SO I called him - I know,I broke rule #1 of breaking up. But I love him too much just to walk away- I needed him to know I think that it's worth it to work on us and well, Becuase I'm sorry, but he doesn't get to leave me hanging while he goes on a two week hiatus from our relationship for answers to basic questions.
jist of the conversation...
He cares about me and loves me - but something in his own world isn't right and he doesn't know where he is with everything, including me. Not a real defintitive answer to anything was given, but I can now honestly believe that it's not me and stop beating myself up about gaining weight and being moody and not being the prettiest or not being the trophy girlfriend, we all know I'm not graceful enough for that label.
So a little space is needed - I guess I can use this time for me - to start painting again or crochet something. Maybe work on the novel.
If it doesn't work out between us, it's not going to be because I didn't try or care enough. It'll be what it's going to be and right now it's in limbo and I'm sad and scared and hopeful.
So if anyone wants to play me in scramble I'm game!
I've even taken a vacation day tomorrow to sleep in (shocker) and get some crap in Kristen world straightened out.
So I was completely blindsighted last night when Dave had me over to talk.
He didn't really have a reason and couldn't tell me what went wrong other than it's him and not me. That he thinks I'm great and wonderful and that he loves me - but his heart isn't all in it. Then as the evening progressed, he wants to take a break and then talk again in a 2 weeks.
Maybe to see if I'm the root of his unhappiness. Maybe to weigh out bachelorhood vs. commited relationship, Who knows?
WTF.
Where did this come from, I don't know.
I'm sad and hurt and confused because I love him.
My whole take on it is - he either loves me and is scared about the intensity of love or he just doesn't or can't love me.
