So -- I've spent too much time on here today --
and I don't want to lose my train of thought (hahah)
So this is a brief "to blog list" is for me to try and get to this week sometime.
- The crap in my trunk
- Garage Sales and junk I buy because it's a good deal
- Spell Checks bad suggestions
- Phone voice punishment...
- Bird Feeder Goodness
- Old Wives Tales -- I have the hiccups right this minute...
- The wonderful world of the bathroom
- The dumbest thing I've said today, and heard today...
- XYZ's Fun Day festivities
- Google: I love you, look what I found
- Fears of toilet paper
- more on the grieving process
- cats are people too
- my inability to tolerate infedity
- not so graceful moments
- political campaign, no it's a commercial for a kia...
I love JCP for the fact they have catalogs -- sometimes -- I'm feeling extra retro and don't like to order things online -- I'd rather flip through the catalog -- and then decided to check online to see if it's on sale. I have a pention for doing the roundabout way of doing things.
Well I found this blog by a gentleman JV -- he's hysterical - anyways -- you must click below:
http://15minutelunch.blogspot.com/2007/10/strap-in-shut-up-and-hold-on-were-going.html
I didn't find any of those items online -- gosh darnit, it'd be great if they had made a catalog like this for halloween-- I'm sure some of those items are stashed away in a warehouse. Imagine if you will the Smithsonian of JCP. I'm sure it would be a great Halloween outfitter -way more comfortable than the little red riding outfit i've been wearing for the past 2 years -- and this year -- it was so tight that it cut the circulation off --
It was a cold October evening -- I was dressed in my little red riding ho outfit looking very cute and whorish. It was halloween season - it's allowed! (it wasn't halloween proper - but the weekend before) I had on red tights and then fishnets over them & because I'm modest and a good girl a heart and then I had black spanks on over the fishnet/red tight combo. Well, I'm convinced that I was one more control top layer away from losing the capacity to walk. Yes, at this point I am completely sober.
I was getting ready to leave, felt a little dizzy, hadn't been drinking for hours -- just apple juice -- so I get out to my car. The house is off of 81 -- so a fairly busy road, but it's on a service road so it's away from the cars. A couple is outside drinking. I feel ill.
That's it -- I've got to pee -- I go back in - pee and leave.
I get out to my car still not feeling just right... I decided to take off my spanks, fishnets and tights, I luckly was able to peal them off in one fell swoop and a little "got getta the nylons off dance." I've got some hot pink hanes her ways on, and it's dark. More people come outside, I'm still in my little dress, still feel like crap -- maybe I'm alergic to apple juice, nah.
Well, I can't very well drive home in my underwear and bra -- it is October -- I'll be cold, even if I'm having hot flashes right now! There are people over there --- drunk, and although I'll never see them again -- except the ones I work with... I can't very well get undressed right here? Or can I? ...What do I have in my trunk? At this point I'm now dizzy and sweating and starting hear bells -- it must be this corset contraption on my little red riding hood outfit. I pop open my trunk to see a wonderful thing -- a pair of butt ugly teal fleece pajama pants I was giving my sister for christmas -- we have this ugly pajama thing we do at Christmas. Anyways -- The trunk is open, I'm hiding behind it and I can't see anyone -- Oh did I forget to tell you that a large marjority of Wowseo's police force is attending this party as they are my friend's friend's brother's friends? So here I am -- In a driveway -- off of a busy road -- getting dizzy -- putting on teal fleece pajama pants under my riding hood outfit -- Still not helping with the corsetesque bodice now making me lightheaded ... and sweating through my deoderant... I need a shirt -- I found one -- it's none other than my hair cut shirt. It's a gray tee shirt -- with a girl sitting on a stool cutting her dolls hair - the shirt must have been a factory reject becaue it's got some stitching on the collar bone -- and near the belly button region and it's came like that -- where did I find such a treasure? Oh Walgreens of course. It's a little girls shirt -- and is a little too small but it's got to be better than this dress.
I swiftly try to remove my dress but it's a little stuck... sucking in -- pulling the zipper down -- Ah! Freedom! Oh crap -- I didn't wear a bra with my dress--- oopps. I totally forgot about that -- ok shirt on quick. Shirt is on -- sort of -- but it must have been awhile since I've worn this shirt since I can't really move my arms in it. What else do I have -- I'm now completly sweat infected from hair and toes -- maybe my blood sugar dropped, who really knows? Voila --
amongst the 20 pairs of shoes, extra pillow and blanket, 2 winter coats, cd cases, books, bag of yarn - windex, lint roller, boggle, and of course a camping chair that's been there since July - I find it -- its a plain white shirt that has a mystery spill on the front of it -- I'll take it - it's large enough to move my arms and sit comfortably for the 20 minute drive home - I do the gym school trick remove the hair cut shirt and finally get in the car to go -- but I'm still feeling a little icky so I drink a sprite that I had in my car waiting for me -- knowing that I aways get thirsty when driving. Sprite opened -- I"m on my way. But now I can smell the shirt I am wearing -- God only knows how long it's been in my trunk -- it's truly grossing me out. But I think happy smells and finally arrive home to put on real pajamas -- a comfy thermal shirt and realax as I suffer the result of too much apple juice, by running to the bathroom.
Lesson learned: Don't wear clothes that don't fit, always keep a back up pair of pants shirt in your trunk, don't drink apple juice in large quantities if you know it gives you the trots, I should of had a slim fast - then I probably could have avoided this all together.
So date night was last night -- it was fun. We went with Plan B -- Plan A was go get something quick to eat -- head up Urbansprawlville to see Batman on the IMAX and go home and tottle off to bed. Well -- we went to the new theatre up there in the UrbanSprawlville, a little drive but mostly freeway -- but we knew if we went to the IMAX theatres closer to Dave's house -- there would be more people and we both dislike a crowded theatre -- even though we know that any showing of Batman would be pretty full. SOoo it seems as though everyone had the Sunday night idea -- thinking that the busy nights would be Friday and Saturday -- long story short --we drove up, and drove back -- sold out!
So the back up plan was to go to our usual theatre -- in Suburbia Grove - it's a nice theatre and almost all of the movies we've seen together (which is quite a few -- since we are very lame and lazy when planning dates) have been at said theatre -- but we didn't see Batman since he really wants to see it on IMAX and I frankly don't care -- I'm just agreeing to see it in hopes that he will go to Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants II with me next weekend or the weekend after -- cause you know the theatre will be packed for that one as well! God I love teeny bopper flicks -- cheesy weakness, I digress.
Anyways so we decided upon Step Brothers --- since- well he's basically stated that if no one else in the free world will go with me to see Mama Mia - we can rent it when it comes out, thanks honey. Oh well -- not everyone loves musicals or Meryl Streep like I do. Neither of us have seen X files 1 -- so we have an unwritten rule about sequels -- that we both must see the original or prequel before going -- so that also wipes out Hell Boy, since in the attempt to watch Hell Boy 1 last week -- after watching the Batman Begins and eating mashed potatoes, chicken, stuffing and of course a klondike bar--- I fell asleep -- shocking, I know. Sex in the City is on neither of our want to watch lists -- someones nose drives us both a little nuts. Then the other option was Wall-E -- not really in the mood to be depressed about the universe ending and a robot being responsible for saving the earth -- that might make me want to recycle and frankly -- I'm sticking to the notion that it is my first amendment right - not to believe in recycling.
So we run in and get tickets for Step Brother -- 7:45 show -- we have plenty of time to eat a real dinner - instead of fast food or sandwiches. So we head over to California Pizza Kitchen. It is agreed that I'm treating him to dinner. He got dinner last week -- it's my turn, I'm nuts sometimes. I like to pay for things - I like paying bills, I like treating to dinners and lunches -- everything eventually evens out in the wash- But our waiter -- who was pretty fantastic keeps looking down my shirt -- I'm pretty modest in my dress - but remember this was get pretty date night - so I'm wearing a boobie t-shirt. Super Dave is a little annoyed with our waiter -- I'm a little flattered but boobs are boobs and almost anyone has seen them - especially if you were that night on Lafayette -- bygones -- can I have one train of thought? -- We order some carbonated beverages -- soda/pop/soda-pop or whatever you wanna call it -- Coke n Diet Coke. Order our salads -- I drink my dc and my water -- uncontrollable thirst --we talk and eat the bill was about to come as I got up to pee -- so I peed -- while peeing -- Super Boyfriend had to pay the bill -- probably so he could be manly, and control my tip, and give the waiter an evil glare -- or else he was just saving time and paying the bill while I tinkled so we could get to the theatre. ps. -- I have issues with tipping -- I love to tip because I was a waitress many moons ago. (This is Captain Tangent -- I'm obviously going the some ADD turbulence please be patient)
Anyways back to dinner -- we had a lovely conversation --- it went something like this:
K: How was that car show yesterday?
D: It was fun, twice as many cars as last year?
K: So who all went?
D: Oh the guys Randy and Lisa were there, Bobby, Frank, Fred, Llyod, Ralph, etc.
K: So who did you hang out with on your Tour De Cars.
D: Rolling his eyes -- eh I visited with everyone but mostly walked around by myself.
K: Oh - ok that's cool (thinking: I could have walked around with you)
D: I'm thinking of getting out of Classic Cars.
K: Oh, really -- don't you love it?
D: Yes, It's fun -- but I just don't have the storage --
K: yeah -
D: I think I'm going to move into Motorcycles.
K: (Semi-choking on some avocado from my Cobb salad) Really?
D: Yeah, they take up less room -
K: Well how many cars do you have --
D: Too many
K: (at this point I only know of 2 - the two in the garage, 3 if he's counting the one I call my Enemy that is at his parents house but is his Dad's, so I'm confused) What's too many?
(Why has he kept this tid bit a secret I will never know -- he's a true man of mystery...)
D: Six
K: Where are they?
D: He explains where they are stored and ya-da-da
K: So motorcycles eh?
D: Yep.
K: They are so loud --
D: They make quiet ones.
K: So you just have the one right now?
D: Well I have one and then a mini bike -- it's red and shiny and be perfect for you --
(Obviously he has some sort of fantasy involving a revving engine between my thighs...)
K: So do you plan on going cross country - or to motorcycle shows? Do they have motorcycle clubs?
D: Yeah, that'd be fun -- I don't know yet though -- Yes, they have clubs and shows.
K: Do you have a motorcycle endorsement on your drivers' licence?
D: Scoffing -- No.
K: That's it - no motorcycles or I'm calling the authorities - haha, just promise me you won't do anything dumb like that story you heard about my dad -- (short version of said story: It was the 70's, he was drunk- drove his motorcycle into a bush after driving around a friends yard and passed out sitting on his bike.)
D: Shaking head -- Why don't you like them?
K: They are loud, and unsafe --
D: Cars are just as unsafe --
K: Protesting: Nah-uh
D: Just as dangerous as cars,
K: Well at least in a car accident the chances your body will remain in the vehicle are much greater.
D: Scoffing.
K: Fine. Do you want leather chaps for your birthday?
D: Laughing: No thank you.
K: Ok.
D: I'll get a motorcycle endorsement if it will make you feel better--
K: ok it will -- I love law abiding citizens.
D: You should get one too.
K: I'll think about it, but I'm more inclined to wear leather chaps, but I'll think about it.
