hula hoops and hampster wheels

My good friend Ava is going to start dating again. She's had a couple hummdinger relationships and pseduo relationships were the friend card has been played in the most inoppertune time and now she is ready to at least entertain the idea of dating.

She's signed up on match.com -- my personal website hero. Not only did it provide a long tangent about dating that was orginally 3 posts but now just down to one, it brought Dave and I together -- (Dave = Xavier)

http://nerdygirlramblings.blogspot.com/2008/02/dating-diary.html


Some probably cliched words of wisdom for Ava:

Less is more in a profile. If he didn't write his whole life story that's okay, as long as his profile gives you a peak into his life and you can see or anticipate that he is a good person.

Less is not more in a person. If he's not a good person,if what he's saying is over the top and your internal lie detector goes off, or if he doesn't pay for the first date - that's a red flag, he is going on a date and going out on a date with you should be a priveledge, if he doesn't offer to do one gentlemanly thing like hold a door or bless you if you sneeze, or use proper table manners -- then don't think that he is trainable in this fashion. Yes, he might forget somethings as he will probably be distracted by your beauty. Men are simple that way -- cleavage and pretty hair is great at enducing extra nervousness. Both parties should be on best date behavior.

Smiles are important -- if your not smiling this is not a good sign, if he's not smiling -- and his jaw isn't wired shut-- this is also not a good sign.

Laughing is important -- if you don't laugh by at least the 2nd date with someone -- they just won't be funny enough for you.

Smarts are important -- if he doesn't have anything smart to say or he has difficulties figuring out how much to tip -- he's not ready to date an Ava.

Go in to each date with little or no expectations. Go on dates you think could possibly be disappointing, I didn't want to go on the original date with Dave, I thought he was just another guy, looking for a good time, not a good girl.

Be friends first, I know this is sounds lame -- but you have series of brief windows --

Window One: Stangers meeting in a public place for food and the promise of maybe meeting someone interesting, intriguing and or fantabulous.

Window Two: Accquaintences: This takes over after the first half hour. You placed a real life face with online profile.

Window Three: Friends: You have to be able to talk about things you would talk about with friends -- open yourself up

Now this is crucial stage -- it's either going to stay in friend zone or it going to go over into

Window Four: Possibility: This can also be labeled, attraction, crush, lust, infactuation etc. This is the dating window.

So good luck with your windows.

Now, after you have viewed several profiles -- you are bound to get a bizzilion messages -- you're guy instinct should tell you whether or not the Goober writing you is a good goober or bad a goober.

Don't exchange too many emails/ims etc. Talk on the phone instead. The emails and ims and texts only build up the expectations to much. Most people can't be fake on the phone, they can be corny or unwitty or have freudian slips -- but they don't have the time to edit thoughts like typing provides.

Example one: Nate -- I started chatting with Nate circa March 2006, we would chat every night and we would be fun and flirty and serious and I had this whole idea that we would be a fanastic couple, but he lived in Rochester. We went out on two dates. And it was decided that we should just be friends. And we are, to this day -- we don't talk on a daily basis like we did before -- but we do talk and are good friends.

Example two Nick -- We exchanged instead of IMs or Texts -- the longest emails I have ever written/ read in my life. We had one date -- all went well and then boom he was moving back to CT for brief rest before going on an adventure over seas for a new job.

So keep things brief let talking and going on dates be the means for learning about one another.

Good Luck, be safe, have fun.