hula hoops and hampster wheels

So It's coming up on two weeks and I'm amazed at how much time has passed - and how different things are now.


Denial, numbness, and shock: SO I found out over the phone - my legs collapsed and I ended up kneeling on concrete and crying until Dave scooped me up and held me -- then I went through this whole thing once I got home and my mom told me exactly what happened.


Bargaining: In this stage I wasn't bargaining with anyone -- I was more conscened with things that will never be -- and upset about a recent fight we had over something so trival.

Depression: Sleep and appetite disturbance, lack of energy and concentration, and crying spells are some typical symptoms. My family and friends helped me through this -- and I'm back to eating all the crap I used to eat -- I still cry now and again - and that's ok - and I'm sleeping hard and through the night.

Anger
I got angry -- and now I'm not angry.

Acceptance
I'm there - but I'm sure Ill back track from time to time - especially on holidays, when we inter the ashes and on special days.

Dear Dad,

I never got the chance to thank you for all you did. From the simple things like laundry -- or checking the air in my tires.
In all things you taught me, in all the everyday funny moments, in the comfort that you brought me whenever I was sad. I defending and caring for me if I was wronged or ill.
I can not adequately word how you shaped my life and I'll always remember you and your love.

Love,
Kristen

Dear Diary,

Weight: 146 -- ugh, the Dr. wants me at 106 - I'd be happy at 116-126
Drinks: 0 alcholic, 10 cans of diet coke...
Smoking: yes, but less -- quit day set for Friday
Today's Highlight: Not having the worst hair day in the last 2 decades
Today's Low Light: I have gas, really bad gas.
Time at the gym: 35 minutes
Excuse thought of to avoid said gym: NA, Miss Swessi had to make me go though...
Issues and Concerns: The weather forecast isn't favorable for the zoo date planned for this weekend.
Funny Moment of the Day: Me in sweatpants -- out in public is pretty funny, but getting on the eliptical machine and getting worn out on level one, was sad funny.
Mushy Lovey Dovey Moment: Dave encouraging and wishing me luck via text on the job I applied for yesterday, and as of now, no one else has applied.
Food Du Jour: Breakfast: diet coke, 5 twizzlers Mid Morning Snack: 1/2 king size bag of M&Ms, Lunch: Leann Chins -- chin dynasty: 1/2 peking chicken, 1/2 seasme chicken, vegetable fried rice, 2 cream puffs, regular cherry pepsi, fortune cookie, dinner: triple chocolate cake & diet coke
Avoiding: putting laundry away
Looking forward to: eating the chocolate cake -- don't worry I won't go Cake on y'all.

Dear Diary,

Weight: Too freightened to stand on the scale.
Drinks: 0 ( I guess I'm not a lush like Miss Bridget)
Cigerettes: 1/2 pack today -- naughty me
Diet du Jour: The extra healthy - King Size Butterfinger and King Size Caramello for breakfast -- the last of my stash of Gardetto Rye Chips for mid morning snack. M&M icecream treat for lunch -- dinner, venison steak, baked potato and 1.5 english muffins both oozing with butter. Too many diet cokes to remember.
Time at the Gym: 0 --
Logical reasoning for avoiding said gym: I need to buy sports bras tomorrow.
Highlight of the day: That caramello bar was really good.
Lowlight of the day: Probably the worst hair day in the last 2 decades.
Issues and Concerns: Just applied for a new job at work
Wardrobe Malfunction: the cute little strap on my black shoes broke and my fat girl xl sweater shrunk in the wash and the buttons are busting at the well, they are all busting to break free.
Looking forward to: brushing my teeth with the new toothbrush and watching House MD