hula hoops and hampster wheels

*some of the details have been changed to protect, well, me.

I found a tumor in my ankle back in October. I went to the urgent care, saw a nurse practioner as it was swollen and hurt. They put me on antibiotics and sent me away.

Well it turns out - it wasn't a tumor just a bubble, if you will of ankle fluid. After taking my Rx the bubble was popped and felt better although never completly disappeared.

So now, the bubble has blown up again -- and I went to the doctor, not a nurse practioner -- I want someone who is not going to disregard my concerns and make fill a RX cause it's the easiest way to clear a body from an exam room.

This is a me on the phone:

Good Morning, I need to make an appointment with a doctor.
I have a anvil sized ballon inflated in my ankle.

Ok Moran-ski can see you on Monday.

Ok.

--

So I go to the clinic -- I wait in the uncomfortable chairs.

I meet with the nurse. I tell her I now have two issues -- I have the anvil in my ankle but I have an pea pod in my hip.

We go through my history -- boring crap

I get into the lovely paper gown to demonstrate that anvil has been hidden by my pants.

Then the Dr. comes in --

She doesn't look like a doctor.

She looks like a hippie.

I tell her my issues ... She is not a Doctor - but a stupid Nurse Practioner.

I try and describe the anvil in my ankle and she types it up in the computer.

Finally after 20 minutes of describing my issue with the anvil as I'm in my highly fashionable gown, she's finally ready to look at it.

She looks at it -- says she doesn't know what it is - writes some code on this pink piece of paper -- gives me an RX for antibiotics and says - I'll need to make an appointment with surgery.

Surgery? For what? You don't even know what it is? Don't you do some tests?

Nah, this is pretty superficial you don't need tests -- they'll just go in and take it out.

I have more questions but she is obviously to busy as she rushes me out the door.

I make my appointments: 1. Surgery for the Anvil 2. Consult with a dermatolgist for the pea pods she won't even look at.

I go back to work - talk to my mom -- and a couple work buddies -- and they all agree that the anvil needs a second opion.

So I call the next closest clinic that is not in the same network as the first -- I'm soo fed up with Mallina by now.

So I call to try and make an appointment.

"You need to call the billing office -- there is a hold on you, we can't make any appointments for you."

Ok so I call the billing office.

"No balance due. You should be able to make appointments"

I call the appointment line.

"There is this pop up I get when I type in your name and I can't make an appointment for you. It's saying something about a bill back in 2004."

I got really sick in 2004 -- didn't have insurance and it took me longer than the average bear to pay off -- but it was paid off.

I call the billing office. Voicemail. I punch zero with visisiitude.

"There shouldn't be a hold on your account -- "
'I know but - they told me that they get this pop up box preventing them from making appointments. I know I was a little slow to pay in the past when I didn't have health insurance-- but this bill has been satisfied.

"Oh, you have insurance? ( -- she now wants my provider name and group number and naming rights for my next pet fish) She said well you should be able to make an appointment -- I just re-checked the system to make sure you weren't blocked."

Call the appointment line -- make an appointment with a bonified Ankleologist. I even looked up his name to make sure he wasn't a NP or PA or a hippie.

I met with the Dr. and the anvil is nothing to worry about. It's not ankle cancer - It's not threatening - it can be deflated but should go down naturally. I don't need ankle surgery after all. Some bodies just get anvils from time to time and it's nothing to worry about. He went through what to watch out for in future inspections of my ankle and reconmended me to a dr that would be able to offer another opinion, and recomended a dr. for another one of my other health issues. He even looked at my pea pods and said they were a normal symptom of my other health issues and not to worry. I did get the "try and go for a walk everyday speech.." but that's ok -- I know that-- I'm just lazy.