So Dave and I were invited to a bbq this weekend -- and we went. My friend Heather just had twins this fall and I haven't been out to see them. And my other friend Josie and her husband have 3 children. So it was a bring your meat and something to share type poot luck bbq extravaganza. We were fashionably late -- which was fine. We chatted and visited out on the deck -- at dinner. I held babies -- it was fun. After a couple hours though - of holding babies and playing with toddlers and a 7 year old ... it was time - time to go. Dave and I had a movie to catch.
On the way to the movie we discussed babies -- and we are both a o k with not being parents at the present time. Then we discussed the possibility of a pet. I suggested a cat -- cause I love kitties! But that was quickly veto'd as Dave has allergies and a dislike of cats. So ok a dog -- but a cute one. I like jack russel terriers and Enzo dogs -- not sure exactly what an Enzo dog is... but it's a dog like the one we dog sit. He's like a lab -- and some "duck fetching" brand -- but technically he's a mut -- but I love him -- and I'm not a huge dog person. I also like german shepperds and springer spaniels -- they were my childhood dogs -- and he is alergic -- so we are talking about dogs with less shedding -- and he likes bulldogs... thinks they are adorable. I think they drool to much -- but maybe he likes that? Maybe I should drool on his pillow more... oh wait I already do that.
I found this on my friend Sadie's blog -- I thought it was cute and adorable so voila--
By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher.
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement. "Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh, oh!' " Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.
"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man.
They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall. "And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all! of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said it was from Mom's play-center!, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.
So it was time to update the undies drawer -- cause I'm being honest - most of my other ones didn't fit -- or were creepie crawly underwear that wouldn't stay put -- or had too many run in's with aunt flo. Anyways -- it was time, and now that I am passed the point in my life -- where I need fancy undies -- I have resorted to buying -- packaged underwear, yes that's right -- bag o panties from hanes or fruit of the loom -- i prefer hanes -- but yeah -- my lameness is growing by the minute.
Granted I still wear -- my pretties that fit for when I'm spending the night with dave -- but half the time he doesn't even notice that they are -- lacy or crotchless or adorable -- they just get tossed on the floor in his ability to get undress me in 2 seconds flat -- (he might have been a magician in his past life) And when I leave for work in the morning -- I'm wearing something cotton -- usually black or some solid color -- or white if I'm wearing see through pants -- but yes, they are 1 cut away from being the granny panty and I'm ok with that. Sick- sad and true since I once was such an underwear junkie.
I've cut way back on my fast food outings -- for lunch I ususaly have some crackers and or a sandwhich -- and if I'm going out for lunch or dinner -- it's usually something sorta kinda healthy -- and not dripping in fast food grease. I hadn't had french fries in awhile -- and anyways -- I had a hankoring for the usuall -- a number 1 with an extra sandwhich -- this time the sandwhich ala extra -- was a cheesburger.
I ate my big mac first -- savoring the deliciousness of the experience. Holding off on the french fries -- because let's face it the big mac is the most important part of the mcdonalds goodness equation. Then I started the cheeseburger -- and ate some fries --- drank my diet coke. viola -- all gone.
An hour after though -- I have stomach pains -- without getting to graphic--- you know me this is hard not to be graphic- - but I have the worst gas pains I've ever had ---and I feel my insides being coated with the now unfamilliar grease. PFft. some minor flatulence. still painfull -- now heart burn is setting in-- uggg. I'm in a state of uncomfortableness --- I just want to lay down and sleep it off -- but I was at work -- and training someone in to boot... -- it wasn't until 8 pm that I finally felt some relief, so -- that might be my last McDonald's trip for awhile --- I might test the waters in a couple months, but even now with almost a week since -- I am not thinking fond thoughts of my Big Mac indulgence.
