hula hoops and hampster wheels

So if you are looking for a fantastic read --

I strongly reconmend that you pick up anything and everything by Laurie Notaro.

If you want to laugh that is -- I was laughing so hard last night as she described peeing into a fishing net while trying to catch kidney stones -- that I myself almost pee'd my pants.

You really must read her.

I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies): True Tales of a Loudmouth Girl by Laurie Notaro (the one I'm reading now)

The Idiot Girl and the Flaming Tantrum of Death: Reflections on Revenge, Germophobia, and Laser Hair Removal by Laurie Notaro


The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club: True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life by Laurie Notaro


There's a (Slight) Chance I Might Be Going to Hell: A Novel of Sewer Pipes, Pageant Queens, and Big Trouble by Laurie Notaro


We Thought You Would Be Prettier: True Tales of the Dorkiest Girl Alive by Laurie Notaro (hillarious)


An Idiot Girl's Christmas: True Tales from the Top of the Naughty List by Laurie Notaro



Autobiography of a Fat Bride: True Tales of a Pretend Adulthood by Laurie Notaro

I do not have a poker face. I tell it like it is. I use body language to express myself. I am not a girly girl with magical purple and pink princess powers. I am however terrified of critters.

Now, I have some irrational fears, I know this, yet I still have them. I know that I am bigger and more mightier than the meager mouse, smarter than the average bat, and I have legs and arms so I have exponentially a larger quotient of appendages than any snake. Plus even at my small stature of being 4-11 and 3/4 (can't forget that part)

So despite all that I have in my favor against the critters in criterville -- I am still terrified.

So frightened that in face -- I see spots, sweat and shriek with out any sound coming out as if my body is in such shock it is unable to make noise.

Well Dave and I were heading out to grab dinner -- and there I see it-
Small beady eyes -- long skinny tail -- small brown body.. It's a mouse-- I scurry away and it stays perfectly still -- It could even be dead -- but In addition to my reflexes of silly erratic "get me the hell out of here ASAP" dance and prance -- arms flailing in the air -- the silent shriek- the bells in my ears -- the spots in my eyes and the sweat --- now I'm also gagging. Gagging over a mouse- this is ridiculous and apparently sooo funny in Dave's eyes that he wants to run in and get a video camera to have a reenactment. No, thank you - this delicate flower will have none of that. But it's happened --- Dave has seen me do the ridiculous dance and gag over my ridiculous fear. And so I asked him if he had any irrational fears -- his manly reply is no.