Dating Diary:
So I've been online dating for about a year – on and off and I've met some great people – and some unusual souls as well. I've changed the names to protect the innocent.
Usually it all starts on a selection of websites that I frequent, okcupid.com, match.com, even myspace.com from time to time.
Someone sends a message, hopefully these messages are substantial, humorous and properly punctuated, avoiding lingo like UR, writing in all capitals, being from another country trying to tell me about a relatives fortune in a foreign land, fake compliments, or cheesy pick up lines – after a few messages, it generally leads to online chatting involving one of the messengers out there – and then eventually phone calls and emails come into play. After the designated screening time to make sure the person isn't an axe murderer, cross dresser, 14 or 63 year old, or just plain kooky then a meet and greet date is arranged.
I like to meet people in the afternoon – preferably somewhere where I'm somewhat familiar, for coffee, a light lunch and this way the afternoon is open to do something else like mini golf, bowling, flying kites, robbing liquor stores, anything is game. So I've got some stories about my meet and greet dates, there's the good the bad and ugly. Hope you can laugh at my dating misfortunes. I know I do.
A date with George
So I had been chatting with this guy, we'll call him George. Well I thought he was okay, I had a couple others in the online dating wings and I was more interested in being friends, but that's not how George rolled. He was persistent, and nice, so I thought what the heck, he's met the "somewhat normal" criteria, and I'll let him buy me dinner.
So we met at the agreed location. He drove a vehicle that was less than desirable, a large truck with the frame jacked up, big antennas dancing in the breeze. Scary vehicle. So scary that I would not let him drive, to where we were going to dinner.
First impressions: He's got a scary vehicle. He's taller than most trees. Slightly dirty, this was expected since he was a diesel technician. It's just dinner I tell myself, just go to dinner and try to have fun.
So since I would not get in his scary vehicle, I offered to drive to the dinner location he selected, so we go, we order and we eat. I ordered meat of some sort -- WELL done and he ordered steak and wanted it as pink as they could legally serve it. It looked raw. It was disgusting me the bloody slab of cow on the table. We had pleasant small talk, ate dinner and then I escaped to the bathroom to brush my teeth. (a inconvience of the braces- but one day I will not have to worry about half digested meat and veggies stuck in my brackets.)
The bill came, I always offer to cover my tab – but this is a fake offer, he is supposed to refuse and pay for the meal at least through the first 5 dates. He refused to let me pay, and paid for the meal – and tipped the waitress. Now on a first date both people are in the spotlight – in the interview chair and every detail is scrutinized. Fair or unfair – I care how people tip. #1: You learn if they can do simple math to figure out the appropriate tip: 15% or 20% . #2: You also learn if they value a wait staff on the same 15% to 20% scale that is dictated by society. He only tipped $5. It was a $60+ dinner for two, I am embarrassed but because I am also under the spot light I can not threaten his manhood by adding to the tip on the table. So our superb waitress was not compensated properly. Sorry Waitress!
So we get in my car and head out – where to go next? Back to his car to drop him off so I can go home? OHhhhh no. That would be silly. Let's for a walk in the park – ok fine. I'm wearing ok shoes – so I don't put up a fight. We go for a walk – he picks me a flower- we swing on swings. Then he invites me to his place, to play a board game.
He lives with his parents. Ok. (I live with my parents – I can't judge, but I'm a little old fashioned and I'm sorry but It's ok for girls and not ok for boys.) So I meet the folks, Mom in her nighty – Dad in his skivvies – he lives in the basement with his brother – I meet the brother. Then the three of us watch a movie and play RISK. It's storming pretty bad now. I just want to go home – I don't have any diet coke and am offered a regular coke instead… I drink it but feel bad when the brother goes to get one and I'm drinking the last one.
After the rain lets up a little I say I should get going. He offers to follow me home to make sure I get through the storm. I'm fine – let me take you to your truck. So I take him to his scary vehicle, he asks if I kiss on the first date, I say no, and he kisses me on the cheek anyways. VIOLATION. Haha. We part ways, By the time I got home he had already called and texted me. --- a little too much – I call to say I've made it home, he wants to make a second date – I suggest being friends. Poor George. Sharing so much on a first date is turn off – I want to know about your hobbies and interests, not what your mom and dad wear to bed.
Great dates that ended in friendship:
I have met two fabulous people online and they are both funny and great dates – however it just wasn't a romantic match. I wish Nate and Patrick (real names this time) the best of luck in there online pursuits! They are truly wonderful guys.
A date with Henry:
I met Henry online and I was not interested, it was purely platonic for me – but we would have wonderful conversations about all sorts of things and he was a little older in a profession I greatly respect – So I liked him as a person – and thought well it might be the age thing that's the hang up – maybe I should give it a shot. He is 14 years my senior. He lived a little further away – as in a afternoon drive, so I left my comfort zone to head to Pequot Lakes (I've changed the city too, but it gives an idea of distance from me – 2.5 hours) We met as his residence.
First Impressions: He's friendly, he smells a little like sandalwood and old man and some other disctinct – slightly unpleasant smell that I can not pin point. He's got very strong facial features.
He has walked home from work the day before and asks me to take him to his car. Ok, that's fine. We pick up his vehicle, I feel like I'm on my drivers test – but tell myself just get over the age gap – it's only 14 years… So after that we are back at his house – I bring up my purse and the remainder of my 12 pk of diet coke I needed for traveling.
His house is more like an apartment and I notice the temperature – It's cold in there, asked him why – and he keeps the temperature low to save money – and that is how it's done in Pequot Lakes.
We head out to go to lunch. We go to this little hole in the wall place and eat, it has charm and the food was pretty good. Afterwards we go to his house to watch a movie – there was a lack of selection. So it was this bad 80's movie. Anyways so we had a good time at lunch and now we were watching a movie on the brink of making out. OK then we were making out – it was nice. And then he stops – I don't know if he thought I was going to participate in more than making out – I'm a good girl and don't do such things on a first date – but he feels compelled to tell me that he has an undesirable affliction of the sexually transmitted variety. The door bell rings the moment I reach my freak out factor. He leaves to get the door, I get my purse and diet coke together – he comes up – I say I don't feel comfortable – I need space to process – I need to freak out an wash my mouth out with lots of Listerine. I just feel gross and deceived and although I understand why he didn't say – I wish he would have…
He explains that how he was infected, that there is a low risk because he doesn't have an outbreak currently, and I'm still in my freak out – get out mode. So that's what I do – I get out – call the folks – and head home. I still talk to Henry on occasion as I think he's a great guy – it was just too much for me to handle that day and I'm not sure if it was the news or the assumption that something was going to happen that freaked me out more…
So yes, I'm only interested in clean, healthy dates. The std factor is a deal breaker.
The date with Frank:
Frank and I went to the same high school and back in the day we would make out in parks, and have fun. We grew a part. But last summer – we found each other online and decided to meet for dinner. So we met for dinner and we talked and played catch up. It was fun and good to see him. Afterwards we went and rented a movie – and went to his place – Normally not a first date activity I don't want you thinking I'm that kind of girl! But you must remember that we've known each other for years and we've already went out on dates – just several years before. So we rented a movie and we were watching it – and I reach over to do my standard elbow fondling – (don't ask me why – but I love elbows!) any ways – he leaps to the other end of the couch – ok – he just wants to watch the movie – he's freaking out. But I get up run to the loo and come back sitting next to him. Just sitting and he's very intent on watching the movie – so we watch the movie- the movie ends I hook my hand around his arm and tell him thanks and he walks me to the door and hugs me. Later I find out that he's recently got out of a relationship and wasn't ready – not even for my elbow grope. Haven't really talked to Frank since then – but he's a fantastic guy and I wish him the best of luck in his dating pursuits – hope his heart is healing.
The date that never was: Avoiding Levi
So earlier this spring I was online again, and someone has sent me a "wink" or "woo" I respond – messages are exchanged – he seems normal, a little younger than I like - 24… I generally like someone that is older than myself, they generally are more mature – and are done with the youthful hijinx. So anyways this guy Levi is funny and seems normal. He's a little younger – a little taller (6-3) but I try not to judge based on height – that would be mean. So he's given me his phone number – I haven't called it – I had a couple dates planned with Sven and Russell so I went out them to see what would happen.
**dramatic pause**
Date with Sven: It was fantastic, he was fantastic – but he was moving away and not to be back for sometime. He was a little odd but in a good way, quirky enough to propose online – great conversationalist – but let's face it – I'm not going to agree to engagement after pizza and a walk through a garden. But he's nice and we still talk – he's out of state now and my interests have declined slightly. But he's a good guy – woo-hoo a good guy. That in itself is an online dating success. We're online buddies now – he's about to head overseas for a special mission. His jump to commitment – and his long distance is not what I'm looking for so – on to the next….
Date with Russell: He was not what his picture looked like – we met for coffee – he wouldn't even spring for the coffee – how rude. We had pleasant conversation and sat for 3 hours and people watched and talked about life and online dating- it was this conversation that gave me the idea to blog about it – cause there a lots of funny moments in dating. But half way through the date – there was only the platonic vibe – which I'm fine with – you can never have enough friends, it was mutual – but we parted ways and later I received an online message – that stated the obvious – that this was not a romantic match – so I replied "thanks for saying that, if you want to be friends cool- if not bygones" … no response – no hard feelings, but the lumberjack facial hair is usually a red flag for me that things will not work.
**back to the Levi story***
So things didn't work out with Sven or Russell, onward and upward I say. I have this phone number in my phone – so I decide one afternoon on lunch to text Levi. He's texts back – this goes on through out my lunch hour while I'm shopping online and eating wheat thins… I send him a message that I'm on lunch and I won't be responding after I'm back to work - -- he keeps texting, I ignore.
I get home go about my business – eating dinner – doing laundry after all what are Monday nights for. He calls – at 10:30 --- all those that know me, that 10:30 is late for me, I'm an early bird – so if I get a call at 10:30 something must be on fire, someone must be ill, something urgent must be pressing. It's Levi. He's on vacation in California. So he thinks it's only 8:30 – but he lives here and I don't think he's that dumb not to realize - anyways we talk for a bit – every other word out of his mouth is FiretrUCK. And in this 45 minute conversation he has already told me that he likes that I'm so little – but it's the way that he says it – that gives me the creeps. He likes that I have braces and look younger --- also creepy. He's also volunteered that WHEN WE HAVE BABIES he will take care of them during the day and I'll have them at night. I ask him if he already has children – he replies "am I dumb?" I reply - "I don't know – maybe?" After this I'm grossed out and ready for bed --- I end the conversation – He ORDERS me to call him
I say "maybe" knowing I will never talk to him again. He suggests we go out - I suggest he think up something fun to do – he suggests going to the movies - bad first date idea buster, and then he suggests getting drunk (did he read my profile – I don't drink that often) I tell him those are lame ideas – and to think up something else. I end the phone call.
Tomorrow comes. I never call. He proceeds to text and call at all hours of the day and night - I end up sending a form letter from match.com stating that I'm not interested for all the reasons they let me check in the checkbox format. He replied – really why not… I used the remove and block feature.
After my adventure with Levi --- I start looking at only guys who are older and within my height required zone:
A date with Roger:
I end up getting a message from Roger. Roger made it to the second date before I was absolutely sure he was not as likeable as he claimed. Our first date was cheese cake – he was shy and more of the strong and silent type --- (why it didn't work) – for the second date we agreed upon bowling in the late morning and grabbing some lunch - He suggested the bowling alley we meet at – I was surprised since it was one that was pretty close to me, and he was driving up from south of the south metro… but ok that's fine. I say well I'll figure out somewhere near to eat. Later I find out that he feels inconvenienced by the 1.5 hr drive he made and the fact the he couldn't sleep in til 12 on a Saturday! Oh wah – he had opportunity and options to make the date a later one. But no he was not a very good bowler – which isn't a deal breaker – but he lacked enthusiasm – (cause he would rather be sleeping) and he was not competitive enough – he was like a slug trying to move the ball down the alley. He lacked good sportsmanship and was pouting. Enough – lets end it here – but oh no we did lunch – struggled some more to get the dude to talk – but it didn't work. He was too shy or too stoic or too something that was ticking me off – he hugged me goodbye and I took off - I think he took a nap in his car. Which is funny since he loves exercise and is a self proclaimed gym rat – I figured he'd be fun to do more sporty activities with… boy was I wrong.
A date with Clyde:
I end up getting a message from Clyde. Clyde was into arts and literature – we had nice conversations and decided to meet one Sunday afternoon at the art museum (this was the day after cheesecake with Roger) So we met and had a great time – we walked through and looked and things commented on things – but then it just ended – there was the awkward should I shake your hand or hug you moment – since then we have been exchanging recipes and to read book lists. To bad – cause Clyde had a voice that could melt my butter. But bygones.
A date with Jon:
After Sundays date with Clyde I went out for drinks with Jon – I'm not going to write to much – cause this is the guy I'm interested in and don't want to jinx things – but we've had several successful dates and he's a great guy. J
A date with Francis:
So Monday was Jon and Tuesday was Francis, Francis and I have been online talking for sometime - funny how someone can be two different people – online and real life… well this guy was hiding a whole persona --- we met for coffee, with the possibility of dinner,
He was a little older than I like – (35 is my limit – he was 37…) (rules are made to be broken). On the date I discover that he lives with his parents – and not in the "I'm taking care of them way" but instead of the "I'm too lazy to move out sort of way". He also has a passion for Magna and Anime that I will never understand – he gave me synopsis on several plots of the ones he's read. He was dressed like a nerdy old mad, and had spiders of chest hair pouring out of his shirt. I ended the date at the coffee place – and then proceeded to the local McDonalds to get me monthly quota of big Macs go home.
A date with Ken:
So Tuesday was a disaster with Francis, Wednesday was a partial success with Ken. We had a good time – went to dinner – but he travels quite a bit for his job. He's a busy bee and I've been pretty busy trying to keep all these dates in order! Haven't heard from him but it was a fun dinner.
A date with Martin:
The other day I met Martin for coffee - -- I know – I'm drinking a lot of coffee these days! He was nice and funny but just a little too religious for my tastes – But he's a great guy and I hope to be friends…
As you can see I'm getting a little better about weeding the disasters out!
Religion and Philosophy
Dating Diary Part 2:
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So where did I leave off --- Oh yes, I was dating Jon for awhile --- and that fizzled after we both realized we were just good companions and there wasn't much of a smitten feeling after all. But we still do dinner once in awhile catch up on life's happenings. We did have fun dates – dinner and movies of course, a picnic by the river where I brought way too much food for 10 people let alone just the two of us. I met his incredibly sweet Auntie's it was fun and I think we'll be good friends. I went on my first motorcycle ride and was a little scaredy cat. But in the end he's a pretty busy guy and we all know that I have a pretty full schedule… so after all was said – I'm back on the carnival pony – going round and round the dating wheel, what's a girl gotta do to get some cotton candy. No innuendo intended. Ha-ha.
Alexander - we met and watched fireworks awhile back - nice guy, excellent texter, we'll be buddies if either of us is bored here in A-town. He was little too tall – I know who am I to complain about height but he had a nice smile and was very patriotic in his dress as this was circa the 4th of July. He did make me embarrass myself by playing the piano for him – What doesn't you city have a community piano traveling through fireworks? Thaddeus - a little shy but yet to be determined, we went for lunch at the Texas Road House. God, I love the butter they have there. If I could package the butter that they use in a candy bar form – I'd be 9000 lbs – but damn it's really that good. Now Thaddy was super nice – maybe a little shy over lunch – a bigger guy that should be more confident and own his body – Nice guy – we're online buddies now – and I wish him well with his recent exploits with his lady friend! Jenson - we met for coffee and cribbage --I over caffeinated myself... per usual - had a lot in common and some voodoo jinxing going on, I'm interested so we will see what happens. We met again – for an early bird dinner – man this guy likes coffee a lot – he had it with dinner! Dinner = Diet Coke, but don't worry I'm not putting him on the do not call list just yet. After dinner we went and had coffee and played cribbage – I skunked him and I got to gloat --- I love to win – that is until he kicked my butt the next game. He's an excellent hugger – none of that half hug bull crap, but a good solid hug. We went out again the following day --- more food, more coffee, more cribbage --- I think we might need to do something else next time – but we have fun talking about his screen play and I keep bring up clichés and other possible twists and thinks I'm a little zany and he doesn't mind telling me I'm being a wackadoo – but you know me I can't stop once I start! The defect you ask --- well he's only in Minnesota part time – he just bought a house in a neighboring state and his folks are here – so he's here but he's not here… and so I'm not as interested as I might be if he were here permanently.
A couple dates that never were since the above entries are little blando…
Well there is this guy on my yahoo messenger list we can call him Waldo. He's very attractive --- and he seemed normal enough for me to give him my screen name – but every time we talked online he wanted me to call him or he wanted me to watch his web cam and show me pictures of his treasure trail… and personally I like to find Lucky Charms in person – you know? Makes the marshmallow goodness – well… better. Girls like surprises remember. Soo he's an online perv – and I don't give online pervs the time of day.
Speaking of online pervs – on one of the dating sites I started emailing and chatting with this fantastic guy – but he is far far away in land with out grass – (wasn't that a dramatic way of eluding to Arizona? Pretty clever eh? Ok I'll stop now. ) His profile made me dry heave with laughter – those who know the dry heave – know – that it my laugh with no sound --- that gets worse and worse by the moment. And he's a little frisky but not in the you are a psycho kind of way – he's flirtations are most endearing and I wish him happy well thoughts as he tries to find someone who is remotely interested in him or his tongue ring. Ha-ha.
I normally have a distance requirement of 50 miles – 100 tops and that's if I'm being particularly generous with requirements that day… you know just to see what's out there. But alas – I follow good online dating Karma get a message --- respond to message, the only ones I don't respond to are the way to olds. Because you never know when you'll be bored online with insomnia – not that I have that problem, but it's good to have a solution in mind for every problem.
So I'll do a run through of a couple more online buddies that didn't make the date.
There was Ned, Ned didn't make the date for various reasons --- first off he was a little on the old side, He was 37 again – and must I remind you what happened with the last 37 year old (think anime convention guy) He was separated… now I'm not a big fan of divorced --- I could probably date a guy that's been divorced – well I know I can since the last boyfriend I had was divorced. But still "officially" married – not going to happen – for several reasons. At first he was normal --- small talk, interests, dislikes, amusingness… you know being silly and dealing with my randomness… But then --- he was sending me emails like "Where are you" Why aren't you writing back – creepy. So I sent him a note saying that I met someone and I needed to see if it was going anywhere. We haven't talked much since then. But he was way clingy – and kept reminding me of his phone number in every email. Yes, I got it, No, I'm not calling.
Then there was Owen, he's a nice guy – he lives a little out of the way for anything serious to happen – and he confessed to me that he's pretty inexperienced in the ways of dating --- He's a nice guy and we chat online but I knew if we went out on a date it would have been awkward.
Ok so back to the real live dates:
So I met this guy online, he's funny and odd -- he has the same name as one of my cats… this should have swayed me away – but it didn't we'll call him Max by the way.
I think the problem was we talked to long online – we both had expectations and I think it's fair to say we both felt a little disappointed when there wasn't the real life connection. First impressions – he looked like his picture – which is a little odd since he kept trying to convince me and everyone else on this particular dating website, that he looked better than his picture… but alas he looked like his picture – maybe a couple pounds lighter – but the same. His voice was a soft and higher voice than I prefer, but he wasn't a Kermit the frog or a cooking monster voice – but it was a noticeable first impression. Dinner was pleasant – his mode of transportation however was something to be desired, it was an older truck --- very loud, had some problems with ohhh I don't know everything, the speedometer, the fuel gauge, the windshield wiper was stuck in the upright position, no a/c, no radio, only my window worked. The windows were icky with dog slobber, the whole thing was an icky experience. Oh did I forget that the Reverse function was lacking --- How can you have a vehicle that you can't totally depend on being able to back up?
So before we met at his place to go to dinner he made the request that we dress up --- so I dressed up, black pants, cute shirt, heels – He wore a fricking polo shirt – now I have nothing against polo shirts – but seriously, it does not fit into the category of dressing up. So after dinner we went back to his place --- for a costume change before going out for drinks --- ok fine – get dressed up, get casual, what's next the swimsuit competition? So we went out for a couple of beers – and I think at that point it was evident that it was purely platonic.
A date with Xavier, we went to my favorite all time first date place to eat. Red Robin. I love that place – because I know – I will not be disappointed with the food – I'm comfy there knowing that the Bonsai burger is only moments away from my mouth. OK I just really like the Plymouth Red Robin and yes --- If the place is up to me – it's going to be Red Robin. So he let me pick – I picked Red Robin – aside from it being a hearty burger for my belly --- it is also reasonable in price, the service is excellent, the bathrooms are clean and it's close to where I work so I know how long I can go wander around Target and still make it there to meet at the designated time.
So originally we were only going to meet for drinks --- but then he was interested in food – (thank god) so we had a drink before hand and then din din. Conversation was good – he's better looking than in his pictures. We didn't have any pregnant conversations (you know those awkward silence moments) He wasn't completely grossed out with my having bonsai goodness in my braces – he actually commented that he wouldn't look and then gave me this endeared look. It was sweet. Anyways – now you know another one of my secret tests--- ickiness in the braces is going to happen might as well happen on the first date, that way I can weed out those with squeamish stomachs. We have another date planned for next week.
A date with Charles. This guy is hilarious – I don't know why I agreed to go to McDonald's on a first date but alas --- we agreed McDonald's. He even sent me a map of the McDonald's location he selected – since I couldn't pin point the nearest location of the most attractive water tower in ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Maple Grove. So I take the longest most convoluted way to get to said McDonalds – and I'm still at least 30 minutes early so I send a little text message to let him know I'm there – and helllloooo hungry – cause there is no way quicker to win me over than with at least one big mac sandwich, (if you want to know how many I prefer to eat you'll just have to message me some secrets aren't meant for the general public. ) Sweetness and personality only get you so far --- it's the sesame seed bun which speaks volumes. Ok minor exaggeration - but I love McDonalds more than the average anyone. (But I've been a good girl and limited my McD's trips to once a month – but there was a time in life where it was an every 3rd day event --- granted my other options included pizza and ramen ha-ha, mmm college student diet… don't miss that) Onward! So I'm early --- he calls – saying that he had to go home to change… can you believe this guy – what is it with men and their outfits!
Sheesh – ok – he says he'll be there in 20 minutes… Ok I go over to Walgreen's and walk around a little bit – get some lifesavers and some other boring items not worth the mentioning.
Chucky calls and he's gotten himself a little lost--- oh great. Didn't he send me the map? Ok so he gets on the road that he's supposed to be on – tells me he's on his way. We greet outside – and wave – and head inside for the fast food goodness. I order the much anticipated number one! Ask him if it'll be together or separate --- the kiddo behind the counter is very confused – not sure if was confused in general, or at the sudden burst of laughter – as it went Chucky sprung for dinner. But the clerk had to put our orders in separately – I told you he was confused!--- which turns out is ok, I mean just cause I'm out on a date with someone does not mean I want to share my McDonald's tray. I go off to get my diet coke and a surplus of napkins and ketchup --- Charles is waiting for his nugget meal to appear out of thin air.
At this point in time I am accosted by a very talkative older man who is sporting his McDonald's uniform with pride, he proceeds to tell me all about his medical ailments and procedure and I nod and say sorry to hear about that trying not to be rude, but not overly interested and he's just an old guy looking for someone to talk about his life. I'm ok with this – but now Charles has selected a table and the guy is still telling me about his leg and the x-rays. I tell him to take care of himself and that it's unfortunate. Chucky comes back from getting his soda-pop-carbonated beverage. It was a nice dinner conversation – no need to censor – some people I tone down the Kristenisms and oddities… but it was stated that we were both going to be ourselves and not the zombie that we both despise.
Dinner went well – time for a movie – that is if we can find the movie theatre! I guess he didn't have a map for this one – cause now we were playing follow the leader and there are a couple of theatres in the area – but we wanted to see "Knocked Up" so I assume that it's in the cheapo theatre – which I've only seen once in passing through – but can't remember where exactly it is – so we drive around – and Mr. Not Sure Where the Hell it is - keeps running yellow lights so I have to run red lights… oops. And grrr. Ok so we drive around and find the regular theatre and then it is decided that we will have to find something there to watch… so we go and see the Bourne Ultimatum and it was pretty good – I've never giggle so much through a movie that was intended for giggling though.
The date was fun – I'd like to go out again so we'll see, then again I think he had an ulterior motive – he's been waiting for me to blog about the date and so voila here it is the blog on the date with Charles.
So I've been online dating for about a year – on and off and I've met some great people – and some unusual souls as well. I've changed the names to protect the innocent.
Usually it all starts on a selection of websites that I frequent, okcupid.com, match.com, even myspace.com from time to time.
Someone sends a message, hopefully these messages are substantial, humorous and properly punctuated, avoiding lingo like UR, writing in all capitals, being from another country trying to tell me about a relatives fortune in a foreign land, fake compliments, or cheesy pick up lines – after a few messages, it generally leads to online chatting involving one of the messengers out there – and then eventually phone calls and emails come into play. After the designated screening time to make sure the person isn't an axe murderer, cross dresser, 14 or 63 year old, or just plain kooky then a meet and greet date is arranged.
I like to meet people in the afternoon – preferably somewhere where I'm somewhat familiar, for coffee, a light lunch and this way the afternoon is open to do something else like mini golf, bowling, flying kites, robbing liquor stores, anything is game. So I've got some stories about my meet and greet dates, there's the good the bad and ugly. Hope you can laugh at my dating misfortunes. I know I do.
A date with George
So I had been chatting with this guy, we'll call him George. Well I thought he was okay, I had a couple others in the online dating wings and I was more interested in being friends, but that's not how George rolled. He was persistent, and nice, so I thought what the heck, he's met the "somewhat normal" criteria, and I'll let him buy me dinner.
So we met at the agreed location. He drove a vehicle that was less than desirable, a large truck with the frame jacked up, big antennas dancing in the breeze. Scary vehicle. So scary that I would not let him drive, to where we were going to dinner.
First impressions: He's got a scary vehicle. He's taller than most trees. Slightly dirty, this was expected since he was a diesel technician. It's just dinner I tell myself, just go to dinner and try to have fun.
So since I would not get in his scary vehicle, I offered to drive to the dinner location he selected, so we go, we order and we eat. I ordered meat of some sort -- WELL done and he ordered steak and wanted it as pink as they could legally serve it. It looked raw. It was disgusting me the bloody slab of cow on the table. We had pleasant small talk, ate dinner and then I escaped to the bathroom to brush my teeth. (a inconvience of the braces- but one day I will not have to worry about half digested meat and veggies stuck in my brackets.)
The bill came, I always offer to cover my tab – but this is a fake offer, he is supposed to refuse and pay for the meal at least through the first 5 dates. He refused to let me pay, and paid for the meal – and tipped the waitress. Now on a first date both people are in the spotlight – in the interview chair and every detail is scrutinized. Fair or unfair – I care how people tip. #1: You learn if they can do simple math to figure out the appropriate tip: 15% or 20% . #2: You also learn if they value a wait staff on the same 15% to 20% scale that is dictated by society. He only tipped $5. It was a $60+ dinner for two, I am embarrassed but because I am also under the spot light I can not threaten his manhood by adding to the tip on the table. So our superb waitress was not compensated properly. Sorry Waitress!
So we get in my car and head out – where to go next? Back to his car to drop him off so I can go home? OHhhhh no. That would be silly. Let's for a walk in the park – ok fine. I'm wearing ok shoes – so I don't put up a fight. We go for a walk – he picks me a flower- we swing on swings. Then he invites me to his place, to play a board game.
He lives with his parents. Ok. (I live with my parents – I can't judge, but I'm a little old fashioned and I'm sorry but It's ok for girls and not ok for boys.) So I meet the folks, Mom in her nighty – Dad in his skivvies – he lives in the basement with his brother – I meet the brother. Then the three of us watch a movie and play RISK. It's storming pretty bad now. I just want to go home – I don't have any diet coke and am offered a regular coke instead… I drink it but feel bad when the brother goes to get one and I'm drinking the last one.
After the rain lets up a little I say I should get going. He offers to follow me home to make sure I get through the storm. I'm fine – let me take you to your truck. So I take him to his scary vehicle, he asks if I kiss on the first date, I say no, and he kisses me on the cheek anyways. VIOLATION. Haha. We part ways, By the time I got home he had already called and texted me. --- a little too much – I call to say I've made it home, he wants to make a second date – I suggest being friends. Poor George. Sharing so much on a first date is turn off – I want to know about your hobbies and interests, not what your mom and dad wear to bed.
Great dates that ended in friendship:
I have met two fabulous people online and they are both funny and great dates – however it just wasn't a romantic match. I wish Nate and Patrick (real names this time) the best of luck in there online pursuits! They are truly wonderful guys.
A date with Henry:
I met Henry online and I was not interested, it was purely platonic for me – but we would have wonderful conversations about all sorts of things and he was a little older in a profession I greatly respect – So I liked him as a person – and thought well it might be the age thing that's the hang up – maybe I should give it a shot. He is 14 years my senior. He lived a little further away – as in a afternoon drive, so I left my comfort zone to head to Pequot Lakes (I've changed the city too, but it gives an idea of distance from me – 2.5 hours) We met as his residence.
First Impressions: He's friendly, he smells a little like sandalwood and old man and some other disctinct – slightly unpleasant smell that I can not pin point. He's got very strong facial features.
He has walked home from work the day before and asks me to take him to his car. Ok, that's fine. We pick up his vehicle, I feel like I'm on my drivers test – but tell myself just get over the age gap – it's only 14 years… So after that we are back at his house – I bring up my purse and the remainder of my 12 pk of diet coke I needed for traveling.
His house is more like an apartment and I notice the temperature – It's cold in there, asked him why – and he keeps the temperature low to save money – and that is how it's done in Pequot Lakes.
We head out to go to lunch. We go to this little hole in the wall place and eat, it has charm and the food was pretty good. Afterwards we go to his house to watch a movie – there was a lack of selection. So it was this bad 80's movie. Anyways so we had a good time at lunch and now we were watching a movie on the brink of making out. OK then we were making out – it was nice. And then he stops – I don't know if he thought I was going to participate in more than making out – I'm a good girl and don't do such things on a first date – but he feels compelled to tell me that he has an undesirable affliction of the sexually transmitted variety. The door bell rings the moment I reach my freak out factor. He leaves to get the door, I get my purse and diet coke together – he comes up – I say I don't feel comfortable – I need space to process – I need to freak out an wash my mouth out with lots of Listerine. I just feel gross and deceived and although I understand why he didn't say – I wish he would have…
He explains that how he was infected, that there is a low risk because he doesn't have an outbreak currently, and I'm still in my freak out – get out mode. So that's what I do – I get out – call the folks – and head home. I still talk to Henry on occasion as I think he's a great guy – it was just too much for me to handle that day and I'm not sure if it was the news or the assumption that something was going to happen that freaked me out more…
So yes, I'm only interested in clean, healthy dates. The std factor is a deal breaker.
The date with Frank:
Frank and I went to the same high school and back in the day we would make out in parks, and have fun. We grew a part. But last summer – we found each other online and decided to meet for dinner. So we met for dinner and we talked and played catch up. It was fun and good to see him. Afterwards we went and rented a movie – and went to his place – Normally not a first date activity I don't want you thinking I'm that kind of girl! But you must remember that we've known each other for years and we've already went out on dates – just several years before. So we rented a movie and we were watching it – and I reach over to do my standard elbow fondling – (don't ask me why – but I love elbows!) any ways – he leaps to the other end of the couch – ok – he just wants to watch the movie – he's freaking out. But I get up run to the loo and come back sitting next to him. Just sitting and he's very intent on watching the movie – so we watch the movie- the movie ends I hook my hand around his arm and tell him thanks and he walks me to the door and hugs me. Later I find out that he's recently got out of a relationship and wasn't ready – not even for my elbow grope. Haven't really talked to Frank since then – but he's a fantastic guy and I wish him the best of luck in his dating pursuits – hope his heart is healing.
The date that never was: Avoiding Levi
So earlier this spring I was online again, and someone has sent me a "wink" or "woo" I respond – messages are exchanged – he seems normal, a little younger than I like - 24… I generally like someone that is older than myself, they generally are more mature – and are done with the youthful hijinx. So anyways this guy Levi is funny and seems normal. He's a little younger – a little taller (6-3) but I try not to judge based on height – that would be mean. So he's given me his phone number – I haven't called it – I had a couple dates planned with Sven and Russell so I went out them to see what would happen.
**dramatic pause**
Date with Sven: It was fantastic, he was fantastic – but he was moving away and not to be back for sometime. He was a little odd but in a good way, quirky enough to propose online – great conversationalist – but let's face it – I'm not going to agree to engagement after pizza and a walk through a garden. But he's nice and we still talk – he's out of state now and my interests have declined slightly. But he's a good guy – woo-hoo a good guy. That in itself is an online dating success. We're online buddies now – he's about to head overseas for a special mission. His jump to commitment – and his long distance is not what I'm looking for so – on to the next….
Date with Russell: He was not what his picture looked like – we met for coffee – he wouldn't even spring for the coffee – how rude. We had pleasant conversation and sat for 3 hours and people watched and talked about life and online dating- it was this conversation that gave me the idea to blog about it – cause there a lots of funny moments in dating. But half way through the date – there was only the platonic vibe – which I'm fine with – you can never have enough friends, it was mutual – but we parted ways and later I received an online message – that stated the obvious – that this was not a romantic match – so I replied "thanks for saying that, if you want to be friends cool- if not bygones" … no response – no hard feelings, but the lumberjack facial hair is usually a red flag for me that things will not work.
**back to the Levi story***
So things didn't work out with Sven or Russell, onward and upward I say. I have this phone number in my phone – so I decide one afternoon on lunch to text Levi. He's texts back – this goes on through out my lunch hour while I'm shopping online and eating wheat thins… I send him a message that I'm on lunch and I won't be responding after I'm back to work - -- he keeps texting, I ignore.
I get home go about my business – eating dinner – doing laundry after all what are Monday nights for. He calls – at 10:30 --- all those that know me, that 10:30 is late for me, I'm an early bird – so if I get a call at 10:30 something must be on fire, someone must be ill, something urgent must be pressing. It's Levi. He's on vacation in California. So he thinks it's only 8:30 – but he lives here and I don't think he's that dumb not to realize - anyways we talk for a bit – every other word out of his mouth is FiretrUCK. And in this 45 minute conversation he has already told me that he likes that I'm so little – but it's the way that he says it – that gives me the creeps. He likes that I have braces and look younger --- also creepy. He's also volunteered that WHEN WE HAVE BABIES he will take care of them during the day and I'll have them at night. I ask him if he already has children – he replies "am I dumb?" I reply - "I don't know – maybe?" After this I'm grossed out and ready for bed --- I end the conversation – He ORDERS me to call him
I say "maybe" knowing I will never talk to him again. He suggests we go out - I suggest he think up something fun to do – he suggests going to the movies - bad first date idea buster, and then he suggests getting drunk (did he read my profile – I don't drink that often) I tell him those are lame ideas – and to think up something else. I end the phone call.
Tomorrow comes. I never call. He proceeds to text and call at all hours of the day and night - I end up sending a form letter from match.com stating that I'm not interested for all the reasons they let me check in the checkbox format. He replied – really why not… I used the remove and block feature.
After my adventure with Levi --- I start looking at only guys who are older and within my height required zone:
A date with Roger:
I end up getting a message from Roger. Roger made it to the second date before I was absolutely sure he was not as likeable as he claimed. Our first date was cheese cake – he was shy and more of the strong and silent type --- (why it didn't work) – for the second date we agreed upon bowling in the late morning and grabbing some lunch - He suggested the bowling alley we meet at – I was surprised since it was one that was pretty close to me, and he was driving up from south of the south metro… but ok that's fine. I say well I'll figure out somewhere near to eat. Later I find out that he feels inconvenienced by the 1.5 hr drive he made and the fact the he couldn't sleep in til 12 on a Saturday! Oh wah – he had opportunity and options to make the date a later one. But no he was not a very good bowler – which isn't a deal breaker – but he lacked enthusiasm – (cause he would rather be sleeping) and he was not competitive enough – he was like a slug trying to move the ball down the alley. He lacked good sportsmanship and was pouting. Enough – lets end it here – but oh no we did lunch – struggled some more to get the dude to talk – but it didn't work. He was too shy or too stoic or too something that was ticking me off – he hugged me goodbye and I took off - I think he took a nap in his car. Which is funny since he loves exercise and is a self proclaimed gym rat – I figured he'd be fun to do more sporty activities with… boy was I wrong.
A date with Clyde:
I end up getting a message from Clyde. Clyde was into arts and literature – we had nice conversations and decided to meet one Sunday afternoon at the art museum (this was the day after cheesecake with Roger) So we met and had a great time – we walked through and looked and things commented on things – but then it just ended – there was the awkward should I shake your hand or hug you moment – since then we have been exchanging recipes and to read book lists. To bad – cause Clyde had a voice that could melt my butter. But bygones.
A date with Jon:
After Sundays date with Clyde I went out for drinks with Jon – I'm not going to write to much – cause this is the guy I'm interested in and don't want to jinx things – but we've had several successful dates and he's a great guy. J
A date with Francis:
So Monday was Jon and Tuesday was Francis, Francis and I have been online talking for sometime - funny how someone can be two different people – online and real life… well this guy was hiding a whole persona --- we met for coffee, with the possibility of dinner,
He was a little older than I like – (35 is my limit – he was 37…) (rules are made to be broken). On the date I discover that he lives with his parents – and not in the "I'm taking care of them way" but instead of the "I'm too lazy to move out sort of way". He also has a passion for Magna and Anime that I will never understand – he gave me synopsis on several plots of the ones he's read. He was dressed like a nerdy old mad, and had spiders of chest hair pouring out of his shirt. I ended the date at the coffee place – and then proceeded to the local McDonalds to get me monthly quota of big Macs go home.
A date with Ken:
So Tuesday was a disaster with Francis, Wednesday was a partial success with Ken. We had a good time – went to dinner – but he travels quite a bit for his job. He's a busy bee and I've been pretty busy trying to keep all these dates in order! Haven't heard from him but it was a fun dinner.
A date with Martin:
The other day I met Martin for coffee - -- I know – I'm drinking a lot of coffee these days! He was nice and funny but just a little too religious for my tastes – But he's a great guy and I hope to be friends…
As you can see I'm getting a little better about weeding the disasters out!
Religion and Philosophy
Dating Diary Part 2:
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So where did I leave off --- Oh yes, I was dating Jon for awhile --- and that fizzled after we both realized we were just good companions and there wasn't much of a smitten feeling after all. But we still do dinner once in awhile catch up on life's happenings. We did have fun dates – dinner and movies of course, a picnic by the river where I brought way too much food for 10 people let alone just the two of us. I met his incredibly sweet Auntie's it was fun and I think we'll be good friends. I went on my first motorcycle ride and was a little scaredy cat. But in the end he's a pretty busy guy and we all know that I have a pretty full schedule… so after all was said – I'm back on the carnival pony – going round and round the dating wheel, what's a girl gotta do to get some cotton candy. No innuendo intended. Ha-ha.
Alexander - we met and watched fireworks awhile back - nice guy, excellent texter, we'll be buddies if either of us is bored here in A-town. He was little too tall – I know who am I to complain about height but he had a nice smile and was very patriotic in his dress as this was circa the 4th of July. He did make me embarrass myself by playing the piano for him – What doesn't you city have a community piano traveling through fireworks? Thaddeus - a little shy but yet to be determined, we went for lunch at the Texas Road House. God, I love the butter they have there. If I could package the butter that they use in a candy bar form – I'd be 9000 lbs – but damn it's really that good. Now Thaddy was super nice – maybe a little shy over lunch – a bigger guy that should be more confident and own his body – Nice guy – we're online buddies now – and I wish him well with his recent exploits with his lady friend! Jenson - we met for coffee and cribbage --I over caffeinated myself... per usual - had a lot in common and some voodoo jinxing going on, I'm interested so we will see what happens. We met again – for an early bird dinner – man this guy likes coffee a lot – he had it with dinner! Dinner = Diet Coke, but don't worry I'm not putting him on the do not call list just yet. After dinner we went and had coffee and played cribbage – I skunked him and I got to gloat --- I love to win – that is until he kicked my butt the next game. He's an excellent hugger – none of that half hug bull crap, but a good solid hug. We went out again the following day --- more food, more coffee, more cribbage --- I think we might need to do something else next time – but we have fun talking about his screen play and I keep bring up clichés and other possible twists and thinks I'm a little zany and he doesn't mind telling me I'm being a wackadoo – but you know me I can't stop once I start! The defect you ask --- well he's only in Minnesota part time – he just bought a house in a neighboring state and his folks are here – so he's here but he's not here… and so I'm not as interested as I might be if he were here permanently.
A couple dates that never were since the above entries are little blando…
Well there is this guy on my yahoo messenger list we can call him Waldo. He's very attractive --- and he seemed normal enough for me to give him my screen name – but every time we talked online he wanted me to call him or he wanted me to watch his web cam and show me pictures of his treasure trail… and personally I like to find Lucky Charms in person – you know? Makes the marshmallow goodness – well… better. Girls like surprises remember. Soo he's an online perv – and I don't give online pervs the time of day.
Speaking of online pervs – on one of the dating sites I started emailing and chatting with this fantastic guy – but he is far far away in land with out grass – (wasn't that a dramatic way of eluding to Arizona? Pretty clever eh? Ok I'll stop now. ) His profile made me dry heave with laughter – those who know the dry heave – know – that it my laugh with no sound --- that gets worse and worse by the moment. And he's a little frisky but not in the you are a psycho kind of way – he's flirtations are most endearing and I wish him happy well thoughts as he tries to find someone who is remotely interested in him or his tongue ring. Ha-ha.
I normally have a distance requirement of 50 miles – 100 tops and that's if I'm being particularly generous with requirements that day… you know just to see what's out there. But alas – I follow good online dating Karma get a message --- respond to message, the only ones I don't respond to are the way to olds. Because you never know when you'll be bored online with insomnia – not that I have that problem, but it's good to have a solution in mind for every problem.
So I'll do a run through of a couple more online buddies that didn't make the date.
There was Ned, Ned didn't make the date for various reasons --- first off he was a little on the old side, He was 37 again – and must I remind you what happened with the last 37 year old (think anime convention guy) He was separated… now I'm not a big fan of divorced --- I could probably date a guy that's been divorced – well I know I can since the last boyfriend I had was divorced. But still "officially" married – not going to happen – for several reasons. At first he was normal --- small talk, interests, dislikes, amusingness… you know being silly and dealing with my randomness… But then --- he was sending me emails like "Where are you" Why aren't you writing back – creepy. So I sent him a note saying that I met someone and I needed to see if it was going anywhere. We haven't talked much since then. But he was way clingy – and kept reminding me of his phone number in every email. Yes, I got it, No, I'm not calling.
Then there was Owen, he's a nice guy – he lives a little out of the way for anything serious to happen – and he confessed to me that he's pretty inexperienced in the ways of dating --- He's a nice guy and we chat online but I knew if we went out on a date it would have been awkward.
Ok so back to the real live dates:
So I met this guy online, he's funny and odd -- he has the same name as one of my cats… this should have swayed me away – but it didn't we'll call him Max by the way.
I think the problem was we talked to long online – we both had expectations and I think it's fair to say we both felt a little disappointed when there wasn't the real life connection. First impressions – he looked like his picture – which is a little odd since he kept trying to convince me and everyone else on this particular dating website, that he looked better than his picture… but alas he looked like his picture – maybe a couple pounds lighter – but the same. His voice was a soft and higher voice than I prefer, but he wasn't a Kermit the frog or a cooking monster voice – but it was a noticeable first impression. Dinner was pleasant – his mode of transportation however was something to be desired, it was an older truck --- very loud, had some problems with ohhh I don't know everything, the speedometer, the fuel gauge, the windshield wiper was stuck in the upright position, no a/c, no radio, only my window worked. The windows were icky with dog slobber, the whole thing was an icky experience. Oh did I forget that the Reverse function was lacking --- How can you have a vehicle that you can't totally depend on being able to back up?
So before we met at his place to go to dinner he made the request that we dress up --- so I dressed up, black pants, cute shirt, heels – He wore a fricking polo shirt – now I have nothing against polo shirts – but seriously, it does not fit into the category of dressing up. So after dinner we went back to his place --- for a costume change before going out for drinks --- ok fine – get dressed up, get casual, what's next the swimsuit competition? So we went out for a couple of beers – and I think at that point it was evident that it was purely platonic.
A date with Xavier, we went to my favorite all time first date place to eat. Red Robin. I love that place – because I know – I will not be disappointed with the food – I'm comfy there knowing that the Bonsai burger is only moments away from my mouth. OK I just really like the Plymouth Red Robin and yes --- If the place is up to me – it's going to be Red Robin. So he let me pick – I picked Red Robin – aside from it being a hearty burger for my belly --- it is also reasonable in price, the service is excellent, the bathrooms are clean and it's close to where I work so I know how long I can go wander around Target and still make it there to meet at the designated time.
So originally we were only going to meet for drinks --- but then he was interested in food – (thank god) so we had a drink before hand and then din din. Conversation was good – he's better looking than in his pictures. We didn't have any pregnant conversations (you know those awkward silence moments) He wasn't completely grossed out with my having bonsai goodness in my braces – he actually commented that he wouldn't look and then gave me this endeared look. It was sweet. Anyways – now you know another one of my secret tests--- ickiness in the braces is going to happen might as well happen on the first date, that way I can weed out those with squeamish stomachs. We have another date planned for next week.
A date with Charles. This guy is hilarious – I don't know why I agreed to go to McDonald's on a first date but alas --- we agreed McDonald's. He even sent me a map of the McDonald's location he selected – since I couldn't pin point the nearest location of the most attractive water tower in ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Maple Grove. So I take the longest most convoluted way to get to said McDonalds – and I'm still at least 30 minutes early so I send a little text message to let him know I'm there – and helllloooo hungry – cause there is no way quicker to win me over than with at least one big mac sandwich, (if you want to know how many I prefer to eat you'll just have to message me some secrets aren't meant for the general public. ) Sweetness and personality only get you so far --- it's the sesame seed bun which speaks volumes. Ok minor exaggeration - but I love McDonalds more than the average anyone. (But I've been a good girl and limited my McD's trips to once a month – but there was a time in life where it was an every 3rd day event --- granted my other options included pizza and ramen ha-ha, mmm college student diet… don't miss that) Onward! So I'm early --- he calls – saying that he had to go home to change… can you believe this guy – what is it with men and their outfits!
Sheesh – ok – he says he'll be there in 20 minutes… Ok I go over to Walgreen's and walk around a little bit – get some lifesavers and some other boring items not worth the mentioning.
Chucky calls and he's gotten himself a little lost--- oh great. Didn't he send me the map? Ok so he gets on the road that he's supposed to be on – tells me he's on his way. We greet outside – and wave – and head inside for the fast food goodness. I order the much anticipated number one! Ask him if it'll be together or separate --- the kiddo behind the counter is very confused – not sure if was confused in general, or at the sudden burst of laughter – as it went Chucky sprung for dinner. But the clerk had to put our orders in separately – I told you he was confused!--- which turns out is ok, I mean just cause I'm out on a date with someone does not mean I want to share my McDonald's tray. I go off to get my diet coke and a surplus of napkins and ketchup --- Charles is waiting for his nugget meal to appear out of thin air.
At this point in time I am accosted by a very talkative older man who is sporting his McDonald's uniform with pride, he proceeds to tell me all about his medical ailments and procedure and I nod and say sorry to hear about that trying not to be rude, but not overly interested and he's just an old guy looking for someone to talk about his life. I'm ok with this – but now Charles has selected a table and the guy is still telling me about his leg and the x-rays. I tell him to take care of himself and that it's unfortunate. Chucky comes back from getting his soda-pop-carbonated beverage. It was a nice dinner conversation – no need to censor – some people I tone down the Kristenisms and oddities… but it was stated that we were both going to be ourselves and not the zombie that we both despise.
Dinner went well – time for a movie – that is if we can find the movie theatre! I guess he didn't have a map for this one – cause now we were playing follow the leader and there are a couple of theatres in the area – but we wanted to see "Knocked Up" so I assume that it's in the cheapo theatre – which I've only seen once in passing through – but can't remember where exactly it is – so we drive around – and Mr. Not Sure Where the Hell it is - keeps running yellow lights so I have to run red lights… oops. And grrr. Ok so we drive around and find the regular theatre and then it is decided that we will have to find something there to watch… so we go and see the Bourne Ultimatum and it was pretty good – I've never giggle so much through a movie that was intended for giggling though.
The date was fun – I'd like to go out again so we'll see, then again I think he had an ulterior motive – he's been waiting for me to blog about the date and so voila here it is the blog on the date with Charles.
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