Sooo I can't spell that well, I love spell check -- but I have an issue.
Sometimes I have to apologize to customers -- and so I'll send them the email -- and I'll type --
inconvinence : incontinence comes up as the best guess at what I'm trying to spell.
I'm sorry you can't hold your bladder or bowels but here is the copy you requested...
I'm sure there are others -- that are bad -- but this is probably the worst one I can think of off hand.
So I live in Minnesota --- you are almost required by law to keep an abundance of crap in your trunk -- I have taken it to the next level and treat my little trunk like a traveling garage/closet/entertainment center.
If opened today you would find a plethora of crap that probably has not been used in ages:
- crochet hooks -- just in case I feel like making an afghan while commuting. Oh crap I missed a stich and my exit!
- books -- some half read -- some waiting to be read -- some never to be looked at again.
- camping chair - now this came in handy when we recently had RSC fun days and I didn't want to sit in the dirt/grass for fear of icky bugs -- but other than that -- it has just been taking up space.
- jumper cables -- for winter fun.
- windex and paper towels -- in case I need to clean something? Actually the towels did come in handy when I was out for the 4th of july - eating pizza by the river and we neglected to get napkins -- plus I had enough for Kenz& Si and Deann&Doug
- random clothes with stains
- socks -- you can never underestimate the power of fresh socks.
- shoes- flip flops - high heals- boots - tennis shoes - etc.
- deoderant -- that by today's heat is probably liquified.
- butterscotch candies and cinnamon disks -- just in case I'm stranded by the side of the road -- I know I'll have something to suck on besides my thumb.
- empty water bottles, diet coke cans, shoe boxes, yarn wrappers
- spare pillow and blanket -- in case i'm stuck sleeping somewhere where I need a blanket and pillow -- I don't want to have a Greenbay moment happen where I have to resort to covering up with a towel.
- my overnight bag -- this moves in and out as needed -- but I'm a boyscout with it -- I'm always prepared.
- yarn
- empty kleenex boxes
- a roll of toilet paper
- soap -- just in case I have to shower on the side of the road before i'm rescued. (actually they are really pretty soaps that I bought for myself for my birthday- but then never brought them in the house...
- cribbage board -- deck of cards
- another deck of cards -- that is missing some
- spare tire
- window washer fluid
- car manual
- bag of crap -- I don't even want to peak in there.
So -- I've spent too much time on here today --
and I don't want to lose my train of thought (hahah)
So this is a brief "to blog list" is for me to try and get to this week sometime.
- The crap in my trunk
- Garage Sales and junk I buy because it's a good deal
- Spell Checks bad suggestions
- Phone voice punishment...
- Bird Feeder Goodness
- Old Wives Tales -- I have the hiccups right this minute...
- The wonderful world of the bathroom
- The dumbest thing I've said today, and heard today...
- XYZ's Fun Day festivities
- Google: I love you, look what I found
- Fears of toilet paper
- more on the grieving process
- cats are people too
- my inability to tolerate infedity
- not so graceful moments
- political campaign, no it's a commercial for a kia...
I love JCP for the fact they have catalogs -- sometimes -- I'm feeling extra retro and don't like to order things online -- I'd rather flip through the catalog -- and then decided to check online to see if it's on sale. I have a pention for doing the roundabout way of doing things.
Well I found this blog by a gentleman JV -- he's hysterical - anyways -- you must click below:
http://15minutelunch.blogspot.com/2007/10/strap-in-shut-up-and-hold-on-were-going.html
I didn't find any of those items online -- gosh darnit, it'd be great if they had made a catalog like this for halloween-- I'm sure some of those items are stashed away in a warehouse. Imagine if you will the Smithsonian of JCP. I'm sure it would be a great Halloween outfitter -way more comfortable than the little red riding outfit i've been wearing for the past 2 years -- and this year -- it was so tight that it cut the circulation off --
It was a cold October evening -- I was dressed in my little red riding ho outfit looking very cute and whorish. It was halloween season - it's allowed! (it wasn't halloween proper - but the weekend before) I had on red tights and then fishnets over them & because I'm modest and a good girl a heart and then I had black spanks on over the fishnet/red tight combo. Well, I'm convinced that I was one more control top layer away from losing the capacity to walk. Yes, at this point I am completely sober.
I was getting ready to leave, felt a little dizzy, hadn't been drinking for hours -- just apple juice -- so I get out to my car. The house is off of 81 -- so a fairly busy road, but it's on a service road so it's away from the cars. A couple is outside drinking. I feel ill.
That's it -- I've got to pee -- I go back in - pee and leave.
I get out to my car still not feeling just right... I decided to take off my spanks, fishnets and tights, I luckly was able to peal them off in one fell swoop and a little "got getta the nylons off dance." I've got some hot pink hanes her ways on, and it's dark. More people come outside, I'm still in my little dress, still feel like crap -- maybe I'm alergic to apple juice, nah.
Well, I can't very well drive home in my underwear and bra -- it is October -- I'll be cold, even if I'm having hot flashes right now! There are people over there --- drunk, and although I'll never see them again -- except the ones I work with... I can't very well get undressed right here? Or can I? ...What do I have in my trunk? At this point I'm now dizzy and sweating and starting hear bells -- it must be this corset contraption on my little red riding hood outfit. I pop open my trunk to see a wonderful thing -- a pair of butt ugly teal fleece pajama pants I was giving my sister for christmas -- we have this ugly pajama thing we do at Christmas. Anyways -- The trunk is open, I'm hiding behind it and I can't see anyone -- Oh did I forget to tell you that a large marjority of Wowseo's police force is attending this party as they are my friend's friend's brother's friends? So here I am -- In a driveway -- off of a busy road -- getting dizzy -- putting on teal fleece pajama pants under my riding hood outfit -- Still not helping with the corsetesque bodice now making me lightheaded ... and sweating through my deoderant... I need a shirt -- I found one -- it's none other than my hair cut shirt. It's a gray tee shirt -- with a girl sitting on a stool cutting her dolls hair - the shirt must have been a factory reject becaue it's got some stitching on the collar bone -- and near the belly button region and it's came like that -- where did I find such a treasure? Oh Walgreens of course. It's a little girls shirt -- and is a little too small but it's got to be better than this dress.
I swiftly try to remove my dress but it's a little stuck... sucking in -- pulling the zipper down -- Ah! Freedom! Oh crap -- I didn't wear a bra with my dress--- oopps. I totally forgot about that -- ok shirt on quick. Shirt is on -- sort of -- but it must have been awhile since I've worn this shirt since I can't really move my arms in it. What else do I have -- I'm now completly sweat infected from hair and toes -- maybe my blood sugar dropped, who really knows? Voila --
amongst the 20 pairs of shoes, extra pillow and blanket, 2 winter coats, cd cases, books, bag of yarn - windex, lint roller, boggle, and of course a camping chair that's been there since July - I find it -- its a plain white shirt that has a mystery spill on the front of it -- I'll take it - it's large enough to move my arms and sit comfortably for the 20 minute drive home - I do the gym school trick remove the hair cut shirt and finally get in the car to go -- but I'm still feeling a little icky so I drink a sprite that I had in my car waiting for me -- knowing that I aways get thirsty when driving. Sprite opened -- I"m on my way. But now I can smell the shirt I am wearing -- God only knows how long it's been in my trunk -- it's truly grossing me out. But I think happy smells and finally arrive home to put on real pajamas -- a comfy thermal shirt and realax as I suffer the result of too much apple juice, by running to the bathroom.
Lesson learned: Don't wear clothes that don't fit, always keep a back up pair of pants shirt in your trunk, don't drink apple juice in large quantities if you know it gives you the trots, I should of had a slim fast - then I probably could have avoided this all together.
