hula hoops and hampster wheels

I'll be the first to admit it -- I have some walls, I can be mushy and lovey and all that gooey junk, but I'm not exactly the vulnerable type.
I've always had some sort of guard up - the "I'm not going to let you in cause then you can hurt me later on, and then I'll want to hurt you, and I'm not that physically endowed to beat you to a bloody pulp and I just might hurt myself more in the process.." You know that one? Yeah, it's been an ol' stand by... Until now, I'm at this utmost vulnerable state -- and I'm 2/3 a.o.k with it and 1/3 scared. But, for the first time ever it's worth being scared, and I better stop now before I turn into a complete goober -- but yeah, I'm 2/3 sure I'm already gooberfied, and 1/3 scared of making you barf. So, I'll pause and post with out being extra goobery.