hula hoops and hampster wheels

I'll be the first to admit it -- I have some walls, I can be mushy and lovey and all that gooey junk, but I'm not exactly the vulnerable type.
I've always had some sort of guard up - the "I'm not going to let you in cause then you can hurt me later on, and then I'll want to hurt you, and I'm not that physically endowed to beat you to a bloody pulp and I just might hurt myself more in the process.." You know that one? Yeah, it's been an ol' stand by... Until now, I'm at this utmost vulnerable state -- and I'm 2/3 a.o.k with it and 1/3 scared. But, for the first time ever it's worth being scared, and I better stop now before I turn into a complete goober -- but yeah, I'm 2/3 sure I'm already gooberfied, and 1/3 scared of making you barf. So, I'll pause and post with out being extra goobery.

Granted, I hate being the last to know- but sometimes it's hard to be in the loop and not be able to say anything.

For example, someone at work- who is a temp, had his last day yesterday --- but he was in the dark as the temp agency was going to inform him after 5. I knew because one of my good friends is taking over his region and I was to train her on Texas lien law and give her the scoop on the area she will be moving into on Monday. Now, I understand that temps are different that regular employees -- but he's been temping here since September. He just had a couple issues with getting to work on time... and taking extra long lunches... and other issues.

I also know that someone else is considering putting in their notice --- but as nothing is official - I don't know anything.

Just like I don't know that someone else is having an extra marital affair(s) and someone else is interested in becoming a swinger, that someone else is gay and that someone else is a dirty old man. Someone else likes pain during sex. See these are the things I may or may not know to protect the innocent some features have been altercated.

So I went out shopping today and I hate fashion. I'm pretty classic in my wardrobe - and I wanted some cute tops for spring. I was set and on a mission to find a couple shirts for work and play and came home with pudding pops and sno-balls from the grocery store after I was disappointed with the options out there.



Part of my problem is my own damn fault for gaining some winter weight, and not being able to fit in my clothes. Alas -- I broke down and bought some pants this week that I could actually button instead of using a safety pin to clothes them up.

My next problem is -- being classified as petite by my lack of vertical ability -- puts me in the petite section -- now, I'm not sure if you've ever looked in the petite section - but the shirts are all stuff my grandma would wear, and good thing for her since she's 4-11 too. But it doesn't matter if I'm at macy's, sears, jcp, herbergers, kohl's anywhere - where they have defined sections for general body types - the petite section will do me absolutely no good.

I'm not looking for trendy things -- I'm talking regular -- normal things like cotton/spandex button shirts, cable sweaters, ribbed sweaters, nice shirts appropriate for work -- a nice hearty cardigan that will keep me warm under the tundra-like air conditioning vent about my desk, I'm finding tons of pure polyester or silk shirts that don't represent the classic - boring 2o/30 something look I'm going for, instead are representative of the 50/60 something going to church outfit, plus silk requires special washing attention and I'm not ready to trust anyone in this house to get it right, myself included.

So I've decided I have to look thoughout the whole women's section. And what do I find, everything I don't find flattering or atttractive... big bold prints, super form fitting, extra flouncy, horizontal stripes, camp shirts, nautical themes, teddy bear themes, polka dots that are too large to be flattering, cute dresses that will go past my ankles or show too much bosom for the office.

I'm at a loss -- I think I'll be investing in some polo shirts to get through this fashion crisis. I have been anti polo shirt for a longtime - with my hair being short I was afraid I'd look like a prepubescent boy -- but finally the hair is at a length where there would be no confusion, that and my boobs have also grown from the recent weight gain.

I'm back to drinking diet coke, it doesn't taste as good as it once does but it's getting better. In addition to drinking diet coke I've also incorporated crystal lite into my liquid consumption, that and a glass of wine with dinner -- I haven't ended up in the hospital yet, so maybe my sulfate tolerance is building -- cause I've also been eating raisins and dehydrated fruits. Fake healthiness is oozing from me!