Here is the remaining news from February:



So I went on a dating spree.



I had the follow up dates with Matt and Jim. Contact with Jim just fizzled out. The 2nd date with Matt was weird and awkward for several reasons. So much so that here is a list of things for guys to do to make a 2nd date uncomfortable.





Things Un-Dateable Guys Do on 2nd dates:




  • Proclaim with in moments of meeting eachother for dinner that you have to cut the evening short. It's 5:30 - should I suggest going to McDonalds for a quick meal?

  • State the reason for the unexpected early night - is that you have to meet your friends to go drinking after the hockey game and your friend from Milwaukee popped into town this weekend.

  • Order excessive amounts of alcohol - aka 3 or more tall alcoholic beverages. I may not be into you, but I'll worry about you driving away none the less.

  • Talk about hockey as if I am a Pro-Hockey player currently filling the void in my life by being a goalie for The Wild.

  • Flag the waiter down to have the bill separated by seat. Pay for it like a big boy or wait it out until I grab for the bill.

  • If p laying cribbage at a restaurant - do not lose one of the other person's pegs by being klumsy/drunk. Replacement cost is about 3 cents but seriously.

  • Do not say you are walking someone to their car only to walk them to the bathroom, hug them and say you will call.

  • Instead of calling lurk endlessly on the dating site that we met on. Where is the block feature?

Ok so that was a bad 2nd date. No 3rd date desired. Onward.



Ryan. Ryan is pseudo interesting. He works in publishing historical trade books. He plays the fiddle. He seems normal and like he has the ability to have and hold a conversation. Which right now - is becoming the #1 quality on the list. I'm so sick of the pointless banter, the 20 question games, seriously just read the ridiculous surveys on facebook if you want to know what my favorite color is. So we make plans to meet February 15th. I get sick. Horribly sick in the I really don't want to move let alone do anything else sick. I cancel. We continue chatting exchange phone numbers - schedule a phone date for when I don't sound like a man.


I go to work on Monday, only to leave at 12 as I am still to sick to function. I have my acrylic nails removed on Tuesday. Talk to Ryan. He is not a phone person, I am not a phone person with people I do not know. Talking to people I don't know - that's part of my job, also part of my job is to make as many short but to the point phone calls a day. So the conversation is short - ok - and we have plans to meet on Sunday. We chat some more throughout the week and by Thursday - I've lost all interest and want to go on a dating hiatus and just read chick lit and eat sherbet and call it a way of life.


Mike, my cribbage partner and I are out playing cards and I confess that I am done. Dating sucks. It's such a crapshoot and he's showing me his "leads" on eharmony, okcupid, plenty of fish and match.com. He has 27 leads open - 27! I can't even deal with 3. I'm definitely not in the mood for dating. Notes on facebook have replaced my internet time spent browsing profiles of losers in loserville looking for love.


I get a message from a acquaintance from high school. He plays cribbage as well and wants to play sometime. Cool. Okay this way If I'm on a losing streak with Mike I can play someone else and maybe not lose.


So Saturday February 21st. is what would have been my Mom and Dad's 30th wedding anniversary. My mom is okay but this day is a little harder than most. My parents dated for darn near and eternity - They were married in '79 but they started dating in '71 and that's a long time - and they weren't perfect by any means, and they didn't have the June and Ward Cleaver marriage but they loved eachother and so I hang out with my mom.



That afternoon I met up with Clint for cribbage - we catch up on the last 10 years of life over several games of cribbage and coffee and Caribou muffins. We are both hungry and so we go to Potbelly for a sammich - he pays since I drove us the 2 blocks of parking lots to get there. We both smoke, which is refreshing - since my attempts at quitting have been futile and my only friends that smoke are at work or to far away to qualify for smoking buddies. We wander around Borders. Mock the Twilight Phenomenon. Have real conversations that don't feel like 20 questions. Super a new friend.


So I drive us back to his vehicle - we talk and he asks what I'm doing tomorrow. I have previously ranted about the dilemmas of online dating and how I'm giving up on the ridiculousness of it and that reading fluffy books and frozen treats and scramble are now higher on the list of things I can waste time doing. I say I have a crappy internet date to go on, that I don't want to go on, but being Minnesotan I feel obligated to attend since I've already cancelled on him once. Clint then replies that if it's as horrible that I think it is going to be - that I should call him and he'd like to take me out on a fun date. I am caught of guard. I thought I just made a friend, our little meeting has similar parts of anatomy of date - but this was just a reuniting of acquaintances and making a new friend.


Via the wonders of facebook - we plan a get together for Sunday, despite the out come lunch with Ryan. We actually make several plans to get together and things to do, places to see etc.

Sunday, I get up, get ready, go to meet Ryan for lunch. The restaurant he has chosen - is the Vineyard. It was a happening place in the day, circa 1985 - I know this because my parents would go there on dates in my childhood. It's a mom and pop steak house stuck in the eighties complete with Ivy wall paper. But the service is good, the food is good the atmosphere on a Sunday though - has seemed to attract a large number of people in sweatpants and windpants.

So lunch with Ryan - he was really fixated on me living at home. I explained that sure, I once had lofty goals of moving out and being free - but now that I have lost a parent, I am content staying at home and taking care of my mom and making things for her as easy as possible. That the lack of privacy is not a selling point but I love my mom and we are closer that we have ever been and I'm ok with my current situation. Do you think that would satisfy him? No, let push the issues and make things awkward. "So when do you think you'll move out?" Listen buster - I am supporting my mom, it's not like I'm living in this responsibility free bubble, I pay property taxes and have home repairs, the only difference is the house isn't in my name at the moment. I'll move out when my siblings can buck up and take my place. Awkward silence. The next conversation was a long one - on the very enlightening topic of Sierra Mist. Yes, a conversation about sierra mist. The bill comes, it sits there awhile. The topic shifts and I am more and more annoyed by him. He wants to grab coffee, I entertain the idea but then confess that a nap sounds more appealing. He pays, we leave. There is the a gold star given to Ryan - not out loud or anything but he gets the award for the most awkward hug ever. There was the go for it - the turn away - the turn back - and then the hug. I waited in my car til he left and then headed home.

I took my nap - but before I did I called Clint to see if he was still up for Wings and Trivia - he was - we settled on 4 for the time to meet. We had wings, but we did not play trivia as trivia on Sunday was Nascar themed trivia. After that we went and played cards - still in this never ending conversation about life, the past ten years, work, annoyances etc. He of course wanted the update on the Pity lunch date. I told him the horribleness of it. Meanwhile, the former danceline girls from our graduating class bombard the coffee place. Along with a Men's bible study- we took that as a sign to flee and wander around Target to kill time, finish our coffees. After that we went to the grocery store to pick up bananas and milk and then he dropped me off at my car and we were both looking forward to getting together on Tuesday.

Tuesday afternoon at 2:30 I get a call. From my mom. She is crying and says that she has fallen and hurt herself and that she can not move her arm very well. Without a 2nd consideration - I am on my way home to her to take her to Urgent Care. On my way home I call my brother, tell him that mom is hurt and I am on my way home. That she slipped on the step and that he needs to pick up salt for the icy spots. He takes this a nagging and says he will. I call Clint and tell him that we might need to reschedule that my mom has fallen and I have to take her to urgent care and although that will be a quicker wait than the emergency room, who knows how long it will be. He is okay with this and sincerely worried about my mom. I get home take a look at her arm, say that she needs to have an xray since I have no professional medical opinion and she is in severe pain. My mom's a tough lady and has a high pain threshold but she is crying by just sitting there. So I get her in the car, buckle her up take her up the road to Elk River's urgent care. We sit and wait. She eventually goes in and see the Dr. - I am in the waiting room with sick people for an hour or so.

A little girl and her mom come in. She is carrying a pot. She looks healthy. The mom looks tired. The little girl is playing with her pot. I ask the little girl if she likes to cook. She states that she does. Ahh ok - security blankets are thing of the past. The mother pipes in and says that she has been vomiting since Friday - and the pot is to catch the throw up. Ahhh. I see. The little girl goes into how you throw up in the pot so mommy doesn't get mad and then she makes fake throw up sounds. Gross but funny. The mother than offers that she has been Throwing up since Friday, it's Tuesday. The mother continues that she hasn't seemed sick - but just gets sick at night. The little girl pipes up that she got sick after recess and art class was fun, she made a monster- it was a red and purple and green - to be scary it had orange eyes. The little girl is a nonstop chatter box - but it amuses me and she is entertaining the other people in the waiting room with her rambling. She is also really excited to see the doctor in the white coat and is convinced that they aren't really doctors. It's cute.

So my Mom gets out of the drs office and she has broken her arm - but it's not her forearm - but her upper arm. Gladly it's a clean break. Not so gladly - all that can be done - is wearing a sling and taking pain meds. I think this is the answer she received because she does not have health insurance - but we won't go into my tangent about that now. We run to the gas station to pick up some items - cigarettes and diet coke and head home. I call my brother on the 12 mile journey home. State the mom has broken her arm and requested that you pick her up some beer. He flys off the handle. He proclaims "I have an ingrown toe nail" and scolds me for not calling him while he was out earlier. I hang up the phone after some choice words - and he calls back momentarily letting me know that he will indeed pick up the beer.

We get home - he has salted the driveway and so I get my mom back in the house and ask her to sit and be still. I bring in the items from the car, purses, diet coke, jackets etc. Figure out dinner - and my brotehr gets back from the beer run - with mucho hostility - he's just not sensitive and can not deal when there are things that are unexpected. My mom tells me to go on my date and so I do.

Clint and I met at Caribou from there he drove to Red Robin, and afterwards we went to a movie. Things are going well and we are both interested in eachother. Tuesday night I get home at 12ish - which is incredibly late for a Tuesday night. I tend to my mom and her needs for getting comfortable and do some laundry - run around - finally going to bed at 3 - to get up at 5:45.

Wednesday I am a complete zombie. I make it through the work day -barely. I get home and crash - but wake myself up out of sleep with involuntary body jerks. Zombie aerobics if you will.

Friday night I have another date with Clinton, we are going to a theatrical comedy performance. Making Love like a Minnesotan - Sleepless in Shakopee. We meet up at Home Depot this time - he is there waiting for me in the parking lot, I get in his car and we go out for a sandwich and then head to uptown. We run into a minor problem with parking and friday night traffic in the area- But alas we park and and walk a couple blocks - the Brave New Workshop is hilarious and highly recommend that if you are in the cities for a night and you want to be amused this is a great option.

Afterwards, it's still early enough to hang out but as the sidewalks of suburbia have rolled up - we decided to go out for a piece of pie at Perkins. We go and eat pie - drink coffee and play cards. We discuss how we like each other and poof - we are in a relationship.

Saturday I meet my friend Mike for crib and we dish about our love life news - he has a new girlfriend Dana and she is a creature unlike any other - being as she is 26 and Mike was the first hand she held. She's also very pretty - so obviously it's a religious conviction thing. But still weird - so we dish - then I scoot to meet Mackenzie for coffee and catch up - things are good. She was friends with Clint in high school so she is all giddy and happy and being a goober. It was fun. Then Saturday night Mike, Clint and I played cards. Also fun - til I got sugar and caffeine overload and had to come home to zonk out.

So that's the scoop on February.

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