame and lazy when planning dates) have been at said theatre -- but we didn't see Batman since he really wants to see it on IMAX and I frankly don't care -- I'm just agreeing to see it in hopes that he will go to Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants II with me next weekend or the weekend after -- cause you know the theatre will be packed for that one as well! God I love teeny bopper flicks -- cheesy weakness, I digress.

Anyways so we decided upon Step Brothers --- since- well he's basically stated that if no one else in the free world will go with me to see Mama Mia - we can rent it when it comes out, thanks honey. Oh well -- not everyone loves musicals or Meryl Streep like I do. Neither of us have seen X files 1 -- so we have an unwritten rule about sequels -- that we both must see the original or prequel before going -- so that also wipes out Hell Boy, since in the attempt to watch Hell Boy 1 last week -- after watching the Batman Begins and eating mashed potatoes, chicken, stuffing and of course a klondike bar--- I fell asleep -- shocking, I know. Sex in the City is on neither of our want to watch lists -- someones nose drives us both a little nuts. Then the other option was Wall-E -- not really in the mood to be depressed about the universe ending and a robot being responsible for saving the earth -- that might make me want to recycle and frankly -- I'm sticking to the notion that it is my first amendment right - not to believe in recycling.

So we run in and get tickets for Step Brother -- 7:45 show -- we have plenty of time to eat a real dinner - instead of fast food or sandwiches. So we head over to California Pizza Kitchen. It is agreed that I'm treating him to dinner. He got dinner last week -- it's my turn, I'm nuts sometimes. I like to pay for things - I like paying bills, I like treating to dinners and lunches -- everything eventually evens out in the wash- But our waiter -- who was pretty fantastic keeps looking down my shirt -- I'm pretty modest in my dress - but remember this was get pretty date night - so I'm wearing a boobie t-shirt. Super Dave is a little annoyed with our waiter -- I'm a little flattered but boobs are boobs and almost anyone has seen them - especially if you were that night on Lafayette -- bygones -- can I have one train of thought? -- We order some carbonated beverages -- soda/pop/soda-pop or whatever you wanna call it -- Coke n Diet Coke. Order our salads -- I drink my dc and my water -- uncontrollable thirst --we talk and eat the bill was about to come as I got up to pee -- so I peed -- while peeing -- Super Boyfriend had to pay the bill -- probably so he could be manly, and control my tip, and give the waiter an evil glare -- or else he was just saving time and paying the bill while I tinkled so we could get to the theatre. ps. -- I have issues with tipping -- I love to tip because I was a waitress many moons ago. (This is Captain Tangent -- I'm obviously going the some ADD turbulence please be patient)


Anyways back to dinner -- we had a lovely conversation --- it went something like this:

K: How was that car show yesterday?
D: It was fun, twice as many cars as last year?
K: So who all went?
D: Oh the guys Randy and Lisa were there, Bobby, Frank, Fred, Llyod, Ralph, etc.
K: So who did you hang out with on your Tour De Cars.
D: Rolling his eyes -- eh I visited with everyone but mostly walked around by myself.
K: Oh - ok that's cool (thinking: I could have walked around with you)
D: I'm thinking of getting out of Classic Cars.
K: Oh, really -- don't you love it?
D: Yes, It's fun -- but I just don't have the storage --
K: yeah -
D: I think I'm going to move into Motorcycles.
K: (Semi-choking on some avocado from my Cobb salad) Really?
D: Yeah, they take up less room -
K: Well how many cars do you have --
D: Too many
K: (at this point I only know of 2 - the two in the garage, 3 if he's counting the one I call my Enemy that is at his parents house but is his Dad's, so I'm confused) What's too many?
(Why has he kept this tid bit a secret I will never know -- he's a true man of mystery...)
D: Six
K: Where are they?
D: He explains where they are stored and ya-da-da
K: So motorcycles eh?
D: Yep.
K: They are so loud --
D: They make quiet ones.
K: So you just have the one right now?
D: Well I have one and then a mini bike -- it's red and shiny and be perfect for you --
(Obviously he has some sort of fantasy involving a revving engine between my thighs...)
K: So do you plan on going cross country - or to motorcycle shows? Do they have motorcycle clubs?
D: Yeah, that'd be fun -- I don't know yet though -- Yes, they have clubs and shows.
K: Do you have a motorcycle endorsement on your drivers' licence?
D: Scoffing -- No.
K: That's it - no motorcycles or I'm calling the authorities - haha, just promise me you won't do anything dumb like that story you heard about my dad -- (short version of said story: It was the 70's, he was drunk- drove his motorcycle into a bush after driving around a friends yard and passed out sitting on his bike.)
D: Shaking head -- Why don't you like them?
K: They are loud, and unsafe --
D: Cars are just as unsafe --
K: Protesting: Nah-uh
D: Just as dangerous as cars,
K: Well at least in a car accident the chances your body will remain in the vehicle are much greater.
D: Scoffing.
K: Fine. Do you want leather chaps for your birthday?
D: Laughing: No thank you.
K: Ok.
D: I'll get a motorcycle endorsement if it will make you feel better--
K: ok it will -- I love law abiding citizens.
D: You should get one too.
K: I'll think about it, but I'm more inclined to wear leather chaps, but I'll think about it.

So with Dave's hectic summer schedule -- weird overnight shifts at work and summer car show madness -- we've been having Sunday date nights. Tonight -- we are going out for dinner and to the IMAX theater to see the new batman movie. I'm excited -- we've been staying in lately -- nesting -- watching tv on the couch - making dinner not going out as much as is bound to happen with any relationship, but tonight -- I'm going to girlify myself -- possibly put on make up and try to do something with my hair to make it cute. My brows and upper lip were waxed yesterday and I feel a little more ambitious to be pretty.



However -- I suggested that I come over a little early -- so we could take a nap together, go out for dinner and then go to the movie -- he was more in favor of plan B --me coming over at 4:30 waking him up from his slumber and going out to dinner. He must really need a nap -- don't want to have a cranky Dave on my hands.



I was then informed that I would be driving, I don't mind really - He puts up with my driving and lack of direction, I prefer to have him drive but he likes to be a passenger once in awhile and I'm okay with that. Ok - so I needed to clean my car up a little bit-- I found lots of random things, a picnic blanket from XYZ Fun day -- which I have yet to blog about -- and several cds and a candy bar wrapper from when I was feeling my blood sugar drop while driving into work -- nothing says good morning like a 3 muskateers or some gummi lifesavers. I wiped up my diet cokes spills that are all over the center cup holders... I"m not very graceful at all let alone with beverages in the car. Dusted if you will the dashboard and doors -- got out the windex and did the mirrors and windows.

Now, It's time to think about what to wear --- right now I'm in this super comfortable -- although not so fashionable blue tee shirt and jeans... I might get a wave of ambition to go to the store and find a new shirt -- although that's probably not going to happen -- I need to pack my overnight bag but my work clothes are still in the dryer -- I think I"ll just slap on some make up and try to fix my hair.

I got a hair cut yesterday -- and it looked fantastic when I left -- and then this morning I tried to replicate that -- and I look more like a poodle than anything. I'm at the weird length -- I can't wear a proper ponytail, my hair is getting curlier -- and the humidity -- well the humidity is making it extra poofy.

Whatever will I do...

So after reading that bible quote below... I was thinking about all that love is -- and how it's always so tricky to define love and how even if you don't say you love someone everyday -- (which I think is a bit excessive and looses some of it's meaning if it just becomes a habit)


Dave hearts Kristen:

Love is putting up with my randomness, quirkiness and shaking your head when I've pushed a joke or saying to far.

Love is starting the dishes, even if you don't finish them, because you feel need to take a nap and you leave the sudsy water so I notice that you indeed attempted to do the dishes. Along the same lines--

Love is making sure I don't have the blasted plate that has a chip in it --- and kissing me on the forehead or neck while I'm doing the dishes that you started.

Love is when we wake up in the morning and it's not quite time to get up but you put your arm around me and pull me towards you to sleep snuggled together.

Love is wanting and expecting a "good morning" kiss, "good night" kiss and a "have a good day at work" kiss.

Love is helping me make your lunch/dinner/breakfast.

Love is letting me pick the chick flick once in awhile and or granting me rein over the remote.

Love is tickling my feet with the bristley 5 oclock shadow -- I know those feet are stinky too - since I've been wearing my sweaty trouser socks all day

Love is letting me cheat at UNO and other games.

Love is comforting me when I'm crying for no apparent reason.

Love is making fun of me for taking scalding hot showers - yet getting too hot in the hot tub.

Love is helping me finish my suduko puzzle but making sure you didn't fill in any wrong answers.

Love is drawing me little maps becuase you know I have a serious problem with directions.

Love is making me drive so that you can make fun of my lack of directions.


Kristen hearts Dave:

Love is finsihing the dishes that you started and the complimenting you on your attempts.

Love is accepting the fact that you do not like vegetables.

Love is taking an interest and reading your books and magzines about classic car parts, even if it is all greek to me.

Love is giving you backrubs, kisses, playing footsi, and our raspberry game.

Love is laughing and teasing and chin bites.

Love is taking a beano when I know we're going out for Mexican.

Love is changing your toilet paper roll becuase -- you somehow don't ever want to put a new roll on the holder.

Love is telling you how important, smart, funny, handsome, wonderful you are in everyday ways.

Love is vetoing the idea of a Bulldog -- becuase the hair and drool will be a bad thing with your allergies.

Love is helping you with yard work, shoveling the driveway and or just having a snowball fight for fun.

Love is trying seafood and pork because you love it.

So I was raised Catholic by my loving and once very religious mother. I have since left the church -- (this happened about a month after I was confirmed and I was only confirmed for fear of being grounded.)

My dad was borderline agnostic/athiest and always joked that he was a heathan. With his passing -- I am now reassured that it really doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you believe in anything or if you believe in everything. Relgion no matter what sect all tells the same stories -- has a similar diety or god for which to respect and frankly it's not my thing.

However -- just before my dad passed I attended my Great Uncle's funeral. He was a catholic convert -- converted for my auntie 60+ years ago (god I can't even imagine being married that long) And as you know, Catholics will have a Mass for everything -- for a wedding, for a funeral, for Sunday, for everyday actually... It's part of the tradition to have a long series of sitting, standing and kneeling crammed into one hour -- it's like aerobics for God.

So some things I do miss -- even though I don't believe in organized religon, heaven or hell, or the infailability of the pope.

I like bible verses, like the psalms or my favorite of all time: Corinthians.

• 1 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part; 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. 11 When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. 13 But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.
• I also like Hymms --I get to sing and no one gives me a dirty look...

So I never really put much into the 3 or so lottery tickets I buy a month. I have no rhyme or reason for when I purchase said tickets -- but it's just for fun -- just for the dream. $1 for an impossiblity to be a dream. Overated, maybe? Waste of time or money? Maybe?
but...
It's fun and since I'm really not that serious about it becomes yet another $3 -- but hey, its more enjoyable than paying for gas....

I am however serious about one thing -- If I ever win a substantial amount of money -- as in I would never have to work at a real job -- that my job would be investing money and whatever hobby /actvitiy job I created for --- I would buy my friend Jamie a pull out couch and pay to have her crappy love seat removed so that if I'm ever there hanging out I don't have to get a crick in my neck and knot in my back from couch sleeping.

As mentioned earlier today -- I like radio with songs -- bonified songs- lyrics- melodies etc. And this weekend of all weekend I am flipping through the radio stations as I'm heading home. Bad Country that comes in fuzzy. Rap-like beats that will give me a headache. Church talk radio. Best of all decades that keeps cutting out. My home radion stations that also cutting out -- where am I? I'm in some weird radio warp where nothing except NPR is working. So I listen --- and keep listening --and I get a little road rage with someone that cuts me off when he's merging on to the highway. I continue on -- listening to NPR -- even after I was well in radio range of my own personal station. NPR has hte ability to take over your mind. The hypnotic voices -- now I fully understand how it was on for 8 hours yesterday.

Shaking my head -- I should have just listened to Barry Manilow's greatest hits.

It's a beautiful day, fantastic indeed now that the humidity has dropped. Hallelujah.


So I don't go church, or have a religion - other than the residual recovering catholic effect. I'm convinced I've been branded to always feel guilty for any wrong doing, poor judgement etc. and I do expect people to do unto others and obey the golden rule bs taught in Sunday schools from sea to shining sea and beyond.

I don't believe in God --- as in the God of judgement and condemnation, but more of just design. I don't believe in Heaven or Hell -- or Jesus. Mary or the 12 apostles, saints or popes or prayers.

But what about the afterlife then? What about this Build your own Utopia - that Heaven is whatever you want it to be. I remember this from 1st or 2nd grade when there was a discussion and explanation of Heaven -- and some girl said her Heaven would be filled with Barbie Dolls. For a long time- I've struggled with this what happens when you die - and although some may find great comfort in the idea of Heaven -- I don't. I don't believe in Hell -- because I frankly believe Hell was just invented as the ultimate punishment and a great scare tactic tool to ingrain on the believers of whatever the big bad bible said. I do however believe in a soul -- that we are all more than just a body -- that we die and pass through time and space. I think of the soul as an Orb and I envision that Orbs float and gather -- usually in familial or friendship groups -- and they might choose to watch the happenings on earth in the current time and place in which they died -- or else they go on and Orb about a bit. I know this is little morbid -- but I guess I envision a cluster of spirit orbs -- gathering together waiting for new friends and family or celebrity entertainers to join them.

This might sound odd -- yes, but this is my take on the afterlife.

I know, it's wacky -- but I just can't think that all we are is worm food or dust when we die -- yes, we live on in memories after we pass -- but I can't disregard the premise of a soul. So if you must, the Orb situation would be my heaven -- but there is no hell, or purgatory -- it's just the way it is. So My Dad & Grandparents, might be orbing around with my friends grandparents, and cousins and aunts & uncles and whatever and it's some how become this version 7 degrees of separation from the living. Orborific.

The Lil Green Patch and Scrable applications on facebook are my guilty pleasures. I like them -- they can keep me enthralled for hours. Sending plants, editing my patch, gardenining without working up a sweat or getting dirt in my fingernails. It's really quite amazing how laziness and a dream to save the rainforests was someones motivation to create lil green patch -- and what is even more amazing it has captivated my atttention span this long. Now, I'll be honest --I'm not doing it to save the rainforests. I hate recycling , and being green -- again, laziness coming into play -- but I do like the strawberry shortcakesque charachters and virtual flora that I can give and receive among my greenie friends. Lame but true.


Scramble also is taking over my time -- searching for crappy words I never use. I really should be blogging instead of playing this addicting game,. BUt alas a friend introduced me to this new game --- picross... and yes I can see if I don't nip it in the bud now -- this too will be another bonified time waster.

you guessed it -- fecal matter: goes to Miss Ava.


http://perpetuallysingle.blogspot.com/2008/07/peanut-butter-knife.html

I haven't laughed so hard in a long time.

So this weekend was Gwendolyn's fantastic birthday bash weekend. It has been a nice weekend -- however not the usual for what I expect for a weekend in LaCrosse.

Let's start with the usual -- Usually we end up drinking, a lot, or more than my poor liver likes. (so in my terms that means more than 2 beers in a 24 hour period.) This also involves going from bar to bar sampling the fine establishments in downtown LaCrosse. Seriously -- there are bars everywhere -- and alcohol in LaCrosse is kept at competitive prices to suit the needs of many college students and 20/30 somethings who live here. Ok so one must be prepared -- somewhat sensible shoes are must, and 20 dollars is normally enough to get you good and drunk off your ass -- but for a birthday weekend, fancy drinks or shots might be required so maybe 40 tops and that should be enough to have a cab ride home. SO very economical for the weekend binge... how delightful. After consuming large amounts of alcohol, I'm normally up at 5:30 with horrible post-beer poo poos and a headache. This was not the case today.


Our Saturday birthday extravaganza was off to bad start when I spent hours -- wasted on listening to NPR. Now, mind you I like my radio with a certain kind of element, most will call this ridiculous -- but I like songs. I was mildly entertained for awhile -- but then craved TV, or real radio - not just podcast after podcast after podcast. No joke -- 9-5 of talk radio is enough to make me well, eager for alcohol. After we all got dressed for the day - we headed to Buzzard Billies - had a delightful meal -- followed by ice cream which I was to overstuffed to partake in. And now at 7:30 in the morning I have a sweet tooth and ice cream sounds delicious.

After dinner I inquired as to what we were going to do -- well we were going to go to someones house and watch tv and veg out for a little bit, maybe play games and start drinking. Woo hoo -- ok a plan. I love plans. After we have flipped -- or Jamie has flipped rather, we are all in tv la la land and are entranced by the happenings on Degrassi and Queen Bees- The Soup and some all in a week show -- we're laughing and playing games. Pretty soon the clock was way later than it should have been and we are going to McDonald's, quarter to midnight-- to get a snack, I'm not wasted and it's almost midnight, this is not how I envisioned this -- I'm sure Gwendolyn has not pictured this either- --but we are at McDonald's getting snacks -- I'm not hungry at all really -- but I know if I don't get anything -- I will suffer a horrible case of McDonald's envy and so alas I get the old stand by - the number 1. It is fantastic. I love it.
We return to the house with the air conditioning and tv and no NPR Podcasts anywhere to be seen. We eat. Now we are in the current moment. I'm wide awake. I've been up for almost two hours with painful stomach clenching gas that is both loud and smellier than Jamie's fridge, and a headache. It's like I'm hungover from McDonalds. I had a great time -- it was very mellow -- but I was a little pumped to be reckless and intoxicated. Yep, maybe I'm too old for that Shenanigans.

so I've created a separate blog for my fiction exercises.

viola:

http://kristenraewrites.blogspot.com/

So I normally try to avoid hitting things while driving. I've never hit a person, or pet, or turtle or goose or duck -- I'm sure I've squished some bugs -- but never a four legged animal. I've never hit another car -- maybe a traffic cone back in the "let practice parallel parking"days.

I was driving to the picturesque country road -- lots of curves -- nice tree lines -- cute country homes... then I got to the stop sign -- went through and then it turned into town home central.. ugh they are popping up everywhere -- that's topic for another blog... in the street was a squirrel.

He's made it to the other side -- on no, he's running back --- on no he's turned around again -- I swerve -- and hit him. Thump. I look in my rearview mirror -- no twitching, no movement -- I killed a squirrel and I tried to miss him!

Sorry squirrelly! I didn't mean too!

So my grandma is 84 -- she's pretty hip though -- she has a little email device to stay in touch with everyone. And she loves forwards!

Today's forward, was pretty good - I hadn't seen it before -- but then again I don't really read them much - and I read hers in case she added a little note.

Garfiel on the Oil Crisis

A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country.
Well, there's a very simple answer.
~~~ Nobody bothered to check the oil.
~~~ We just didn't know we were getting low.
~~~ The reason for that is purely geographical.
~~~ Our OIL is located in
~~~ Alaska
~~~ California
~~~ Coastal Florida
~~~ Coastal Louisiana
~~~ Kansas
~~~ Oklahoma
~~~ Pennsylvania and Texas
~~~ Our DIPSTICKS are located in Washington , DC!!! Any Questions??? NO? Didn't think So.

There are too many things to do in a day -- there are a million things that I'd love to be able to do -- but when it comes down to it -- watching tv, playing online, doing laundry and dishes or other not so fun stuff comes first and by the time I get a chance -- the sidewalks are rolled up or the more I think about doing said things -- the more attractive a nap sounds. I mentioned in an earlier post I've been more tired than usual...



I wish I could make more time to garden, or play with yarn or read, or go on nature walks, or go to the gym (ps. 3 mo membership = 5 trips to the gym -- oops) Go take photos of neat stuff. Paint pretty pictures. Write. Do some sort of volunteering or good for mankind. Play games, cards etc. Word on crosswords, cryptos and sudukos -- (do I sound like an old woman or what?) I probably could do these things -- but I'd miss vegging out, watching tv, eating, sleeping, bathing, laundry, dishes & life stuff.



There are a few things though that sound like great ideas -- but in all reality they would most likely end in disaster.



For example -- taking the Amtrak trip around the perimeter of the continental US... Sounds good -- but would actually equal -smelly, tired, cranky Kristen wanting to go home after 2 days.



Go on a hot air balloon ride. It sounds romantic and fun - but the height thing would probably require me to take some valium and then I'd probably fall asleep- or without the valium, I'd probably barf in to the wind and get more than some on me. Then barf again after seeing/smelling vomit. Thowing up is not my forte.


Adopting a Highway. Ok so this isn't exactly up my alley -- nor does it sound glamourous, adventurous and or fun -- but I think of weird things when I'm in the car for 2 hours a day... Ok back to Adopting a Highway -- it would be great to be a part of an organization or group that cared so much about litter -- however I don't give a crap -- I just started recycling, and I'm not that good at it.

Trying new and interesting food at the trendiest of restraunts. Ok, I like some new food -- I just want something on the menu to be recognizable - and I have a list of food that I know I don't like and or do not want to try. But, I'm honest here -- I'm not trendy -- I like mom and pop type family restaunts and national chains, I don't like restraunts with one word names that make me wonder if it is a resturant at all...

I hated pop ups -- so voila pop blocker installed. Haven't seen a pop up in ages!

I hate advertisements on every site esp. facebook, myspace, yahoo that are seemingly trying to gear themself toward me...

I am not about to try a miracle diet to lose 85 inches from midsection. Nor do I think this is humanly possible --- alas I swear I've seen the ad a million times.

I am not bipolar and do not wish to join your study. Thank you very much Stanford.

I don't care what Jennifer Aniston's IQ is.

I am not planning a wedding -- I do not need to exoctic honeymoon destinations.

I am not having a baby -- I don't need coupons for diapers.

Yes, I'm 27 and no, I do not need to refinance my non-existant mortage.

I do not wish to make a Twinky wear whatever I want it to wear.

I said, I'm not planning a wedding and do not need to look at engagement rings.

I don't want to try and zap something to get free ringtones. I like the boring ones that came with the phone -- or else I've already downloaded the ones I want just in case I get sick of the standard ones.

I really don't give a shit about dishsoap -- I'm a Palmolive girl and I'm proud.

Obama -- not so sure about you at the moment.

McCain-- not so sure about you either.

I don't care who's been looking for me on the internet -- seriously I'm not that interesting ---

Seriously , I'm not bipolar.

Nor, am I depressed -- but show me one more ad and I'll show you fury!!!

Ok rant complete.

cherrio!

So I've been tired -- it could be my period -- My body is all out of whack -- it shouldn't be since I'm very particular and exact with my anti-baby medication. However I'm tired. More this week than any other - It could be the new job -- and getting used to the Canadians... it could be a million things. So I went to the organic section of my grocery store today. And picked up Metabolic Advantage thyroid formula. I'm also very diligent about taking my thyroid pill... however -- with the recent life events and added stress and moodieness -- I think my current Rx isn't cutting the cake.

So I found this product via my mom who is friends with the Organic Lady at the grocery store -- who also suffers from abnormal thyroid issues similar to mine. We've both tried the coconut oil remedy and all though it's lovely to coat your mouth with oily fat that smells great -- it's not the best experience in the world.

So Organic Guru Ellen - showed some of the herbal supplements that she has tried. And I decdied to give one of them a try --- she said she saw an improvement in less than a week -- I'm being a skeptic but we shall see. Oh bonus -- it's labeled at a Weight Loss pill... so maybe it will have a dual effect - but I'm not so hopeful.

I laugh at dumb things -- like laffy taffy jokes. Puns. KS95s senseless survey -- http://www.ks95.com/ has the link to listen to the Senseless bureau questionaires. Sometimes I laugh so hard at this it hurts.

I laugh if I fall or if accidently get pink highlighter all over my face but no one points it out until a couple hours after the fact and then Jacque is practically rolling on the floor telling everyone to go look at my face. I laugh because I know I'm not graceful -and It easy to laugh at me -- I do some ridiculous things.

I laugh at anchor people mis prounoucing words -- and not in a word snob way -- just in a ha, ha way

I laugh at my cats for being goofy.

Dave makes me laugh.

I laugh at goofy sidebars that the weatherman I affectionately call Douchie* spouts during his moring forecast -- (*short for douche bag -- no, I don't know him personally -- and the name stays the same - even if I change the channel -- maybe I have some disorder for hating weather-people?)

I laugh at the quanitity of coke I drink in a day. I laugh that my coworks want to get me canisters for my desk so I can organize my candies and treats.

I laugh when they come to me for chocolate and all I have left for them are dum dums from Halloween -- or nasty easter eggs and tin foil wrapped bunnies.

I laugh at cute kids at restraunts sticking french fries up their gums to become a wallrus.

Yep, I'll laugh at anything.

Kids are cute and adorable -- but I am in no ready to be a mommy.



1. I like to sleep through the night. I can't imagine getting up every time a baby cried or needed a feeding, or when they are bigger and have nightmares or can't sleep. I fall asleep and like to stay that way.



2. I think bodily fluids are gross. I almost gag when I see someone else throw up -- or faint at the sight of blood. I know spit up, pee, poo, snot, drool and come with the baby territory but I frankly don't want to deal with the icky stuff.



3. I like alone time.



4. I like only being responsible for me -- If I f-up I live with it -- and it usually doesn't effect anyone else.



5. I have no idea how I will present morals without using the bible.

6. I have a million other issues -- but one day maybe I'll be able to move past them -- until then- no babies.

When I go shopping for books -- I wander aimlessly through the fiction section -- picking up books, reading blurbs on the back or inside cover -- judging them -- for the covers, titles, authors name -- trying so desperatly to find a book that will speak to me. So I'll open them up and tryto Aread the first couple of pages --- Or maybe just the first paragraph -- try to get a feel for the writer's tone and voice... blah blah blah -- but then you come to find out that they have given the main charachter has a horrible name -- that is either a. unprounoucable - so I feel like I'm reading Russian or Lativan - or sooo cheesy that it makes my heart ache for the charachter. Yep, I'm a judger.

I like books with the matte finish -- as opposed to the glossy finish. But I'm not opposed to reading these glossy books as I once was. I read more paper back books than hardcover -- and I have recently started approving of the mass paperback format sold in grocery stores and drug stores. I used to roll my eyes at these books -- but now they are fair game. Also they are usually 1/2 the price of snobby full sized books. Bonus if you are on a book budget.

I like to read multiple things at the same time. As of today, I'm reading Salem Falls -- by Jodi Piccoult. Vanishing Acts - also by Jodi (this one is at Dave's house for when we are reading in bed together) I just started Stupid and Contagious --- which has two poorly named charchters -- Heaven and Brady... but we'll see if I can get past that. At work I have a book The amazing adventours of the Hunt Sisters -- for when I'm lame and stay inside for lunch, but lately I've been Jamba Juicing it for lunch. I've started Firefly Lane -- and then put it down when my dad died -- it's written by Kristin Hannah -- and her books always make me cry, so it's on the back burner right now. I have Love in the Time of Cholera on my night stand and I can't seem to get past page 12. Maybe I have some sort of reader's a.d.d.... who knows.

Soo I like movies--- more than I should -- Lately I've been escaping in my movie watching --

Some movies that might be worth a gander, or not so much...

Waitress -- Chic Flick B+
Sentence that sums the plot:
I'm pregnant with an assholes baby and I like to make pies.
Moral of the story:
Don't marry an asshole, be yourself and be a real friend - even to unlikely people.

Ratatoille -- Cute. Animated/Pixarated A-
Sentence that sums the plot:
A rat is a cook and a critic acts like a rat and a boy uses a rat to become a cook.
Moral of the story:
You can be who you want to be and do what you want to do.


27 Dresses -- Chic Flick A
Sentence that sums the plot.
A bridesmaid finally gets the chance to put herself first and be the bride.
Moral of the story:
Don't have your bridesmaid where an ugly dress or she might make you wear it one day, or adversly -- You might find love in unexpectant places and office dating is a no-no- and sisters can be bitches.


PS I love you -- tear jerking - chic flick B-
Sentence that sums the plot.
A widow gets an adventure from her recently deceased husband.
Moral of the Story: Live in all the moments -- even the little ones.

Ironman - action flick -- C-
Sentence that sums the plot: A fancy suit mixed with technology can save the world from evil.
Moral of the Story: I missed it -- I had to pee half way through and was hoping it was going to be over -- but it wasn't

Made of Honor -- B
Sentence that sums the plot: Girl's best friend is in love with girl as she is about to get married.
Moral of the Story: Girl should stick to best friends who do not have romantic feelings for them.

Indiana Jones --- B
Sentence that sums the plot: Long lost loves reunite -- a man discovers he's a father -- they all work together to end coruption and in the end it's all the aliens fault.
Moral of the Story: Be as old as you feel you are.