hula hoops and hampster wheels

So yesterday, Dave had some golf thing for work to attend. He asked me to be his designated driver- I dropped him off at the golf course a little before 9 am. He stated that he should be done around 6 but he would call, and we could go out for a Saturday night date night.

Well I went about my day, got my hair cut and my eyebrows and lip waxed - endured the pain an agony for beauty. Came home - vegged out, took a nap. Fixed my hair from the nap -- put on make up and looked super cute for date night.

6: no call, no text.

7: no call, no text.

7:15 I text him inquiring on his best guess for time -- they are eating dinner right now.
I'm slightly irritated at this time, but make a bowl of nacho cheese fiesta soup and eat it since I won't be going out to dinner for date night. But maybe we can catch a late movie.

8:00 Text received - almost done

8:15 I head out the door pull out of the drive way, get around the corner and get another text.

8:16 Text reads something to the effect that there is a benifit and it will be awhile.

9:00 Figure that it will be over with by 9:30 and I'm 20 minutes away so I leave my house.

9:15 Sitting in dark almost empty golf course parking lot, text Dave to tell him I am here when he's done.

9:20 Receive text that he's not there - he's downtown Minneapolis. A good half hour from this dark secluded parking lot in the midst of cornfields.

9:21 Leaving the golf course and calling Dave.

9:21-9:30 Conversation filled with his drunken apologies. I'm irritated, sober and try to be the fantastic girlfriend I am - I offer to pick his drunk ass up but he can't call after 11.

9:45 Arrive at the gas station to get essential pissed off goodies - i.e. diet coke and cigarettes.

10:00 arrive home, watch tv - get fuming mad and ready for bed, feel disappointed and irritated and chaulk it up to stupid boyfirend behavior.

11:00 In bed, retainer in mouth, head on pillow, cat snuggled with me watching SNL.

11:01 Receive text: Do you want to meet me at my house?

11:02 Receive text: Cause if you're not coming over I'll stay at my friend place.

11:03 Sent text: I'll come over - but I'm not putting clothes on I'm in my jammies.

11:04 Yes, I do believe this is the first every booty call from the boyfriend. I'll humor him but he's not getting any tonight.

11:05 Call dave. no answer
11:05 Text dave - Do you want me to come over?

11:06 Receive call - I got a ride home are you coming over?

11:07 yes, I'm coming over, I'll see you in 30 minutes, are you going to be passed out when I get there? "No"

11:10 In my car pulling out of the driveway, receive call from Dave aka Drunkaroo who has been drinking now since 9:30 am. Are you coming over? Yes, I'm in the car - Oh well I just got a text -- I sent that to you before you called earlier. Oh ok - I want you to come over. Ok I'm on my way.

11:45ish Arrive at dave's clad in my pink snow flake fleece pants and wsu t-shirt and green hoodie -- all items pretty much a fashion no no - and when put together I look hideous. My face has been washed and my hair is now a disaster so much for cute date night.

12:00 We're in bed cuddling and he's telling me about his day and how he won an XYZ tee shirt and pocket knife. I proclaim that's amazing since the best thing I get is a safety packet in June for safety month.

12:30 He's still apologizing and smells of alcohol and his deoderant has given out on him. So pleasant. But we make up from our first little fight.

7:00 am He wants to snugggle and make out & be romantic on a Sunday morning.
I mumble to him that if he wakes me up - I'm going to be up and I will make it miserable for him to try and sleep. He persists. We snuggle and fall back asleep.

8:30 He wants to snugggle and make out & be romantic on a Sunday morning.
I mumble to him that if he wakes me up - I'm going to be up and I will make it miserable for him to try and sleep. He persists. We snuggle and fall back asleep.

11:00 I wake up - I know a miracle that I was able to go back to sleep. Tickle fights and the idea of going to lunch is tossed around.

11:30 I get out of bed - get dressed in the clothes I wore on Friday - can't very well go out in the world wearing snow flake pajama pants.

11:31 Look in the mirror and see the disaster that is my hair complete with the 20 products my hair chick used to make me fantastically beautiful - now looks like small animals have taken refuge in my hair. Shower is needed.

12:10 We are both showered - I'm dressed and Dave is in his robe and he wants me to go out an get sandwhiches... he has to call his insurance adjusters for some issue - fine - I go to subway get us our sandwhiches. Have a horrible experience at subway that is going to be a completely separate post.

12:40 I get back - we eat our subs and then he puts on sports so we both take a nap on the couch.

4:00 I get up from the nap - get a diet coke, gather my things tell Dave I have to go do laundry and go home to get ready for the week. He gets up gives me a hug and kiss goodbye.

SO Camille at work confessed that now that her husband knows about her infidelities - and still wants to be with her, she now has the itch more than ever to be unfaithful.

I scold her and try to deter her from being a grade a bitch of a wife. Somehow, I think this will have no effect.

Is it true: Once a cheater always a scumbag?

I want to believe in the good in everyone - yes, I know how naive and pathetic.

But I really think that she will cheat again. I wish she just leave him then and just go about her unfulfilled fantasies.

Marriage isn't a prison - it's a choice and place to grow with someone - now granted people will often grow apart or move on to greener pastures and I have no idea what marriage is like since I'm not the cool yet. But I know that marriage sucks sometimes -- people get married and there are issues and problems and life shit that gets in the way of the marital bliss phenomenon. That's why we have shows like Desperate Housewives... ha.

A little bit more about Camille, this is her second marriage -- the first one from what I gather was a bad fit and she left the scum bag. Then her and #2 got married after a brief courtship - 6 months or something. A little risky but it's worked for others. Now they have the rug rat crew and cat and some how all that they are as a couple isn't enough for Camille.

She has an addictive personality -- she's gotten several tattoos in the past months - I'm fine with tattoos but more than 2 in a such a short time span screams that she is trying to self soothe in some new way. Same with shopping. She loves to shop - I guess I've given up on shopping, it's just not fun for me anymore. I buy what a need and once in awhile I need what I want and that's how it is.

She's a great friend and I really wish she would just try to get a fix on what is going on that she is being so thrill seeking and destructive to her marriage. I just don't get it.

I've offically moved back to my beloved Texas region at work. Goodbye dark side of the buidling with no windows and goodbye to my "naughty corner" cubical. Good bye Ima Horrible-Boss and good bye snappy canadians who don't like it when I call them with my "state side voice".

It was amazing how happy I was at work yesterday. A little sunshine can make a difference.

So that's a good news, I did have an emotional break down in a meeting with my bosses' bosses office. Alas happiness is bound to be the emotion instead of dread and distain. At least for awhile.

So I'm going to say this -- the Rules are lame and needed to be broken.

I broke down and called Dave yesterday because I had fantastic news.

I'm thinking The Rules apply to only certain people. Or can only be do-able by certain people. I am not one of them. I'm impatient, in love and currently the rules provide me with no real benifit - this was determined after 24 hours of thinking about participating in the rules and then giving up on them completly.

#1) Southerners -- don't ask me why but the Rules are a little step back to the time of Gone With the Wind mixed in with re-run scandals and drama from Dallas.

#2) Delicate creatures -- I'm not delicate-- I'm a creature unlike any other because I can be rude and blunt. I swear and pass gas, and urinate with out abandon anywhere I need to, including the great wide yonder and I'm not going to have a hissy fit if I'm amongst nature and need to drip dry.

#3) Must have the following:

Long flowing hair -- lots of hair flipping and playing with hair tips to seduce in the book. Short to medium frizzy, wavy or poofy hair is no where mentioned or described on how to make it look appealing let alone seductive.

Manicured fingernails: I think the world should feel blessed if I paint them with clear polish. I had pretty fingernails -- but seriously it's not worth the time, money or destruction to my natural nail to have arcylics on and well I'm still bite them when I'm stressed out.

Pedicured feet: My toenails are slivers and although I've tried the press on toe nails-- I think Dave would be slightly disturbed if one popped off while he was tormenting me by tickling my feet -- and frankly that's one rule I'll follow: Do not gross out the boyfriend with toenails falling off in a tickle fight.

High heels: I'm practically falling and tripping over my feet and or shoes when I wear flats. High heels although super adorable, and I've learned how to walk in them -- always result in a) sore feet b) blisters c) swollen or spraigned ankles. I've given up -- I need flats and that's that. I might consider a wedge but nothing like the fun flirty shoes I once wore. Unless of course New Balance or Puma branch out to the high heel market then I might consider but I"m pretty sure they'd be f-ugly.

Lipstick: Plenty of teasing tips with lipstick - but frankly I feel slightly whorish while wearing it, not sure what it is - I'm fine with every other make up product but for my lips I prefer a clear gloss or my all time favorite grape chapstick, or cherry if I can't find the grape one or it went through the wash -- knock on wood.


What are my rules then:

1.
I try not to talk about my period, bloatedness, breast tenderness, gyno appointments, and or anything else medically or biologically affiliated with pretty parts with my love nugget - unless need be for obvious reasons.

2.
I try to mute my burps so they are not the buxom Kristen burps you might be familiar with - they are instead dainty -- but Dave is still alarmed by a 1 on the richter scale of burps. So they are smaller cuter and sometimes funny. But no longer the alphabet or loud booming burps they once were. I've tried - but I physically can not burp a big one in front of him.

Same with farts -- I'll try to excuse myself - but after eating a burito or any other gas inducing foods -- they are bound to happen - so I wait until he fluffs first and then try to be quiet and non-deadly. I will my fluffer farts to be delicate and smell like an ocean breaze. haha- I'm not very skilled at willing them this way - but I will one day percivere.

3. We share the tab -- we don't follow any sort of rhyme or reason but we each take turns. Same with driving. Yes, he still remembers my doors most of the time. I'm not the queen of England so I can't expect that he should get them every time but he's pretty good about it.

4. I do nice things for him and he does nice things for me. i.e. I do the dishes, he remembers to bring up a towel for me at night so when I get up before him I don't have to stumble downstairs and get one in the morning. cute and dorky tenderness, no where mentioned in the rules book...

5. We are open and honest about stuff -- I even have a special "disapproving look" face that he is an expert at identifying.

So my rule is just to be me and not play ridiculous games otherwise I might come off as a weirdo and I'm already a freak of nature.