hula hoops and hampster wheels

Ok so I've seen some pretty bad movies in my day - Requium for a dream, Fight Club, Resevoir Dogs, but the underlying theme in the aforementioned movies has a certain man factor quotient, I can't really think of a bad chick flick - or drama.

However, yesterday while waiting for Drunkaroo to call I watched: Not My Life
with my mom -- it was the saturday afternoon B movie of the day.

I was horrible -- and yet we watched the whole thing. THe acting was bad, the plot was mediocre at best - the star was Andie from dawson's creek - don't really know her real name -

It was horrible and horrific and super dee dooper bad B-c- or D movie - and yet we were engrossed to see how bad it could get.

So if it's ever on -- don't let it suck you in - becuase the end result will be - That suck and I want those 2 hours of my life back.

For more details about this piece of crap movie - in order to avoid watching it:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0827179/

I liketo give advice -- sometimes when unwarrented or not needed - but I usualy save my so-called sage advice for my friends. Never to strangers - unless it's more of a helpful hint -- like ps. you have tp on your shoe or you have a bug on you.

I was in subway -- getting lunch - 2 sandwhiches.
I normally get the turkey - but today is not a turkey kind of day - today was a blt kind of day - and the subway by my work always skimps on the bacon. I love bacon but in moderation - so once in awhile I'll indulge.

I got Dave's sandwhich and then ordered my sandwhich - a blt - extra bacon. When I ordered my sandwhich I was the last in line -- not looking very fabulous as I was wearing clothes from friday -- my hair was still we from my shower -- I ended up somehow getting an exfoliating bead from my cleanser in my eye and so my left eye was pink and puffy and causing rapid blinking.

So they guy scoops up a large wad of bacon for heating -- and now I'm aware of the person behind me in line.

"Wow - that's a lot of bacon" weird dude exclaims

"yep. it's more than I imagined" i reply

"What is it for?" weird dude inquires - as the bacon is removed from the microwave aka bacon zapper

The bacon is then placed on my bread and before they can ask me what I want on it -

weird dude inquires : "What elese are you going to get on it?"

"Well it's a blt - so lettuce and tomato"

"Well someone needs to get a gym membership after that sandwhich"

No response - I mean seriously what do you say to that- I'm not grossly obese - I'm now classifing myself as curvy as I've put on some weight this year. I'm not in denial, I've accepted my new soft parts and moved on.

Weird dude is obvious to his devisating commentary as he has his nasty tuna fish white conglomerated goop on his perfectly good bread - totally ruining it with the tuna fish infestation. I hope he gets an overdose of Omeaga 3 fatty goodness and develops a rash similar to that which my cat gets when ever he has fish.

I rattle of my ingrediant requests for Dave's sandwhich and mine -

Weird guy has nothing more to say.

I pay and fill my diet coke and leave.

Weird guy leaves before me - as I had some issues trying to put the lid on my cup without crying.

Weird dude heads to the chiropractic office next door.

I head back home to dave's, crying the whole way home.

So yesterday, Dave had some golf thing for work to attend. He asked me to be his designated driver- I dropped him off at the golf course a little before 9 am. He stated that he should be done around 6 but he would call, and we could go out for a Saturday night date night.

Well I went about my day, got my hair cut and my eyebrows and lip waxed - endured the pain an agony for beauty. Came home - vegged out, took a nap. Fixed my hair from the nap -- put on make up and looked super cute for date night.

6: no call, no text.

7: no call, no text.

7:15 I text him inquiring on his best guess for time -- they are eating dinner right now.
I'm slightly irritated at this time, but make a bowl of nacho cheese fiesta soup and eat it since I won't be going out to dinner for date night. But maybe we can catch a late movie.

8:00 Text received - almost done

8:15 I head out the door pull out of the drive way, get around the corner and get another text.

8:16 Text reads something to the effect that there is a benifit and it will be awhile.

9:00 Figure that it will be over with by 9:30 and I'm 20 minutes away so I leave my house.

9:15 Sitting in dark almost empty golf course parking lot, text Dave to tell him I am here when he's done.

9:20 Receive text that he's not there - he's downtown Minneapolis. A good half hour from this dark secluded parking lot in the midst of cornfields.

9:21 Leaving the golf course and calling Dave.

9:21-9:30 Conversation filled with his drunken apologies. I'm irritated, sober and try to be the fantastic girlfriend I am - I offer to pick his drunk ass up but he can't call after 11.

9:45 Arrive at the gas station to get essential pissed off goodies - i.e. diet coke and cigarettes.

10:00 arrive home, watch tv - get fuming mad and ready for bed, feel disappointed and irritated and chaulk it up to stupid boyfirend behavior.

11:00 In bed, retainer in mouth, head on pillow, cat snuggled with me watching SNL.

11:01 Receive text: Do you want to meet me at my house?

11:02 Receive text: Cause if you're not coming over I'll stay at my friend place.

11:03 Sent text: I'll come over - but I'm not putting clothes on I'm in my jammies.

11:04 Yes, I do believe this is the first every booty call from the boyfriend. I'll humor him but he's not getting any tonight.

11:05 Call dave. no answer
11:05 Text dave - Do you want me to come over?

11:06 Receive call - I got a ride home are you coming over?

11:07 yes, I'm coming over, I'll see you in 30 minutes, are you going to be passed out when I get there? "No"

11:10 In my car pulling out of the driveway, receive call from Dave aka Drunkaroo who has been drinking now since 9:30 am. Are you coming over? Yes, I'm in the car - Oh well I just got a text -- I sent that to you before you called earlier. Oh ok - I want you to come over. Ok I'm on my way.

11:45ish Arrive at dave's clad in my pink snow flake fleece pants and wsu t-shirt and green hoodie -- all items pretty much a fashion no no - and when put together I look hideous. My face has been washed and my hair is now a disaster so much for cute date night.

12:00 We're in bed cuddling and he's telling me about his day and how he won an XYZ tee shirt and pocket knife. I proclaim that's amazing since the best thing I get is a safety packet in June for safety month.

12:30 He's still apologizing and smells of alcohol and his deoderant has given out on him. So pleasant. But we make up from our first little fight.

7:00 am He wants to snugggle and make out & be romantic on a Sunday morning.
I mumble to him that if he wakes me up - I'm going to be up and I will make it miserable for him to try and sleep. He persists. We snuggle and fall back asleep.

8:30 He wants to snugggle and make out & be romantic on a Sunday morning.
I mumble to him that if he wakes me up - I'm going to be up and I will make it miserable for him to try and sleep. He persists. We snuggle and fall back asleep.

11:00 I wake up - I know a miracle that I was able to go back to sleep. Tickle fights and the idea of going to lunch is tossed around.

11:30 I get out of bed - get dressed in the clothes I wore on Friday - can't very well go out in the world wearing snow flake pajama pants.

11:31 Look in the mirror and see the disaster that is my hair complete with the 20 products my hair chick used to make me fantastically beautiful - now looks like small animals have taken refuge in my hair. Shower is needed.

12:10 We are both showered - I'm dressed and Dave is in his robe and he wants me to go out an get sandwhiches... he has to call his insurance adjusters for some issue - fine - I go to subway get us our sandwhiches. Have a horrible experience at subway that is going to be a completely separate post.

12:40 I get back - we eat our subs and then he puts on sports so we both take a nap on the couch.

4:00 I get up from the nap - get a diet coke, gather my things tell Dave I have to go do laundry and go home to get ready for the week. He gets up gives me a hug and kiss goodbye.