WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
Barack Obama: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
John McCain: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
Hillary Clinton: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure - right from Day one - that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
George W. Bush: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
Dick Cheney: Where's my gun?
Colin Powell: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
John Kerry: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chickens intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
Al Sharpton: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens!
Dr. Phil: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
Oprah: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of us chickens.
Nancy Grace: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
Pat Buchanan: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
Ernest Hemingway: To die in the rain, alone.
Jerry Falwell: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side'. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
Grandpa: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
Barbara Walters: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious scare of moulting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
Colonel Sanders: Did I miss one???
Labels: forwards
So my grandma is 84 -- she's pretty hip though -- she has a little email device to stay in touch with everyone. And she loves forwards!
Today's forward, was pretty good - I hadn't seen it before -- but then again I don't really read them much - and I read hers in case she added a little note.
Garfiel on the Oil Crisis
A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country.
Well, there's a very simple answer.
~~~ Nobody bothered to check the oil.
~~~ We just didn't know we were getting low.
~~~ The reason for that is purely geographical.
~~~ Our OIL is located in
~~~ Alaska
~~~ California
~~~ Coastal Florida
~~~ Coastal Louisiana
~~~ Kansas
~~~ Oklahoma
~~~ Pennsylvania and Texas
~~~ Our DIPSTICKS are located in Washington , DC!!! Any Questions??? NO? Didn't think So.
I found this on my friend Sadie's blog -- I thought it was cute and adorable so voila--
By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher.
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement. "Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh, oh!' " Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.
"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man.
They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall. "And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all! of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said it was from Mom's play-center!, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.
Labels: forwards
