hula hoops and hampster wheels

I suppose this method will also work to cure insomnia.

There are couple things you need in order for this to be funtional.

A tv
dvd player
old dvds that you've seen a million times.
bed or couch where you can be comforatable facing away from the tv but still able to hear it.


Last night's movie choice was My Best Friend's Wedding.

I know I swore of chick flicks but nothing was on TV and I had this brilliant idea of how to fall asleep to make my headache go away.

Pop the dvd in - turn the tv on - all that highly technical mumbo jumbo that I will not explain because a) you know how to do it b) I'm not able to upload a fancy flow chart to explain it so why bother? c) you don't really care that much.

Ok go to the set up features and most have the option to change the language of the audio to a language that you are not fluent in - spanish and french seem to be the top contenders in this area of optionability. (yes i just made that word up)

I selected French - since I know a little, but choose whichever is available or tickles your fancy.

I start the movie.

I watch part of it - i.e. the first 20 minutes or so - with english subtitles at the bottom so I can see how much editing they had to do to make the mouths match the french words vs the english ones.

This gets annoying after awhile. Even in it's native tongue any tv or movie that's sound doesn't correlate properly with lip movement drives me a little bonkers and enduces a vertigo like symptom - well the solution is to roll over and away from the tv

Now just listen to the funny french words -- see if you can picture where in the movie they are. Sneek a peak once in awhile if you must. But if you can stay strong the babble in the background is sure to put you to sleep or alternatively drive you mad. It's 50/50.


My next test is to find out if the directors commentary on steel magnolias is also tri-lingual.

So I've made it through 6 months of grieving. I'm not sure I'm any more adjusted than before. I'm getting used to the changes but it's all very unsettling.

And now with the holidays coming. I'm not full of cheer and quite frankly not looking forward to anything from Thanksgiving through New Years.

I've been put in a predicament where now instead of living at home to save money, I'm living at home to support my mother. Granted my brother helps with some things, mostly his things- and 1/3 of the utilities that I enforced shortly before my dad passed since he's always lived at home and never contributed anything but his angst and temper tantrums and I know everything attitude.

So I don't bear the burden alone but his contributions are fixed since he works in retail and I get the joy of covering the remaining balance, since my mother can't cause she only works part time. I've been helping with household crap since forever, but some how my siblings got out of learning this responsibility lesson and I'm a little bitter.

Apparently it's a o k from me to the responsible one, where my brother can go out and spend oodles of money on going to concerts, getting a guided fishing tour for summer weekend, spend nights out with his friends dinner and drinks, not to mention he buys whatever he wants. And it's never the toilet paper.

But he really pissed me off this week as if I'm not irritated enough with him.
Apparently the groceries I bring home are for the whole household and the groceries he brings home are just for him unless he offers.

The other day I needed pastries- so I brought home a danish. Now I didn't want to eat the whole thing -- and as I was eating my dinner - he asked if he could have some. Fine.

So by the time I get up to get a piece of my Danish - 3/4 of it are missing from the pan. I know my mom had a piece - but seriously - my brother ate half the pan - and I was left with 2 small pieces. SO I had one and though - Oh I'll have the last of it in the morning. EVERYONE knows my rule about eating the last of something and they don't.

WELL I was wrong - the butt head ate 1/2 of my danish and then the last small piece while I WAS SLEEPING.

What does a girl have to do to enjoy a good pastry?

Ok Ava. Message heard.

I will be taking a hiatus from jumping back into dating. Let's face facts I'm not ready and it would only be rebound frills and that's not good for anyone. I'm too old to be slutty and want sometime within the next decade to find something wholesome and substansial. I guess sometimes you aren't supposed to get back up on the horse and my total annoyance with every Penis bearing guy out there is proof in the pudding. (yes, I'm full of cliches today.)

I watched Bridget Jones's last night and I am Bridget without the happy ending. Sooo I must sing really bad lite FM ballads at the top of my lungs and tend to my cat, make some blue soup, and maybe afterawhile I'll try and try again. But at least not until after my birthday when I have 28-yr old version of my 27-yr old crisis.

But until then maybe I'll write a little more, or paint a little more definetly not watch anymore chick flicks that will remind me of all the gooey stuff I miss. It might be time to go to the yarn store and stock up on winter crafts to keep me productive. I did just watch a fabulous episode of the late great Bob Ross and his oil painting adventures.


Also in the meantime I'm looking into purchasing a new buzz toy. The current buzzer has lived a long life circa 2003, (amazing eh?) and it really is time to put the "eager beaver" to rest. Suggestions welcome.

On my last dating expidition - I ran into some weirdos - but some nice guys too.
I even have my aim buddy list broken into several catergories
- nice guys
- too far away guys
- bad dates
- losers
- boring guys
- annoying sex crazed maniacs

Well I'm a little more choosey about who I wast time chatting with this go arround.

Here are some of the disqualifiers/red flags:

Pass judgement on me if you will but a girl has to have standards.

The NO Way Jose List:
No education after highschool.
Unemployed.
Religious Zealots.
Felons.
Liars.
Cheaters.
No car.
Baby on the way with another woman.
Bad teeth.
Creepy eyes.
Drug use.
Big Drinkers.
Illiterate.
Self-Centered
Egotistical.
Possesing any bastard like qualities.
Youger than 27.
Older than 38.
Weird facial piercings or otherwise.
Dredlocks.
Catergorized as Seperated
Catergorized as Married
Lying about marital status: i.e. One sites profile says Divorced and the other says: Never Married (and he's sent me messages from both.)
Baldness unless it really does work for him.
Beards. Some facial hair is ok - but no full beards.
No hatred of cats.

Ok so I haven't been writing anything on my other adjacent fiction only blog as of late.

Part of the reason - honestly is laziness. The other is after wandering around bookstores and reading blurb after blurb on amazon I felt as though there are no new stories left to be told. I know, I know this is not a news flash. There are only so many plots and the difference is in the meat of the writing, the fleshed out charachters coming to life - reaching across the page and sucking you into the vortex of their world. blah blah blah.

So I was moderately discouraged-- but I will push that aside and try to be more active on that other blog. Plus the long cold winter can be a great motivator for said writing. So keep tuned in.

But then I had to write something for work - and my friend Jacque said that I need to write more becuase she loved my motivational letter on "Being a Fred" (based on the book Fred Factor)

SO I will toss all my insecurities aside and there will be more on Gladys and the crew.

I'll start tomorrow.

So I'll say it. I have a crush on someone & I feel like a school girl for more than one reason. I met Stanley (not his real name) in Kindergarten and we went to school together thru the 4th grade. Then, I went to public middle school instead of staying at the prochial school. We haven't crossed paths since we were 9.

Life passed, and then through the miracles of facebook he found me and we have since had several legenthy conversations online and we can ramble on for hours about serious and not so serious stuff. There are mutual flirtations and we're both single.

So what's the issue? Well we are both recently single - and going through our own break up routines. We're both a little cautious about meeting in person even though we used to play on the same playground 20 years ago. So right now I'm just hopeful that Stan and I can be fantastic friends and after awhile maybe we entertain the idea of dinner date and see what happens. Yes, full blown crush mode.

I love current events and the news and all things political. NPR.org interactive election map brought me great joy.

It's happened - we the American people have voted and invited a democratic back into the White House. Thank goodness.

Our President Elect happens to be the first ever African-American president. Fantastic. A movement of progress, how far we have come as country.

I didn't vote for black or white when I stepped into my polling cubby. No, I voted for the candidates who best represented my political ideals. I saw two colors - Red and Blue (well three technically if you count Nader - but very few will vote for him so bygones -sorry Ralphie).

At work today - I sit next to a woman (Let's call her Iggie) with exceptional grade A ignorance, a blind faith in a bible and religion that has brain washed her beyond repair - so much in fact she refuses to wear pants - even if it's 40 below. I'm sorry but Jesus would want you to wear pants instead of getting frost bite - the climate of the biblical times you read with such volition was not aware or prone to the horrors of the WINDCHILL factor. She irritated me greatly even if I like her as a person, for the most part.


Ignorance: Some hype heard amongst the cubical walls today include a portrait of ignorance and acceptance, both of the election results and of humanity in general.

Iggie:
Obama is a Muslim.
Kristen:
Actually Iggie, he's a christian just like you.
Iggie:
Nope, he's a Muslim.
Kristen:
What's wrong with that - we do have our first Amendment rights you know.
Iggie:
Our country was founded on the premise of a Christian God.
Kristen:
True, but it's our country that fought for religious freedom. And Obama is a Christian, you should be happy.
Iggie:
He's a Muslim Kristen, he's just faking it.
Kristen:
OK Iggie, believe what you want, but it's none of your business who he prays to anyways.


Iggie: He'll never be sworn in as president.

Kristen: He's the president elect, he'll be sworn in. Can't you just accept it. I'd accept McCain as president if he had won.

Iggie: Nope, he was born in Kenya so he can't be sworn in. Iwill never accept it. I have someone bigger than Obama to get me through this... God and Jesus will prevail.
Kristen: He was born in Hawaii, and God and Jesus weren't on the ballot and their foreign policy is a little sketchy. Remember Iggie, you should always vote with your brain and not with a bible.

Iggie: He can't provide a valid birth certificate

Kristen: McCain wasn't born on American soil. Ps. The Associated Press has a story about the validity of his birth certificiate - (emd to Iggie)

Iggie: Yes he was. You can't believe everything on the internet.

Kristen: Nope, he was born on a military base. Iggie, it's the Associated Press- not a email forward. I'll believe the Associated Press over some forward.

Iggie: Fine.

Kristen: Iggie, Why would a white, American, woman who is pregnant - travel in an airplane to Kenya to give birth in a remote village, that's maternity ward probably has dirt floors and drafty walls made out of natural fibers- versus in Hawaii in a hospital with clean disinfected floors and finely crafted structure and an Ocean view?

Iggie: Do your research Kristen.


Kristen: Iggie, don't you think you're being pretty ignorant about this - I mean John McCain - who was your political mavericky hero expressed that everyone needs to come together and that Obama is going to be his president and that you should accept it.

Iggie: He won't be my president, my president and commander in chief is a higher power.

Kristen: Well, that statement is very un-American of you. That dissapoints me Iggie. I have oreos at my desk do you want one?

So I popped onto OKCupid.com awhile back to see what's out there - I'm passively looking through profiles - seeing the other fish in the sea.

Let me tell you, I am not impressed. Why can't normal guys be out there?

The crappy thing about the free okc is that they have this chat thing- and when ever I am passively browsing or taking ridiculous quizzes - someone always wants to have a conversation. A conversation that I do not want to have.

Loser: hi
Me: hi
Loser: how r u?
Me: fine, can you not use those abbreviations they are really annoying to me.
Loser: haha ok
Loser: so you seem like a really open person from your profile.
Me: I guess
Loser: So can I ask some questions?
Me: shoot
Loser: How do you give a blow job - tell me in detail.
Me: I will not share my top secret technique with anyone- it's not up for discussion.
Loser: How big are your breasts and pussy?
Me: I don't measure them. Please stop with this inappropriate sex talk. Are you unable to have a normal conversation?
Loser: Don't you want to f*** me?
Me: Nope
Loser: Why not?
Me: 1. I don't know you. 2. You're acting like a dillweed. 3.I don't have random sex with dillweeds.
me: goodbye
blocking loser.


SO I then continue to browse through a couple profiles -- get accosted by some non english speaking fellow who due to conversation barrier I also block.


Then I see a suggested user. This is someone I know - and I start laughing hysterically.

OKC thinks I would be a great match with drum roll please......my cousin Jake.

So I send him a message - Jake, Sorry Cousin but I'm not into relatives that way. OKC has got it all wrong, we are not from West Virginia!


He replies back and is laughing for multiple reasons - he has confessed that he's been out at the bars and is a little wasted and the ridiculousness of okc's suggestion and his random okc mail from his cousin. The I had to explain what happened with Dave and all of that.

So yeah.

Isn't getting back out there exciting.

Growing up, my mom has always been a little chubby. She's adorable and cute and wears dorky faux denim leggings and yeah she's my mom so I love her.

I never had a mom that wanted me to be a barbie doll - she in fact wouldn't let me play with such self esteem distructors.

But last week - something happened that has never happened before. My mom can now fit into my clothes. Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy that she's lost some weight, somewhere in the neighborhood of 40 pounds in the last year. But I'm also then reminded that once upon a time I was smaller and now I've put on a couple pounds.

But in any light she is just so excited that she can now shop in the ladies clothes and not in womens section we devouted a good afternoon to going shopping, buy some new outfits and then she came home and tried on my stuff too. It's like we are teenage sisters. But instead of wearing the latest fashion mistake we both dress in pretty classic standby outfits.

It's just a little weird to ask - Mom do you have my navy pants?

Onward to my sister -- since we have a good 5.5 years between us she thinks all my clothes are old lady clothes -- but just wait - I'm sure when she starts job hunting she'll be stealing my navy pants too. Now sissy and I are about a size difference - but that is always subject to change i.e. similar to that of the polls 1+/1-.

So to head of anyone even thinking about swiping my favorite jeans -- I'm going to go get my mom a pair of real life jeans since it's probably been several decades since she's owned them and they can be her cute butt jeans and she will leave mine alone!