So I'm back swimming in the dating pool officially now and have a couple dates to report on.
The date with Jeff. Jeff is a nice guy, he's funny and smart. However he has been married before and has two kids. This is not a deal breaker - but it does complicate things.
We agreed to meet for dinner at one of my favorite "nostalgic things hanging on the wall" places.
There was a little problem however, there was a snow storm so It took Jeff a little longer to get ther than he origanally anticipated. He did however call and text location updates with pretty accurate ETAs.
Conversation went well, dinner was over and so we agreed to go have a cup of coffee and play cards. He had been bragging that he was a cribbage master and that he was going to kick my butt so I was looking forward to the challenge. His picture was a little inaccurate. He's balding, and has delicate looking hands and an odd shape about him. Think, average middle and skinny limbs.
So we the game begun. He didn't really know how to play. He's played before but we had to play in lesson format with me counting and showing him how to peg and in the end I obviously won.
We finished a couple games. And decided we should part ways. We hugged. He called to make sure I made it home okay and we ended up talking for a couple hours on the phone.
So it didn't work out with Jeff romantically but we continue to be facebook friends.
A date with Matt, we exchanged a couple emails and decided it was time to meet. We met for drinks - and that led to dinner. We had plenty of things to talk about and he is very attractive and smart and funny, manly hands. I even broke the usual Kristen rule and we went dutch. I normally think going dutch is tacky but somehow it was normal. Things went well at the end of the date. Our 2nd is tentativly scheduled for Friday night.
A date with a different Matt. He's from a small town in Iowa. So we met in St.Peter, MN for lunch. We had been talking for quite sometime - and somepeople are just better online or on the the phone vs. in person.
We met at this dive place, which I like and all he could do was complain, complain complain. Ok so it's not a fancy place - calm down and have fun. He looks - well he was wearing a crappy walmart sweater - and jeans and looked very Iowaesque. He was both trying to be cocky and know-it-all and at the same time came off as really insecure. His table manners were attrocious. Conversation was forced and I was pretty certain that he was a douche bag in the forst 20 minutes of meeting him in person. So I was ready to leave after that but the Minnesota girl in me is too nice to say so. So we went to this coffee place to play trivia pursuit and that was equally unenjoyable. I taught him how to play cribbage and then I was done. But he wanted to continue on with the date. Ok there is nothing to do in St. Peter after 4 pm so we went to the very sophisticated Makato... to go to a movie.
We go to see InkHeart. I want to see the Clint Eastwood movie but I don't want it to be ruined by going with this guy so I pick the movie I know nothing about and fits into the proper time slot. We walk around the mall for a little bit then go to the movie.
In the theatre, I was taking off my coat and getting as comfortable as I can get - when I must have shifted in my seat -- Matt then took this as I want his arm around me. In addition to his unwelcome arm around me - he is also clamping on my shoulder, super grip style. Grr. After sometime - I decide that I need to remove his arm from my body and be a big girl and hold his hand. He plays with my hand. Like a 10 year old holding his first girlfriends hand. All the tracing of my fingers and then kissing my hand. PS. He has delicate woman hands so I'm grossed out more than you know at this point. So I say, my arm has fallen asleep. I pull it away and shift away from him. He puts his arm around me and clamps down pulling my toward him. "Come over here" is what he says- He then asks "So you like me huh?" Um hell no. But the nice girl that I am says a shy maybe afraid he will go psycho. Now he's pulling my into his chest and I"m awkwardly cramped and have the arm redt digging into my ribs - but it would have been bad form to get up and switch seats.
The movie was ok - should of been a rental. We leave the theatre go to the bathroom so I can have cold wet hands and deter him from any hand holding. He drops me off at my sisters place and gets out of the car and hugs me good night -- it's not a normal hug as he did not compensate for my height -I was basically face first into his chest. Did I mention that he smelled like my brother - and looked like my friend Geoff from highschool. Alas - nothing but this good blog entry came out of the date with Matt from Iowa.
A date with Jim. Jim and I met at a metro midpoint between our offices and homes. We had great conversation and laughed a lot over a great burger and coke. Finished eachothers sentences etc. We have our 2nd date scheduled for this week. He has nice hands too.
So I'll say it. I have a crush on someone & I feel like a school girl for more than one reason. I met Stanley (not his real name) in Kindergarten and we went to school together thru the 4th grade. Then, I went to public middle school instead of staying at the prochial school. We haven't crossed paths since we were 9.
Life passed, and then through the miracles of facebook he found me and we have since had several legenthy conversations online and we can ramble on for hours about serious and not so serious stuff. There are mutual flirtations and we're both single.
So what's the issue? Well we are both recently single - and going through our own break up routines. We're both a little cautious about meeting in person even though we used to play on the same playground 20 years ago. So right now I'm just hopeful that Stan and I can be fantastic friends and after awhile maybe we entertain the idea of dinner date and see what happens. Yes, full blown crush mode.
So I was completely blindsighted last night when Dave had me over to talk.
He didn't really have a reason and couldn't tell me what went wrong other than it's him and not me. That he thinks I'm great and wonderful and that he loves me - but his heart isn't all in it. Then as the evening progressed, he wants to take a break and then talk again in a 2 weeks.
Maybe to see if I'm the root of his unhappiness. Maybe to weigh out bachelorhood vs. commited relationship, Who knows?
WTF.
Where did this come from, I don't know.
I'm sad and hurt and confused because I love him.
My whole take on it is - he either loves me and is scared about the intensity of love or he just doesn't or can't love me.
My good friend Ava is going to start dating again. She's had a couple hummdinger relationships and pseduo relationships were the friend card has been played in the most inoppertune time and now she is ready to at least entertain the idea of dating.
She's signed up on match.com -- my personal website hero. Not only did it provide a long tangent about dating that was orginally 3 posts but now just down to one, it brought Dave and I together -- (Dave = Xavier)
http://nerdygirlramblings.blogspot.com/2008/02/dating-diary.html
Some probably cliched words of wisdom for Ava:
Less is more in a profile. If he didn't write his whole life story that's okay, as long as his profile gives you a peak into his life and you can see or anticipate that he is a good person.
Less is not more in a person. If he's not a good person,if what he's saying is over the top and your internal lie detector goes off, or if he doesn't pay for the first date - that's a red flag, he is going on a date and going out on a date with you should be a priveledge, if he doesn't offer to do one gentlemanly thing like hold a door or bless you if you sneeze, or use proper table manners -- then don't think that he is trainable in this fashion. Yes, he might forget somethings as he will probably be distracted by your beauty. Men are simple that way -- cleavage and pretty hair is great at enducing extra nervousness. Both parties should be on best date behavior.
Smiles are important -- if your not smiling this is not a good sign, if he's not smiling -- and his jaw isn't wired shut-- this is also not a good sign.
Laughing is important -- if you don't laugh by at least the 2nd date with someone -- they just won't be funny enough for you.
Smarts are important -- if he doesn't have anything smart to say or he has difficulties figuring out how much to tip -- he's not ready to date an Ava.
Go in to each date with little or no expectations. Go on dates you think could possibly be disappointing, I didn't want to go on the original date with Dave, I thought he was just another guy, looking for a good time, not a good girl.
Be friends first, I know this is sounds lame -- but you have series of brief windows --
Window One: Stangers meeting in a public place for food and the promise of maybe meeting someone interesting, intriguing and or fantabulous.
Window Two: Accquaintences: This takes over after the first half hour. You placed a real life face with online profile.
Window Three: Friends: You have to be able to talk about things you would talk about with friends -- open yourself up
Now this is crucial stage -- it's either going to stay in friend zone or it going to go over into
Window Four: Possibility: This can also be labeled, attraction, crush, lust, infactuation etc. This is the dating window.
So good luck with your windows.
Now, after you have viewed several profiles -- you are bound to get a bizzilion messages -- you're guy instinct should tell you whether or not the Goober writing you is a good goober or bad a goober.
Don't exchange too many emails/ims etc. Talk on the phone instead. The emails and ims and texts only build up the expectations to much. Most people can't be fake on the phone, they can be corny or unwitty or have freudian slips -- but they don't have the time to edit thoughts like typing provides.
Example one: Nate -- I started chatting with Nate circa March 2006, we would chat every night and we would be fun and flirty and serious and I had this whole idea that we would be a fanastic couple, but he lived in Rochester. We went out on two dates. And it was decided that we should just be friends. And we are, to this day -- we don't talk on a daily basis like we did before -- but we do talk and are good friends.
Example two Nick -- We exchanged instead of IMs or Texts -- the longest emails I have ever written/ read in my life. We had one date -- all went well and then boom he was moving back to CT for brief rest before going on an adventure over seas for a new job.
So keep things brief let talking and going on dates be the means for learning about one another.
Good Luck, be safe, have fun.
