hula hoops and hampster wheels

e-vacation

2009-09-26T21:46:00.003-05:00

I'm taking a vacation from the internet - world wide web-o-sphere and blogging. How rustic eh?

It's time to recharge and this means I'm going to unplug.

Life is more than blog posts, .coms and constant updates and time wasting internet games and quizzes.

I'll be back one day, just not in the near future.

Movie Review: Julie and Julia

2009-09-02T19:11:00.002-05:00

Julie and Julia

It was great. I saw it with my mom on Saturday afternoon. We had to pry ourselves away from the Ted Kennedy televised funeral and go to the local cinema. We made it just in time and it was a delightful movie.

I was probably the younster in the audience as the majority seemed to be 40 somethings and up - sisters and mother/daughter combos. But that's ok - I'd do anything for Meryl.

I liked the Julia side of the movie better but related more with the Julia side. Cubical commeraderie if you will.

My mom read the book and said the movie was way better - she didn't really like the book so I'll try reading it someday once I get through the stack of gotta read it first.

There are some other movies coming out that I'm excited about -

I want to rent The Time Travellers Wife.

I want to see Meryl next movie this year - geared for the mature audience "Complicated" i think that's title - or maybe it's "It's Complicated"

500 days of Summer

anyways if you don't make to see Julie and Julia - netflix it when it comes out - or tell your mom to netflix it.

Book Review

2009-08-16T18:36:00.003-05:00

So I'm in a book club - I don't really like the books in book club .

SO I read other books first and then at the last minute try to read the book assigned for book club - we've only had one meeting so not sure if book club will fail as there is only 4 of us and we all have different tastes in books .

Books to Read:

I finally finished my bathroom reader: Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress . It was good. Funny, relateable, honest, outlandish, optimistic, pesimistic real -- it's another one of those essay/humor/memoir books that I so happen to adore. I found it on clearance at a B&N so I'm sure other copies in other stores are lurking there as well - it was well worth the $4.95. I hope the writer continues to write more and I will then continue to read more - even if it's not on the bargain table.

it's august already

2009-08-15T12:57:00.002-05:00

Nothing really new to report- I'm sick of the heat but glad it hasn't been this way the whole summer.

I have nothingreally blog worthy or entertaining at the moment to discuss but alas a lame post to say that I am lame.

Movie Rentals

2009-06-10T18:31:00.007-05:00

Gran Torino:
If you didn't catch it in the theater - you should rent it. I saw it twice in the theater and my mom just bought it with her "mother's day gift card" from my brother- how thoughtful brother. *rolling eyes* but in any case it's a good movie.

It's funny - but then you kind of feel bad for laughing since it's so politically incorrect - but everyone has known some one that is similar to the charachter of Walt. So in any case I liked it -
This was also the first movie date Clint and I had. I cried.

Nights of Rodanthe:
Another Nicholas Sparks book made into a movie. Old Love lost. New Love found. Richard Gere and Diane Lane are great - it's a little slow and if you want a perfect happily ever after you shouldn't look here. I also cried.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button:
Slow movie. Interesting adaptation of the short story, clever special effects but a sad story. I didn't cry but got a teary eye. yes, only one eye. I think I'm becoming more and more of a sap.
Side note: During Up! I also cried.

New In Town:
Cute chick flick movie with exageratte Minnesota accents. Funny but I think it might have been better if the leads Zellweger and Connick Jr were replaced with differnt people. No suggestions really other than that - and no I didn't cry during this one.

Last Chance Harvey:
A quiet romantic comedy for an older generation. It's mostly conversations similar to to that of Before Sunset with Ethan Hawke. The story is good but It was a little longwinded but a sweet story of a couple of sad people. No tears on this one either.

Still on the list to rent:
Marley and Me - expecting to cry
Bolt
hmm i had more written down - where did I put my postit note!

the problem with talk radio

2009-05-30T10:20:00.002-05:00

Ok so I have this guilty pleasure of listening all day to talk radio (107.1 Minneapolis- living life out loud). But the defect of this happens that I'm not hearing any fancy new tunes so today I think I'll go on a quest to find some music to listen to. and quite possibly I might step into 2001 and get one of those mp3 player thingamagiggers. So yeah I'm a little slow on the uptake but believe me if tapes were still available I'd be all about the cassette tapes - but I reluctantly moved on to cds and now i just might be time to move on to the digital era. scary but true.

bad face day?

2009-05-07T21:42:00.002-05:00

I know you've probably heard of a bad hair day. Maybe a bad eyebrow day? Well today - I had a bad face day. Let me describe for you my issues,

1.

dark circles under my eyes: yes, this is an ongoing issue for me - since i turned the tender age of 10 really. It's genetic and I can't help it - but some days it looks like I beaten in some dark alley.

If I remember to smear on my VitaK before bed it's a little better but today was not that day.

2. pimples. I rarely get them but I've got three. One in the middle of my upper lip, one on my chin and one above my eyebrow. I tried a new cleanser recently and will discontinue use.

3. Dry patchy spots on my left side near my jaw bone

4. eyebrows - they were pretending to be centipede legs and wouldn't lay flat all day and no they are not in horrible shape I was waxed a week and a half ago... or was it a little longer - ok so I might have to remove a few strays but I'm not at the point where I need to wax them again.

5. the upper lip curse - this I know needs to be addressed - but due to the damn pimple I have dead center - I can't do anything with it but tweeze around it and I really don't feel like crying for an hour - getting half done and of course not as smooth and pretty as post wax (after the redness subsides that is)

So yes, I don't know if it's my horomones or if I slept funny but today was not a good face day for me. So now I'm off to get my beauty sleep. I hope to god it works since I see Clinton tomorrow.

losing a couple pounds

2009-05-07T21:31:00.002-05:00

So it might be that time in my life when I can't delusionally hope that 10-20 pounds will magically fall off. How did they get there. Well ok I admit it - I'm not the healthiest eater in the world,. I had a very strong addiction to king size kit kats for breakfast.

I've broken myself of that habit. But there are some things I will not sacrifice in the name of skinny jeans, like butter. I love my butter. I can eat buttered white bread (no, not toast- just bread) as a meal. I love the rich creamy goodness. I can pick out imposters with ease and I will not ever be a fan of anything but my sweet cream butter.

So since I won't give up butter or all chocolate - I've cut back the intake (minus of course this pms week from hell.) I tried drinking water - but I really need the bubbles - so maybe the next move is to bubble lightly flavored water.

I have cut back on McDonalds - this happened naturally I guess once my body hit the ripe old age of 27 I realized that McDonald's can only be consumed when in Rochester or LaCrosse or a once a year breakfast. The problem is probably eating out for date nights - it's not the easiest thing to do - but I have found a place that I will drag Clinton to - because it is both healthier and fun and you should check to see if you have one in your neighborhood. It's called Salad Creations. It's like subway for salads but has the one step up environment of a noodles or chipotle. I reacently had my first experience there and it was fun - and healthier than Arby's or at least more fiberous., Here's the link: http://www.saladcreations.net/

I'm just website woman today.

My new radio station

2009-05-07T21:23:00.002-05:00

So I was an avid listener of ks95 for a couple years. But the morning show gal - is a little too self righteous for me and always banging her bible -- not exactly something I want to hear about on my hour long commute to work - (no this is not delilah that was ranting about earlier.)

So now - thanks to Jacque at work I have made the switch to 107.1Fm - It's hillarious talk radio.
It's great - so great in fact that I encourage you to take a listen or check out the website at least. I know I already put up a website for today - but if you are reading this you really must have 5 minutes to click here: it's a link to the afternoon show - which is a little more lively. But the morning show is a married couple and also entertaining since they are in two different studios.

Clinton doesn't particularily like Laurie and Julia but that's ok - we can listed to his radio station when he is in the car - and I can have funny talk radio for my 10+ hours of driving to and from work a week.

All I needed was diet coke

2009-05-07T21:16:00.002-05:00

I don't know about you but sometimes I go into a store for 1 thing, usually under $20 - often under $10 and come out of said store spending over $40. Target is bad for this, so is any craft store.

The otherday I went to the grocery store to get : diet coke and a loaf of bread.

I came out with:
Diet Coke
Potato Chips
More Poato Chips
Vanilla Bean Icecream
Chocolate Fudge Sundae Icecream (yes, I know - I don't eat icecream - but I was craving it)
Loaf of bread
Chocolate frosted Cupcakes
White frosted cupcakes.
Gum
Candy bar

and $40.00 later I have satisfied all premenstural cravings.

Today was a little better - I was at work. I ate some heart healthy life cereal, some doritos were consumed to balance out the sweet of the cinnamon life and by lunch I was running a little low on diet coke - I luckilly made it out of the store for $12 - those chunky chips ahoy had my name on them - yes, two packages. Don't worry they are locked in my desk drawed for tomorrow.

I hate outsourcing call centers

2009-05-07T20:56:00.002-05:00

I really hate it when I have to call some customer service center's toll free number - get put on hold and told that there are high volume calls and they reconmend I call back during a different time. I've called at various hours -- and they all seem to be high volume time. Grr.

I am a patient and understanding person most of the time. I however do not like it when I sign up online for a service but I can not cancel said service by clicking online - noooooooooo instead I have to talk to some english speaking person from India. Who is going by the name Kim or Tom or Dorothy.

Today I went to cancel my netzero dial up service. This subscription was to be a one month deal and today was the last day of the month - I being a procrastinator of course put this off. I only subscibed to netzero while I waited for my mother's preferred earthlink download disk to come in the mail. I really don't care, dial-up is dial-up - my mom likes earthlink, I like earthlinks format better, but really nothing is wrong with netzero either. I call the number - attempt to cancel the service with Customer Service Representative Kim. Kim is rude and curt from the get go but makes three attempts to convince me to stay with Netzero. I realize this is her job - I politely decline and state I would just like to cancel the service. She places me on hold. I listen to some bad elevator music. She comes back on said that it has been cancelled. I then proceed to request that my card which was prematurely charged be refunded. Kimmy must have had a bad day because she hung up on me.

I call back. Pissed off at Netzero. I go through the whole high volume bullshit - crappy music - and then I talk to Tom. I request a manager to report of course that Kim has hung up on me, get my refund and be done with Netzero. Tom is courteous and sympathetic to Kim's failure. He agrees to process my refund of $9.95 but the refund transaction to my card will take 2 billing cycles to appear on my account. I repeat back to him - "It will take 60 days for the $9.95 to be returned to my account?" Yes. "Is there any way to expidite that?" I can forward it to my superior. Ok. Please do. He gives me the confirmation number. Asks if I still need to speak with his manager about Kimmy. I go on hold for the manager. I get to speak to Dorothy next. Get the refund expidited to 48 hours. Complain about Kim and Praise Tom. But still I'm irritated with Netzero. I really didn't give two lumps about the $9.95 and probably would have just let it slide if Kimmy wasn't so rude, but after she hung up on me I went into the very rare bitch mode that of course is all powerful. So now I have to wait til Monday or Tuesday - check my account to see that the refund has been processed. Blah blah blah. Grr.

Website Thursday

2009-05-07T20:40:00.002-05:00

So in the land of this world wide web I've found a fun website to share.

http://www.divinecaroline.com/

It's fun, informative, check it out.

Bookclub

2009-05-03T18:59:00.002-05:00

So my friend Mackenzie and I are starting a bookclub - and it has it's own blog woo hoo.

http://thesebooksarentforkids.blogspot.com/

Joy. Evil Evil Joy.

2009-04-18T09:32:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had that co-worker where you don't really know them - but you know that you don't like them.

There was said person working at XYZ let's call her Stomps. She is Stomps because she couldn't sit in her desk for more than 5 minutes, she lacked the ability to walk like a woman she Stomped around.

Well the Stomping has ceased. She is no longer there and it is Joy, evil evil Joy.

Also on a side note. I've mended the fence with Giggles. I don't have to like him - I can think he's annoying as all get out but he's not a horrible person - he's just socially unaware of his cubical surroundings and his ridiculous laugh. So bygones.

God = Cher?

2009-04-14T22:28:00.001-05:00

So tonight was a date night with Clinton. After our outing, I was driving home feeling like a goober - so I turned on the Lite Fm station. Delilah was ding her radio show. Some woman called in a requested a song that inspires. She gave her testimonial - now a prerequisite for having Delilah play a song for you.
It went something like this:
Caller:
My name is Melissa and I'm a mom of three kids and we want you to play a song for us. We are at a new stage in life and need something that inspires us! We are moving into a new house, my first house, I'm recently divorced, I just bought a new car and I'm also a foster mom. I love being a mom and my life is going really well right now, but I've been listening to your show and I left my husband since my marriage didn't sound as picturesque and happy and blissful as your sappy callers claimed it to be. But one day I hope to find the one. I deserve it. I'm a good person and great mom.

Delilah: Well it sounds like you need to inspire us with all the positive thing going on in your life.

Caller: Well I do get lonely listening to your show without that special someone to love.

Delilah: Well do you believe that there is something bigger than you and me out there - who loves you more than you love your children?

Caller: I'd like to think so. I believe God has a plan

Delilah: Well you know God loves you and do you believe he loves you more than you can possibly know?

Caller: I hope so. It's so hard to imagine.

Delilah: He does and he has a plan for you Melissa and for your children and you are on the road t greatness with the positive energy you have.

Caller: Thanks Delilah. I love God and will be patient for his plan.

Delilah: It's hard sometimes but while we wait for God's plan I have a song for you.

queue music:

Song Played: believe by Cher.

Moral of the Story - Divas are Deities?

Something a little more upbeat

2009-04-12T20:43:00.000-05:00

So after my last post being all somber and moderatly melodramatic - I think I need another post to bring back the smiles.
but I'm kind of at a loss right now for what to write. I know, normally you just can't shut me up and now I'm being quiet wtf?
So I will rant on about how stupid facebook applications waste too much of my time. Yes, that's right Sorority Life - addicting and stupid and yet - I am addicted to playing the games for virtual outfits. What is wrong with me?
I've also found this fun website for photos on the interweb - check it out sometime - http://vi.sualize.us/.

Happy Easter Headbutt!

On to making lemonade with life.

5-19-09

2009-04-12T19:55:00.000-05:00

So it's approaching. One year since my dad died. Grief is funny - it sneaks up on you once you think you're ok and reached some sort of acceptance, something pops into your head when you least expected. A year ago - I would have said I have a pretty healthy grieving process - I've lost grandparents and aunts and uncles and great aunts and great uncles and pets and friends and yet nothing really prepares you for losing a parent. I don't know if I'm doing it right - but I get up each day, put my pants on one leg at time and carry on - that's the plan anyway.

Everyone deals with the grasp on mortality a little different. The religious are convinced that the loved one is in heaven and safe and good. I don't really believe in the heaven/hell concept. But if there is one adage my Dad referred to was - although pessimistic and depressing, 'You start dying the day you are born' and the other classic one was 'After you die - you just die, you are put in the ground and become worm bait.' So someone asked me - knowing that my religious convictions are on that border line between non-existent and recovering if losing my dad has brought me back to Christianity. I think that quite the opposite has occurred. My dad was not a religious man - he believed what he wanted to believe and what that was I'll never know. But in the end -- we all die, Jesus will not save you from death or becoming worm bait. I guess the biggest thing that happened was the confirmation that it doesn't matter. You can believe in whatever you want - and pray as hard as you want but it doesn't change things that have or haven't happened - it can make you feel better and that can cause change - but you don't get to pray for an undo.

This may seem juvenile or selfish but I jealous when I think about things in life yet to come and how it'll be different without having my dad. Like today for instance - Clinton's dad was on the phone with his granddaughter talking about the Easter bunny coming and what she got in her basket. My dad would have been a good grandpa - a little cranky but good but I'll never really know. Or when I'm watching a chick flick movie and the bride and father have the father-daughter dance- not that I'm a big wedding person - but now I'll never have that option for the dorky dance. It's also weird to refer to everything as my mom's now - my mom's house, having Clinton meet my mom - instead of meet my parents. Or like today - I talked to my mom on the phone while at Clint's - and she said to say happy easter to everyone. So I said to Clint's mom - that my mom says Happy Easter. She then inquires oh well what are they doing? I don't know how to reply - So I just say that my mom and brother and sister are just hanging out making cake. It some how ends up sounding like my parents are divorced or I'm omitting my dad on purpose - but I just don't know what they know and I don't always feel like sharing for fear I'll start crying and being emotional girl. Then Clint who refers to his parent's as the folks - said 'I needed to get back to my folks' place for dinner' as we were leaving the brunch - so maybe he feels awkward too - or it was just a singular/plural slip up. Then there is the other obvious possibility and that is that I'm cranky and irritable and overly emotional due to having my period.

If you like...

2009-04-06T08:46:00.000-05:00

I'm thinking this will be a regular reoccuring post topic. Amazon does it - netflix does it - and now I will do it- I will give you suggestions based on your likes and dislikes. I will use amazon as my guide but filter out all the crap and try to offer selections that I have encountered and or read in conjunction with new to me titles.

We will start to day with if you like David Sedaris you will like the following:

Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress by Susan Jane Gilman (current bathroom read, super funny)

if you liked Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress you'd like:

I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies): True Tales of a Loudmouth Girl by Laurie Notaro

(also hillarious in the narrative/essay genre ) if you like I Love Everybody and other Atrocious Lies you'd like:

Why I'm Like This: True Stories (P.S.) by Cynthia Kaplan, as you can see todays theme is essay and funny/entertaining slightly autobiographical rantings. I love it when books read like blogs.

if you like Why I'm Like this you'd like:

Leave the Building Quickly: True Stories (P.S.) by Cynthia Kaplan this is the sequil to the aforementioned Cynthia Kaplan - I want this chick to come out with a new book.

and amazon says if you like Cynthia Kaplan you'd like:
I Was Told There'd Be Cake by Sloane Crosley ( it's on my to read stack but clint is currently holding the book hostage which is ok since I have a couple other books in the works at the moment.)

if you like I was told there'd be cake or Cynthia Kaplan you'd like

Running with Scissors: A Memoir by Augusten Burroughs , this was funny and gross and funny and disturbing...

if you like that you like this:

Possible Side Effects by Augusten Burroughs this one is also on the to read stack...

but I'm going to take a stab here and say if you like that you'll like this one:

My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands (Paperback)by Chelsea Handler

or the man version:

I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell by Tucker Max

and then onward:

I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence by Amy Sedaris

this looks good too:

Waiter Rant: Thanks for the Tip--Confessions of a Cynical Waiter (Hardcover)by Steve Dublanica Aka The Waiter

and that is this weeks installment of If you like this then you might like this

Feminist rant on tits and ass window clings

2009-04-06T08:02:00.000-05:00

Ok so I'm not a uber feminazi however the tits and ass window clings have got to go. Seriously, are you that much more manly in your big truck that is obviously overcompensating for your small Mr. Winky that you think you'll get all the girls if you have Barbie's silhouette posing with pointy boobies and windblown hair? And what about the Married women - can't you satisfy your husband enough so he doesn't need to display such juvinille red neck window clings?

Sheesh where am I? I guess it's a smidge better than the Get R Done window cling but not by much.

kids these days

2009-03-16T18:44:00.000-06:00

So yesterday while Clint and I were playing Sunday Scrabble at Caribou. There was this annoying 19 year girl who like really liked the like word like. Totally.

When will this teeny bop talk stop. I know the kids aren't watching Sweet Valley High anymore. Do they even realize what they are saying or is it a nervous twitch. I felt bad for her friend -
this girl didn't stop talking, didn't ask questions - just gave the play by play of her life for the last 5 months and said the word "like" about 5,000 with out exaggeration. I know I can talk a lot, I can dominate the conversation like nobody's business - I often interject with a off kiltered tangent- but I also can listen and let other people talk and have conversations versious a constant monologue about how I'm a psychology major but I don't like science like totally at all. And my roomates are so like totally awesome and like he's so like cute. Oh and by the like way like how are like you?

Another thing I don't get is speaking out loud in accronym. Do they even know the words or just the intended meaning? Perplexing.

Then I overheard something disturbing today. My co-worker who has a couple teenage girls was telling another co-worker about this new fad. It's call "I wanna be Rhianna" and so girls want their boyfriends to beat them up so they can show off the bruises. Pardon my acronymism but WTF? Domestic violence is now trendy? Sick and disturbing.

Why can't kids just be kids. Well it's because parent's spoil them to the point of boiling all of childhood out of them. They don't play, they don't imagine, they obviously FAIL at learning the proper usage of similie and metaphor. They probably think Metaphors are in the sky. They are given whatever they want because their parents want to make up for something that was lacking in their own childhood. This is a major diservice. I'm not saying that children should be neglected or have a hard life or be domestic slaves to the household. But parent's these days aren't doing them any favors by giving them what ever they want - cause then they come up with this crazy idea that they want bruises and abuse from their boyfriends so they can be more and more like the celebrities they idolize. Sick and wrong. The closest thing I can remember wanting to be like someone famous was a slap bracelet or hoop earrings. If any boyfriend gave me a bruise I'd slap him and leave him. Not ask for another cause Ashley has 3 bruises from her boyfriend.

Weekend ReCap

2009-03-15T18:03:00.000-06:00

So Saturday was a great adventure. 160 miles of metro highways, biways, county roads and getting lost. So my sense of direction has not improved. In any case it was good fun.

Saturday morning, I picked Clint up and we went to the very illustrious Pep Boys to purchase none other than some super head lights - they weren't the "brightest head lights in the free world" that the Pep Boys clerk suggested but they are nice n bright. Clinton did his super boyfriend duty by changing them in the Sports Authority parking lot. Gold Stars were given. Then we decided to go to the Mall of America- due to road construction we get lost, We decided to go there cause it's big and we had random things to find and it seemed logical to go to the biggest conglomorate of stores. On the detour of getting lost we passed exits for the following shopping places: Riverdale, Northtown, Southdale, Eden Prairie Shopping, Ridgedale, so basically everything except for Brookdale and Maplewood. We finally arrive at the Mall of Too Many People. We went, we shopped, we got peopled out and left. My objective of getting a new spring coat was achieved the other items - not so much.

Then we were hungry, I was also hot and smelly as I was wearing a sweater that was not condusive to the warmer temperatures. It was then decided, I needed deoderant and a shirt after we indulged ourselves at pf changs.

On the way to lunch- my sister called and I answered the phone. She wanted to know what I wanted for my birthday. I get off the phone, Clint and I eat lunch. My sister had texted me this bizzare message - I call to get the drama - when I shouldn't have.

Grr. My sister is looking for a job -understandable, but she doesn't have a car, and she thinks since my mom isn't using her car - due to the broken arm, that she should have it at school and to be able to run to an interview in Rochester, MN this week. I'm sorry she doesn't have a car - I know that this sucks especially when you are interviewing. But seriouslly how is my mom supposed to get the car to her - and then get home - oh I know, I am supposed to some how assist in this matter. The thing is my sister is thinking that my mom is being selfish. What? Really? Maybe she thinks that it is her car, and that perhaps she doesn't have to let someone - daughter or not have the said car that is hers - 100 miles away even though my mom can't exactly drive it at the moment. She starts being emotional and I am trying to digest so we disconnect politley of course. I call my mom - to get her version of the drama - and she didn't even know that Jessica wanted the car - and to top things off my good for nothing lazy brother - some how didn't have time to take my mom to the grocery store so she could have an hour out of the house that she has been for lack of a better word trapped in.

drama drama drama - all this gives me a headache.

Clint and I continue on our journey to pick up a couple items - when we are done it's almost 6 - so we head to the March Birthday Celebration at Kenzies. I get lost - I get turned around - I get lost again - then we realize we forgot to get the meat n cheese tray. We stop to get said meat and cheese tray- but it is scary and says Hormel on it and we are frightened into getting cheese and crackers and a fresh fruit tray. We head back to Kenzie's - I get lost again - and call Kenzie - only 4 blocks or so from her house - She laughs at me and finally we are there.

We had a good time with Apples to Apples and the three of us girls watched our rockstar love nuggets pretend to be musicians on the wii thing. It was a good fun night and Kenzie's cake was yummy.

We head back towards Anokaland Suburbia and Clint is now driving as I can not drive one more mile or I will self combust. We part ways I end up getting home and crashing.

Sunday we have plans to meet Ava and Joe for brunch in Uptown. We meet for lunch and eat food and talk and tell stories and I think we had a good time. Too bad we live more than 20 minutes from eachother because I think the 4 of us would have fun double dates together. I approve of Joe, and Ava approves of Clinty-cakes so all is well.

Then Clint and I had out Sunday Scrabble Fest at Caribou -- I still have a headache from the 19 year old girl who said the word LIKE about 5,000 time in the 2 hours we were there.

And now ta-da I'm home- 274 miles driven since Saturday morning and I didn't even leave the metro area codes.

Jam Packed weekend

2009-03-14T09:06:00.000-06:00

So this weekend is pretty jam packed full of goodness.

Friday night consisted of going to play cards with Mike and then Clint came to play after he got off work.

The Clint and I ventured over to Perkin's for something salty - I'm having Lunar Craving Syndrom at the moment and needed something salty. We played a couple games of cribbage and talked. Checked up on our favorite perkin's waitress who wasn't our waitress last night. haha. ok not really.

Then I came home and my diet coke had kicked in which caused me to pop online for late night amusement. Eventually I made it to bed circa 3 am - who would have thought?

Saturday morning -8:30 pop up like toast. Realize that my clock that reads 7:30 is wrong and do some early morning math to add an hour from last week's DLS fiasco. Make mental note to change clock- but alas it has not been changed yet.

Got mom's hair all washed and pretty so she can make my brother take her to the grocery store.
Facebook - cause it's all rage. Speaking of rage, they changed the format and I'm a little annoyed but adapting. Now, I'll be heading to pick Clinton up for his boyfriend handyness so he can help me change my headlight. We'll run around and do some Saturday shopping. Grab lunch. I'll have to pick up the mail eventually at the post office as that is on my list to do. Then this evening we will be visiting Kenzie and Simon for birthday gathering goodness.

Tomorrow I get to see Ava and she just passed her boards! Yay Ava! Then who knows what - else - but then there will be laundry to do and Sunday Scrabble with Clinton.

Monday is possibly another cribbage night. Tuesday will be NCIS and Laundry night. Gosh this month is just flying by.

The big 2-8

2009-03-12T18:56:00.000-06:00

So the big 28 is just around the corner. It happens to fall on the last day of the first quarter, or the day before April Fool's day.

I love birthday goodness. But as this is not a milestone birthday - and it happens to fall on a Tuesday.

The best and worst of being 27:

Book:
Best book read this year - wasn't anything pulitzer prize winning or intellectually profound, nope it was probably the two books of essays by Cynthia Kaplan - funny anetdotal stories. "Why I'm like this" and "Leave the building quickly"

Worst book: I attempted on several occaisons to read Love in the Time of Cholera - and failed miserably.

Movie:
Best movie: I really enjoyed Nights of Rodanthe, I went to it with my mom.
Worst movie: Ironman

Song:
Best song: Lobsterman's Wife - Ingrid Michaelson
Worst song: Umm so many to chose from, I really hated that Kid Rock song about Summer. It made me barf a little in my mouth.

Life event:
Best: Revaluating was it is real and what isn't real and what's important. Almost a direct result of the following:
Worst: My dad passing away.

Meal:
Best: Oh well anything that didn't make me sick of course - donut wednesday was a nice staple for awhile til I started to grow my own version of a donut.
Worst: I got sick from Jimmy Johns once. And Chinese another time - but they were pretty close together so I could have had the stomach flu.

Love lesson:
Best: That love lessons present themself when one is on recess.
Worst: That secret relationships are only cool in the 5th grade.

Family lesson:
Best: That I've been promoted to the strong one.
Worst: That I've been promoted to the strong one.

So yeah - 28 can't be worse than 27. A few changes I'm preparing for: wrinkles, sore joints, and gray hair.

Now for the Kristen birthday wish list:

I could be like my brother and list a 5 page list of everything I've ever thought I once wanted and or needed. That would be annoyingly greedy and I really don't care.

I like cards. I like lots of random things and I am now too old to require a present. I'm not going to wear a pointy hat or anything.

But if you must - I like thoughtful presents, i.e. my brother or sister could get me books or dvds or music, as the standard what to get Kristen default gift and I'd be a o k with that.

A certain Alien could go with any of the standard "girlfriend" presents or something completly original. I'm not that hard to shop for, I like almost everything - and I appreciate the thought no matter what it is. And if this Alien was doubtful he could always ask Gwendolyn or Mackenzie for ideas.

My friends could call me on my birthday or completly forget - I'm past the it's all about me parade. I'd like a phone call or a card in the mail but I won't hand out demerits.

February in Nutshell

2009-03-01T05:43:00.000-06:00

Here is the remaining news from February:

So I went on a dating spree.

I had the follow up dates with Matt and Jim. Contact with Jim just fizzled out. The 2nd date with Matt was weird and awkward for several reasons. So much so that here is a list of things for guys to do to make a 2nd date uncomfortable.

Things Un-Dateable Guys Do on 2nd dates:

Proclaim with in moments of meeting eachother for dinner that you have to cut the evening short. It's 5:30 - should I suggest going to McDonalds for a quick meal?

State the reason for the unexpected early night - is that you have to meet your friends to go drinking after the hockey game and your friend from Milwaukee popped into town this weekend.

Order excessive amounts of alcohol - aka 3 or more tall alcoholic beverages. I may not be into you, but I'll worry about you driving away none the less.

Talk about hockey as if I am a Pro-Hockey player currently filling the void in my life by being a goalie for The Wild.

Flag the waiter down to have the bill separated by seat. Pay for it like a big boy or wait it out until I grab for the bill.

If p laying cribbage at a restaurant - do not lose one of the other person's pegs by being klumsy/drunk. Replacement cost is about 3 cents but seriously.

Do not say you are walking someone to their car only to walk them to the bathroom, hug them and say you will call.

Instead of calling lurk endlessly on the dating site that we met on. Where is the block feature?

Ok so that was a bad 2nd date. No 3rd date desired. Onward.

Ryan. Ryan is pseudo interesting. He works in publishing historical trade books. He plays the fiddle. He seems normal and like he has the ability to have and hold a conversation. Which right now - is becoming the #1 quality on the list. I'm so sick of the pointless banter, the 20 question games, seriously just read the ridiculous surveys on facebook if you want to know what my favorite color is. So we make plans to meet February 15th. I get sick. Horribly sick in the I really don't want to move let alone do anything else sick. I cancel. We continue chatting exchange phone numbers - schedule a phone date for when I don't sound like a man.

I go to work on Monday, only to leave at 12 as I am still to sick to function. I have my acrylic nails removed on Tuesday. Talk to Ryan. He is not a phone person, I am not a phone person with people I do not know. Talking to people I don't know - that's part of my job, also part of my job is to make as many short but to the point phone calls a day. So the conversation is short - ok - and we have plans to meet on Sunday. We chat some more throughout the week and by Thursday - I've lost all interest and want to go on a dating hiatus and just read chick lit and eat sherbet and call it a way of life.

Mike, my cribbage partner and I are out playing cards and I confess that I am done. Dating sucks. It's such a crapshoot and he's showing me his "leads" on eharmony, okcupid, plenty of fish and match.com. He has 27 leads open - 27! I can't even deal with 3. I'm definitely not in the mood for dating. Notes on facebook have replaced my internet time spent browsing profiles of losers in loserville looking for love.

I get a message from a acquaintance from high school. He plays cribbage as well and wants to play sometime. Cool. Okay this way If I'm on a losing streak with Mike I can play someone else and maybe not lose.

So Saturday February 21st. is what would have been my Mom and Dad's 30th wedding anniversary. My mom is okay but this day is a little harder than most. My parents dated for darn near and eternity - They were married in '79 but they started dating in '71 and that's a long time - and they weren't perfect by any means, and they didn't have the June and Ward Cleaver marriage but they loved eachother and so I hang out with my mom.

That afternoon I met up with Clint for cribbage - we catch up on the last 10 years of life over several games of cribbage and coffee and Caribou muffins. We are both hungry and so we go to Potbelly for a sammich - he pays since I drove us the 2 blocks of parking lots to get there. We both smoke, which is refreshing - since my attempts at quitting have been futile and my only friends that smoke are at work or to far away to qualify for smoking buddies. We wander around Borders. Mock the Twilight Phenomenon. Have real conversations that don't feel like 20 questions. Super a new friend.

So I drive us back to his vehicle - we talk and he asks what I'm doing tomorrow. I have previously ranted about the dilemmas of online dating and how I'm giving up on the ridiculousness of it and that reading fluffy books and frozen treats and scramble are now higher on the list of things I can waste time doing. I say I have a crappy internet date to go on, that I don't want to go on, but being Minnesotan I feel obligated to attend since I've already cancelled on him once. Clint then replies that if it's as horrible that I think it is going to be - that I should call him and he'd like to take me out on a fun date. I am caught of guard. I thought I just made a friend, our little meeting has similar parts of anatomy of date - but this was just a reuniting of acquaintances and making a new friend.

Via the wonders of facebook - we plan a get together for Sunday, despite the out come lunch with Ryan. We actually make several plans to get together and things to do, places to see etc.

Sunday, I get up, get ready, go to meet Ryan for lunch. The restaurant he has chosen - is the Vineyard. It was a happening place in the day, circa 1985 - I know this because my parents would go there on dates in my childhood. It's a mom and pop steak house stuck in the eighties complete with Ivy wall paper. But the service is good, the food is good the atmosphere on a Sunday though - has seemed to attract a large number of people in sweatpants and windpants.

So lunch with Ryan - he was really fixated on me living at home. I explained that sure, I once had lofty goals of moving out and being free - but now that I have lost a parent, I am content staying at home and taking care of my mom and making things for her as easy as possible. That the lack of privacy is not a selling point but I love my mom and we are closer that we have ever been and I'm ok with my current situation. Do you think that would satisfy him? No, let push the issues and make things awkward. "So when do you think you'll move out?" Listen buster - I am supporting my mom, it's not like I'm living in this responsibility free bubble, I pay property taxes and have home repairs, the only difference is the house isn't in my name at the moment. I'll move out when my siblings can buck up and take my place. Awkward silence. The next conversation was a long one - on the very enlightening topic of Sierra Mist. Yes, a conversation about sierra mist. The bill comes, it sits there awhile. The topic shifts and I am more and more annoyed by him. He wants to grab coffee, I entertain the idea but then confess that a nap sounds more appealing. He pays, we leave. There is the a gold star given to Ryan - not out loud or anything but he gets the award for the most awkward hug ever. There was the go for it - the turn away - the turn back - and then the hug. I waited in my car til he left and then headed home.

I took my nap - but before I did I called Clint to see if he was still up for Wings and Trivia - he was - we settled on 4 for the time to meet. We had wings, but we did not play trivia as trivia on Sunday was Nascar themed trivia. After that we went and played cards - still in this never ending conversation about life, the past ten years, work, annoyances etc. He of course wanted the update on the Pity lunch date. I told him the horribleness of it. Meanwhile, the former danceline girls from our graduating class bombard the coffee place. Along with a Men's bible study- we took that as a sign to flee and wander around Target to kill time, finish our coffees. After that we went to the grocery store to pick up bananas and milk and then he dropped me off at my car and we were both looking forward to getting together on Tuesday.

Tuesday afternoon at 2:30 I get a call. From my mom. She is crying and says that she has fallen and hurt herself and that she can not move her arm very well. Without a 2nd consideration - I am on my way home to her to take her to Urgent Care. On my way home I call my brother, tell him that mom is hurt and I am on my way home. That she slipped on the step and that he needs to pick up salt for the icy spots. He takes this a nagging and says he will. I call Clint and tell him that we might need to reschedule that my mom has fallen and I have to take her to urgent care and although that will be a quicker wait than the emergency room, who knows how long it will be. He is okay with this and sincerely worried about my mom. I get home take a look at her arm, say that she needs to have an xray since I have no professional medical opinion and she is in severe pain. My mom's a tough lady and has a high pain threshold but she is crying by just sitting there. So I get her in the car, buckle her up take her up the road to Elk River's urgent care. We sit and wait. She eventually goes in and see the Dr. - I am in the waiting room with sick people for an hour or so.

A little girl and her mom come in. She is carrying a pot. She looks healthy. The mom looks tired. The little girl is playing with her pot. I ask the little girl if she likes to cook. She states that she does. Ahh ok - security blankets are thing of the past. The mother pipes in and says that she has been vomiting since Friday - and the pot is to catch the throw up. Ahhh. I see. The little girl goes into how you throw up in the pot so mommy doesn't get mad and then she makes fake throw up sounds. Gross but funny. The mother than offers that she has been Throwing up since Friday, it's Tuesday. The mother continues that she hasn't seemed sick - but just gets sick at night. The little girl pipes up that she got sick after recess and art class was fun, she made a monster- it was a red and purple and green - to be scary it had orange eyes. The little girl is a nonstop chatter box - but it amuses me and she is entertaining the other people in the waiting room with her rambling. She is also really excited to see the doctor in the white coat and is convinced that they aren't really doctors. It's cute.

So my Mom gets out of the drs office and she has broken her arm - but it's not her forearm - but her upper arm. Gladly it's a clean break. Not so gladly - all that can be done - is wearing a sling and taking pain meds. I think this is the answer she received because she does not have health insurance - but we won't go into my tangent about that now. We run to the gas station to pick up some items - cigarettes and diet coke and head home. I call my brother on the 12 mile journey home. State the mom has broken her arm and requested that you pick her up some beer. He flys off the handle. He proclaims "I have an ingrown toe nail" and scolds me for not calling him while he was out earlier. I hang up the phone after some choice words - and he calls back momentarily letting me know that he will indeed pick up the beer.

We get home - he has salted the driveway and so I get my mom back in the house and ask her to sit and be still. I bring in the items from the car, purses, diet coke, jackets etc. Figure out dinner - and my brotehr gets back from the beer run - with mucho hostility - he's just not sensitive and can not deal when there are things that are unexpected. My mom tells me to go on my date and so I do.

Clint and I met at Caribou from there he drove to Red Robin, and afterwards we went to a movie. Things are going well and we are both interested in eachother. Tuesday night I get home at 12ish - which is incredibly late for a Tuesday night. I tend to my mom and her needs for getting comfortable and do some laundry - run around - finally going to bed at 3 - to get up at 5:45.

Wednesday I am a complete zombie. I make it through the work day -barely. I get home and crash - but wake myself up out of sleep with involuntary body jerks. Zombie aerobics if you will.

Friday night I have another date with Clinton, we are going to a theatrical comedy performance. Making Love like a Minnesotan - Sleepless in Shakopee. We meet up at Home Depot this time - he is there waiting for me in the parking lot, I get in his car and we go out for a sandwich and then head to uptown. We run into a minor problem with parking and friday night traffic in the area- But alas we park and and walk a couple blocks - the Brave New Workshop is hilarious and highly recommend that if you are in the cities for a night and you want to be amused this is a great option.

Afterwards, it's still early enough to hang out but as the sidewalks of suburbia have rolled up - we decided to go out for a piece of pie at Perkins. We go and eat pie - drink coffee and play cards. We discuss how we like each other and poof - we are in a relationship.

Saturday I meet my friend Mike for crib and we dish about our love life news - he has a new girlfriend Dana and she is a creature unlike any other - being as she is 26 and Mike was the first hand she held. She's also very pretty - so obviously it's a religious conviction thing. But still weird - so we dish - then I scoot to meet Mackenzie for coffee and catch up - things are good. She was friends with Clint in high school so she is all giddy and happy and being a goober. It was fun. Then Saturday night Mike, Clint and I played cards. Also fun - til I got sugar and caffeine overload and had to come home to zonk out.

So that's the scoop on February.

Valentine's Day

2009-02-08T18:11:00.000-06:00

So being single for Valentine's is the most exciting thing in the world- but thank goodness it's on a Saturday so I have the option to sit all day in my pajamas and eat oreos and doritos without abandon and no one is any the wiser.

Last years Valentine's with Dave I was a emotional basket case , must have been ovulating or something. 08

The year before that was Valentine's with Matt, I was on the verge of breaking up with him and so that wasn't that much fun either. 07

The year before that I think I was single and my mom and dad bought me a box of chocolates.
06

So this year - I'll have to plan a great anti-valentines day outing or something ... any ideas?

Round 2

2009-02-08T18:02:00.000-06:00

So I had a couple dates this weekend - 2nd dates with Matt and Jim.

Matt is officially out of the question. He's may have a great job but he's stuck in this post college drunken stooper - and he thinks going dutch is the way to go - and I think this is tacky. He'd be ok for a buddy to hang out with but he's Super City when I am obviously Super Not-So-City

Jim has not been eliminated from the island. He's funny or laughs when it is appropriatly funny- he demonstrated great sense of direction when we had to switch from plan a to completely unplanned plan b. He's the nice guy - that probably hasn't dated that much because he's a little shy- date three is planned for sometime this week. He's actually quite sweet and no delicate hands and gives good hugs- not the paper wings hugs. And I must confess I must be a little sweet on him or completly done with online dating since I've given up searching for new victims on the dating parade. We'll see. I've set myself up for disappointment before - so I'm just going to hold back - and see what happens.

Ok so more to report next week.

dating diary

2009-02-01T09:26:00.000-06:00

So I'm back swimming in the dating pool officially now and have a couple dates to report on.

The date with Jeff. Jeff is a nice guy, he's funny and smart. However he has been married before and has two kids. This is not a deal breaker - but it does complicate things.
We agreed to meet for dinner at one of my favorite "nostalgic things hanging on the wall" places.

There was a little problem however, there was a snow storm so It took Jeff a little longer to get ther than he origanally anticipated. He did however call and text location updates with pretty accurate ETAs.

Conversation went well, dinner was over and so we agreed to go have a cup of coffee and play cards. He had been bragging that he was a cribbage master and that he was going to kick my butt so I was looking forward to the challenge. His picture was a little inaccurate. He's balding, and has delicate looking hands and an odd shape about him. Think, average middle and skinny limbs.

So we the game begun. He didn't really know how to play. He's played before but we had to play in lesson format with me counting and showing him how to peg and in the end I obviously won.

We finished a couple games. And decided we should part ways. We hugged. He called to make sure I made it home okay and we ended up talking for a couple hours on the phone.

So it didn't work out with Jeff romantically but we continue to be facebook friends.

A date with Matt, we exchanged a couple emails and decided it was time to meet. We met for drinks - and that led to dinner. We had plenty of things to talk about and he is very attractive and smart and funny, manly hands. I even broke the usual Kristen rule and we went dutch. I normally think going dutch is tacky but somehow it was normal. Things went well at the end of the date. Our 2nd is tentativly scheduled for Friday night.

A date with a different Matt. He's from a small town in Iowa. So we met in St.Peter, MN for lunch. We had been talking for quite sometime - and somepeople are just better online or on the the phone vs. in person.

We met at this dive place, which I like and all he could do was complain, complain complain. Ok so it's not a fancy place - calm down and have fun. He looks - well he was wearing a crappy walmart sweater - and jeans and looked very Iowaesque. He was both trying to be cocky and know-it-all and at the same time came off as really insecure. His table manners were attrocious. Conversation was forced and I was pretty certain that he was a douche bag in the forst 20 minutes of meeting him in person. So I was ready to leave after that but the Minnesota girl in me is too nice to say so. So we went to this coffee place to play trivia pursuit and that was equally unenjoyable. I taught him how to play cribbage and then I was done. But he wanted to continue on with the date. Ok there is nothing to do in St. Peter after 4 pm so we went to the very sophisticated Makato... to go to a movie.

We go to see InkHeart. I want to see the Clint Eastwood movie but I don't want it to be ruined by going with this guy so I pick the movie I know nothing about and fits into the proper time slot. We walk around the mall for a little bit then go to the movie.

In the theatre, I was taking off my coat and getting as comfortable as I can get - when I must have shifted in my seat -- Matt then took this as I want his arm around me. In addition to his unwelcome arm around me - he is also clamping on my shoulder, super grip style. Grr. After sometime - I decide that I need to remove his arm from my body and be a big girl and hold his hand. He plays with my hand. Like a 10 year old holding his first girlfriends hand. All the tracing of my fingers and then kissing my hand. PS. He has delicate woman hands so I'm grossed out more than you know at this point. So I say, my arm has fallen asleep. I pull it away and shift away from him. He puts his arm around me and clamps down pulling my toward him. "Come over here" is what he says- He then asks "So you like me huh?" Um hell no. But the nice girl that I am says a shy maybe afraid he will go psycho. Now he's pulling my into his chest and I"m awkwardly cramped and have the arm redt digging into my ribs - but it would have been bad form to get up and switch seats.

The movie was ok - should of been a rental. We leave the theatre go to the bathroom so I can have cold wet hands and deter him from any hand holding. He drops me off at my sisters place and gets out of the car and hugs me good night -- it's not a normal hug as he did not compensate for my height -I was basically face first into his chest. Did I mention that he smelled like my brother - and looked like my friend Geoff from highschool. Alas - nothing but this good blog entry came out of the date with Matt from Iowa.

A date with Jim. Jim and I met at a metro midpoint between our offices and homes. We had great conversation and laughed a lot over a great burger and coke. Finished eachothers sentences etc. We have our 2nd date scheduled for this week. He has nice hands too.

A conversation with Amelia

2009-01-19T20:50:00.000-06:00

So I have this friend/former roommate from college who happens to be a new mother. And we talk on the phone from time to time. Let's call her Amelia

Today we had a conversation to play catch up - She's living in her new apartment with her boyfriend, Dick who I think is kind of a jerk, self centered,etc. I've only met him once and the weekend I stayed with them in Milwaukee. He was moody and crabby - and this can be understandable as this was the 1st week their baby came home from the hospital. Ok so maybe he's grown up a little bit and put on his big boy hat? Noooo.

I feel bad for Amelia . I mean - she's with this guy - who I'm sure has endearing qualities - but as far as I can see he's just an a-hole.

They are new parents and he is still satisfying all of his wants before his child's needs. Road trips with the guys, a motorcycle, a new car they can't afford, and he hasn't proposed to Amelia. He says he's saving up for the perfect ring and then they will start saving for the dream wedding.

*side bar*

Now recently Ava posted about how she's downsized her dream ring - which is shocking. But really impressive. And I agree, I mean it's not about the ring, yes they are pretty to look at - but when it comes down to it - it's a marriage that you want in the end - not a pretty bauble.
Bonus points if you get both - but by no means should a big fancy ring be a requirement. Amerlia I'm afraid is still Coo-Coo for Karats. I've never been a big wedding person but again if that's your dream - so be it - but again not about the wedding, it's about the marriage.

*end sidebar*

So maybe this is just me - but if you are living with your boyfriend for years and years and you have a baby - complete with two baby showers. Can you still have the big traditional church wedding filling pews upon pews with hundreds of guests?

I mean, I get - it's the symbolic begining of your lives together forever amen - but your lives together have already started - family has started. Maybe I'm out of touch, or too much a realist but isn't it a lot of time, effort and money to put into a 1 day long celebration and party. (i.e. college fund for the kid or perhaps a down payment on a house?) I'm not saying they can't have a church wedding - I'm saying that maybe they should look at something smaller - more intimate and not just a meal in exchange for presents? Ok maybe that was mean or maybe I'm just incapable of being frivoulous.

Resolutions

2008-12-27T08:08:00.000-06:00

So it's that wonderful time of year again. Where we turn a new leaf, post up another cat calender and start fresh. Usually I'm all blah about resolutions but let's be honest here - I need them this year. To help me out of this griefy funk and move forward. So Voila 365 things for me to do this year, obviously some of these can not be accomplished in just one day but some can at least add a little more purpose to my year ahead, granted some are small and absurd.

Plan and take a real vacation as in a different area code, possibly another time zone.
Learn a new crochet pattern.
Start a book club
Write a page a day for my own fiction projects
Lose 15 pounds
Start some sort of "healthier" living movement
Clean out the closet and donate the unfitables to either Sissy or someone else
Update the wardrobe
Go to a movie by myself
Go for walks
Venture into the city and find one fun thing to do a month
Go to a concert
Re-connect with old friends
Experiment with recipes
Save a little more than last year
Drink more water and less diet coke
Work on painting more
Stay up past 10 on Friday nights
Write letters
Go to a sporting event
Play in the garden
Blog a little more
Update the resume
Go camping
Visit a new place
Start getting rid of the things I don't need
Make a family scrapbook
Do something on whim
Start and finish a home improvement project
Re-read Jane Austen's books
Go to the beach ie. conquer the bathing suit fear
Try new foods
See a sunset (and in the car doesn't count)
See a sunrise (and in the car doesn't count)
Take pictures
Indulge in new shoes
Get a pedicure (conquer the other people touching my feet cure)
Send an unexpected package to someone
Take some sort of class arts and crafts, cooking, dance
Go to a cheesy festival
Learn to drink coffee and not just choke it down.
Learn which wines I can drink and taste ok without sending me to the hospital.
Pick apples in an apple orchard
Get lost in a corn maze
Go to the Walker for 3 exhibits this year
Practice sketching people instead of random doodles of lampshades
Play in the snow
Learn something about automobile maintenance - maybe how to change a tire...
Go on a date
Learn about cheesy landmarks
Take time to be alone
Eat fruit
Shave my legs when they need it, even if I'm feeling lazy.
Pay off the car so the apartment search can begin
Have something fun planned for my birthday
Do something with single friends for Valentines day
Try green beer for st. Patrick's day
Finish enough of the novel to search for publishing prospects
Try to get into yoga again
Go to the eye doctor since I've been procrastinating on this for 2 years...
Join a gym and actually go
Find new music
Go to a dive bar that quite possibly has country line dancing and suck it up and enjoy it
Go swimming
Make an afghan
Go to the zoo
Find new coffee places to hang out in after work
Update my makeup
Keep up on laundry
Clean out my trunk
Call friends
Update my bedroom from pink and girly to something more grown up
Read the paper
Find hole in the wall places to eat, drink and be merry
Visit grandma
Plan a picnic
Go to an artsy fartsy indie film
Go to a flea market
Get lost and not freak out
Help someone
Look into Grad schools
Learn a new card game
Grow cucumbers and make homemade pickles
Bake more
Go to the art museum
Break the addiction to scramble
Hug more
Cry when needed
Laugh more
Make a Kristen soundtrack to bring me out of a bad mood
Share a recipe
Welcome change
Be brave enough to try new things
Read a book that is not my typical reading genre
Offer to babysit my friends kids
Try my hand at writing a children's book
Hang my laundry up instead of living out of laundry baskets
Plan an after work social event for the girls at work
Try a new pizza topping
Share my writings with friends
Be open to criticism
Make plans for every weekend.
Try birdwatching
Start a game night once a month with friends
Go fishing
Celebrate all the wacky holidays that don't make it on the traditional calender
Learn a new word a day
Get over my fear of mice and bats
Get over my fear of commitment
Visit cemeteries where family members are buried
Try writing a screenplay
try to make a collection of quick and easy healthy food recipes
Play the piano once a month
Encourage my brother to go back to school
Help my sister find a job
Floss more
Make the switch from cookies to rice cakes
Try listening to a new radio station
Listen to an audio book
Make-out like a teenager
take bubble baths
go for a bike ride
buy flowers for myself
get a carwash - fear of carwashes
quit procrastinating
forgive
continue to grow the hair out - do not give in to cutting temptations
be happy when i go to work, be happy when i come home
play matchmaker or attempt to do so
read some non-fiction
try sushi
play a video game and work on hand eye coordination haha
wear a ridiculous hat or other accessory just for fun
try crocheting a sweater
be nice to bible bangers
get some ridiculously sex underwear
stop spending weekends in sweatpants
stop and take time to appreciate small things
dress up once at least for fun
re-learn to walk in heels
get a tan this summer
spend more time outside
take my vitamins
write a poem
save room for dessert
rent some old black and white movies
pack a lunch for work instead of going out to eat
make waffles - and not Eggo's.
stop picking at my owwies
make an effort to look pretty even if i don't feel pretty
get my pants hemmed to fit properly
make a family tree
try a new beer
try to eat yogurt
go antiquing
go people watching
make new friends
try recycling
read my horoscope and laugh
read a fortune cookie and laugh
set long term goals
accomplish short term goals
go to a comedy club
go to a planetarium
make an out of the way trip to have a good story
make memorable moments with my family
plan a sister weekend to get out of town with my sister
plan an all girls weekend to get together with the girls
send birthday cards
send christmas cards
find the birthday gift for everyone
read Emily Post's book on etiquette
be more ladylike
try to obey "the rules"
go bowling
try golfing or at least mini golfing
sing karaoke
get a ridiculous crush
send a valentine
look for cheesy magnets to put on the fridge
spend quality time with my brother and sister
work on the family cookbook with my mom
make a snow man/ angel/ ball
make a birthday cake for someone at work
make mini adventures
try to tiptoe each day
work on not getting road rage
build a sandcastle
write a love letter
write a i hate your guts letter
compliment someone
accept compliments
donate food to a food shelf
do a random act of kindness
dance naked, fear of dancing and fear of nakedness
sleep naked
watch a sci fi movie and not complain about it
stop complaining
get promoted
do things out of the ordinary
be nice to a stranger
buy stamps in bulk and use them up before they change the postage again.
keep up to date on news and current events
sleep in once in awhile
stay up all night
learn to make a thanksgiving meal
learn the best way to remove stains from clothes.
go to some thing that i don't really want to go to and make the best of it
fly somewhere
take the amtrack and not complain about it being delayed. haha
plant seedlings inside so i can have more flowers for summer
enjoy nature
wear sunblock
paint my toe nails
create a budget
ok i'm out of ideas but i might come back to add more...

Dear Blog,

2008-12-27T08:01:00.000-06:00

Oh how I have abandonded you. I'm deeply sorry and now I will fill you random tangents.

Tangent Outline:

Resolutions
Christmas Re-Cap
Book Review: Stupid & Contagious
Online Dating Update

-Kristen

The Perfect Invention

2008-12-01T19:51:00.000-06:00

In case you're up all night- calculating I don't know very important things like how much time I've just wasted on www.dreamproductscatalog.com this by far is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen, but hey a multifunctional alarm clock non-the-less. I wonder if you push the numbers for how long you want to snooze?

NEVER MAKE ANOTHER CALCULATION MISTAKE
Error-proof your computations with this amazing talking calculator. The easiest way ever to balance your checkbook, figure taxes or keep at-home accounting on track. Includes a time readout with easyset alarm. Runs on 2 AAA batteries available everywhere.

Packaged Underwear aren't so bad

2008-12-01T19:35:00.003-06:00

SO what does a single girl do now that she has replaced all of her fun flirty - "I've got sexy undies on and know one knows but me, tee hee" with boring cute but comfy cotton ones. She relizes that it might be time to slowly integrate cute panties into her underclothes wardrobe once again.

Ok so after looking up my brothers christmas present online I ran across this ---

and to match --- I found this

Both are still catergortized in the not over my dead body section of underthings.

Alas - time to check out Victoria's secret - see if they have something that more --- I don't know - less scary.

But in the end I know that my cotton bikinis and few remaining sexy girl panties are a step above the "Fashion Panty Wardrobe"

hard to shop for?

2008-12-01T19:06:00.000-06:00

Confession: My sister and I met up with my Grandma friday afternoon. At the end of lunch she loaded my car with christmas presents.

My original thought: Well, this is odd, there are wrapped packages -- normally she only did wrapped packages for my dad and us kids and my mom got random presents in assorted gift bags. Mostly crap - she's old now and doesn't know what us 20 somethings are into and hasn't considered the notion that gift cards and cash are sufficent.

Now I don't mean to sound greedy or anthing like that - but she has enough money where she could be a little better in the gift giving arena. But most of the time she gets us trinkets and a hundred dollars or so in spending money. Anyways -- my point is it really doesn't matter what the gift is - it's the thought put into it.

And frankly - my poor brother was the on the short end of the stick when it came to receiving a thoughtful gift.

Anyways -- so we get and home and open our christmas presents - because we know they will be funny or amusingly tacky and it's really not worth the suspense.

Me and my sister received identical gifts as usual: A box of humingbird stationary, an artifical candel that can not be lit and a operates on batteries and some post it notes with cats on them. and the cash department was lower than standard 100. Oh well. I'm over it. My sister is a little bummed out.

But my brother -- he received a tie organizer. That'll be OH SO useful since he has a total of 2 ties. 1 of which was just aquired this weekend for a wedding, and one is clip on from his first communion back in 1993.

The fun doesn't stop here... He also received a large book about the history of american autos. Now, if my brother cared anything about cars this might be appropriate. But, she tried, maybe, I remember the one year he got penut brittle for a present.

But the kicker is the following: Now, It might be me but the present pictured below just doesn't scream 24 year old grandson does it? I think there might have been some good deals at Mills Fleet Farm or quite possibly Walgreens:

SO LIFE LIKE...YOU'LL THINK HE'S REAL

Watch the smiles as this realistic turtle starts his slow walk, and sings to the music as he goes. Even his head and mouth move as he croons, "You gotta slow down, you move too fast". Takes 3 AA batteries available everywhere.

IF you're interested in this annoying turtle check this out:
http://www.dreamproductscatalog.com/details.cfm?item=11245
photo and details courtesy of the aforementioned website.

I love Mondays

2008-12-01T18:59:00.000-06:00

Ok so I really don't love Mondays. But once a week or so I try to make it to Perkins for the Soup of the Day. Monday is my favorite Soup of the Day, since it is Chicken Tortilla. I like my Chicken Tortilla soup paired with the oh so sophisticated grilled cheese sandwhich.

Perfect for the chilly day it was today.

Anyways -- I know it doesn't sound very glamourous or special, but it really is a fantastic soup.

Now I'm on the hunt for a recipe to try and make my very own.

PS. The Campbells version of same said soup is not very good, quite bland and lame actually. But I do love Fiesta Nacho Cheese.

Yes, I'm lame and I'm blogging about soup - what can I say, life is exciting.

Book Review

2008-12-01T18:53:00.000-06:00

Soo you want to read a fast paced chick lit book.

Look no further than Sophie Kinsella's Remember Me. It's funny, and delightful and I flipped through it.

The jist without any spoilers:

A 20-something Girl, Lexi Smart has an okay life that ison the verge of going to hell in a handbasket. She get's amnesia and wakes up a totally differnt and changed person.

It's cute and simple and well written.

I highly reconmend it if you are trying to add a book a week to your reading schedule.

Another one to read by her is Undomestic Goddess. Also funny and cute.

I'm a little afraid to start reading her Shopaholic series- I might be forced to pick up something less chick and more lit. But Both of these are excellent fluffy books that make you laugh and sympathize with the charachters.

how to be sound asleep by 8 on a saturday night

2008-11-23T18:24:00.000-06:00

I suppose this method will also work to cure insomnia.

There are couple things you need in order for this to be funtional.

A tv
dvd player
old dvds that you've seen a million times.
bed or couch where you can be comforatable facing away from the tv but still able to hear it.

Last night's movie choice was My Best Friend's Wedding.

I know I swore of chick flicks but nothing was on TV and I had this brilliant idea of how to fall asleep to make my headache go away.

Pop the dvd in - turn the tv on - all that highly technical mumbo jumbo that I will not explain because a) you know how to do it b) I'm not able to upload a fancy flow chart to explain it so why bother? c) you don't really care that much.

Ok go to the set up features and most have the option to change the language of the audio to a language that you are not fluent in - spanish and french seem to be the top contenders in this area of optionability. (yes i just made that word up)

I selected French - since I know a little, but choose whichever is available or tickles your fancy.

I start the movie.

I watch part of it - i.e. the first 20 minutes or so - with english subtitles at the bottom so I can see how much editing they had to do to make the mouths match the french words vs the english ones.

This gets annoying after awhile. Even in it's native tongue any tv or movie that's sound doesn't correlate properly with lip movement drives me a little bonkers and enduces a vertigo like symptom - well the solution is to roll over and away from the tv

Now just listen to the funny french words -- see if you can picture where in the movie they are. Sneek a peak once in awhile if you must. But if you can stay strong the babble in the background is sure to put you to sleep or alternatively drive you mad. It's 50/50.

My next test is to find out if the directors commentary on steel magnolias is also tri-lingual.

a rant

2008-11-23T06:40:00.000-06:00

So I've made it through 6 months of grieving. I'm not sure I'm any more adjusted than before. I'm getting used to the changes but it's all very unsettling.

And now with the holidays coming. I'm not full of cheer and quite frankly not looking forward to anything from Thanksgiving through New Years.

I've been put in a predicament where now instead of living at home to save money, I'm living at home to support my mother. Granted my brother helps with some things, mostly his things- and 1/3 of the utilities that I enforced shortly before my dad passed since he's always lived at home and never contributed anything but his angst and temper tantrums and I know everything attitude.

So I don't bear the burden alone but his contributions are fixed since he works in retail and I get the joy of covering the remaining balance, since my mother can't cause she only works part time. I've been helping with household crap since forever, but some how my siblings got out of learning this responsibility lesson and I'm a little bitter.

Apparently it's a o k from me to the responsible one, where my brother can go out and spend oodles of money on going to concerts, getting a guided fishing tour for summer weekend, spend nights out with his friends dinner and drinks, not to mention he buys whatever he wants. And it's never the toilet paper.

But he really pissed me off this week as if I'm not irritated enough with him.
Apparently the groceries I bring home are for the whole household and the groceries he brings home are just for him unless he offers.

The other day I needed pastries- so I brought home a danish. Now I didn't want to eat the whole thing -- and as I was eating my dinner - he asked if he could have some. Fine.

So by the time I get up to get a piece of my Danish - 3/4 of it are missing from the pan. I know my mom had a piece - but seriously - my brother ate half the pan - and I was left with 2 small pieces. SO I had one and though - Oh I'll have the last of it in the morning. EVERYONE knows my rule about eating the last of something and they don't.

WELL I was wrong - the butt head ate 1/2 of my danish and then the last small piece while I WAS SLEEPING.

What does a girl have to do to enjoy a good pastry?

Hiatus from the Penises

2008-11-16T07:53:00.000-06:00

Ok Ava. Message heard.

I will be taking a hiatus from jumping back into dating. Let's face facts I'm not ready and it would only be rebound frills and that's not good for anyone. I'm too old to be slutty and want sometime within the next decade to find something wholesome and substansial. I guess sometimes you aren't supposed to get back up on the horse and my total annoyance with every Penis bearing guy out there is proof in the pudding. (yes, I'm full of cliches today.)

I watched Bridget Jones's last night and I am Bridget without the happy ending. Sooo I must sing really bad lite FM ballads at the top of my lungs and tend to my cat, make some blue soup, and maybe afterawhile I'll try and try again. But at least not until after my birthday when I have 28-yr old version of my 27-yr old crisis.

But until then maybe I'll write a little more, or paint a little more definetly not watch anymore chick flicks that will remind me of all the gooey stuff I miss. It might be time to go to the yarn store and stock up on winter crafts to keep me productive. I did just watch a fabulous episode of the late great Bob Ross and his oil painting adventures.

Also in the meantime I'm looking into purchasing a new buzz toy. The current buzzer has lived a long life circa 2003, (amazing eh?) and it really is time to put the "eager beaver" to rest. Suggestions welcome.

Where have all the normal guys gone?

2008-11-15T10:08:00.000-06:00

On my last dating expidition - I ran into some weirdos - but some nice guys too.
I even have my aim buddy list broken into several catergories
- nice guys
- too far away guys
- bad dates
- losers
- boring guys
- annoying sex crazed maniacs

Well I'm a little more choosey about who I wast time chatting with this go arround.

Here are some of the disqualifiers/red flags:

Pass judgement on me if you will but a girl has to have standards.

The NO Way Jose List:
No education after highschool.
Unemployed.
Religious Zealots.
Felons.
Liars.
Cheaters.
No car.
Baby on the way with another woman.
Bad teeth.
Creepy eyes.
Drug use.
Big Drinkers.
Illiterate.
Self-Centered
Egotistical.
Possesing any bastard like qualities.
Youger than 27.
Older than 38.
Weird facial piercings or otherwise.
Dredlocks.
Catergorized as Seperated
Catergorized as Married
Lying about marital status: i.e. One sites profile says Divorced and the other says: Never Married (and he's sent me messages from both.)
Baldness unless it really does work for him.
Beards. Some facial hair is ok - but no full beards.
No hatred of cats.

The writing delay

2008-11-09T17:52:00.000-06:00

Ok so I haven't been writing anything on my other adjacent fiction only blog as of late.

Part of the reason - honestly is laziness. The other is after wandering around bookstores and reading blurb after blurb on amazon I felt as though there are no new stories left to be told. I know, I know this is not a news flash. There are only so many plots and the difference is in the meat of the writing, the fleshed out charachters coming to life - reaching across the page and sucking you into the vortex of their world. blah blah blah.

So I was moderately discouraged-- but I will push that aside and try to be more active on that other blog. Plus the long cold winter can be a great motivator for said writing. So keep tuned in.

But then I had to write something for work - and my friend Jacque said that I need to write more becuase she loved my motivational letter on "Being a Fred" (based on the book Fred Factor)

SO I will toss all my insecurities aside and there will be more on Gladys and the crew.

I'll start tomorrow.

Imagining something new

2008-11-08T07:53:00.000-06:00

So I'll say it. I have a crush on someone & I feel like a school girl for more than one reason. I met Stanley (not his real name) in Kindergarten and we went to school together thru the 4th grade. Then, I went to public middle school instead of staying at the prochial school. We haven't crossed paths since we were 9.

Life passed, and then through the miracles of facebook he found me and we have since had several legenthy conversations online and we can ramble on for hours about serious and not so serious stuff. There are mutual flirtations and we're both single.

So what's the issue? Well we are both recently single - and going through our own break up routines. We're both a little cautious about meeting in person even though we used to play on the same playground 20 years ago. So right now I'm just hopeful that Stan and I can be fantastic friends and after awhile maybe we entertain the idea of dinner date and see what happens. Yes, full blown crush mode.

Politics Politics Politics

2008-11-05T19:17:00.000-06:00

I love current events and the news and all things political. NPR.org interactive election map brought me great joy.

It's happened - we the American people have voted and invited a democratic back into the White House. Thank goodness.

Our President Elect happens to be the first ever African-American president. Fantastic. A movement of progress, how far we have come as country.

I didn't vote for black or white when I stepped into my polling cubby. No, I voted for the candidates who best represented my political ideals. I saw two colors - Red and Blue (well three technically if you count Nader - but very few will vote for him so bygones -sorry Ralphie).

At work today - I sit next to a woman (Let's call her Iggie) with exceptional grade A ignorance, a blind faith in a bible and religion that has brain washed her beyond repair - so much in fact she refuses to wear pants - even if it's 40 below. I'm sorry but Jesus would want you to wear pants instead of getting frost bite - the climate of the biblical times you read with such volition was not aware or prone to the horrors of the WINDCHILL factor. She irritated me greatly even if I like her as a person, for the most part.

Ignorance: Some hype heard amongst the cubical walls today include a portrait of ignorance and acceptance, both of the election results and of humanity in general.

Iggie:
Obama is a Muslim.
Kristen:
Actually Iggie, he's a christian just like you.
Iggie:
Nope, he's a Muslim.
Kristen:
What's wrong with that - we do have our first Amendment rights you know.
Iggie:
Our country was founded on the premise of a Christian God.
Kristen:
True, but it's our country that fought for religious freedom. And Obama is a Christian, you should be happy.
Iggie:
He's a Muslim Kristen, he's just faking it.
Kristen:
OK Iggie, believe what you want, but it's none of your business who he prays to anyways.

Iggie: He'll never be sworn in as president.

Kristen: He's the president elect, he'll be sworn in. Can't you just accept it. I'd accept McCain as president if he had won.

Iggie: Nope, he was born in Kenya so he can't be sworn in. Iwill never accept it. I have someone bigger than Obama to get me through this... God and Jesus will prevail.
Kristen: He was born in Hawaii, and God and Jesus weren't on the ballot and their foreign policy is a little sketchy. Remember Iggie, you should always vote with your brain and not with a bible.

Iggie: He can't provide a valid birth certificate

Kristen: McCain wasn't born on American soil. Ps. The Associated Press has a story about the validity of his birth certificiate - (emd to Iggie)

Iggie: Yes he was. You can't believe everything on the internet.

Kristen: Nope, he was born on a military base. Iggie, it's the Associated Press- not a email forward. I'll believe the Associated Press over some forward.

Iggie: Fine.

Kristen: Iggie, Why would a white, American, woman who is pregnant - travel in an airplane to Kenya to give birth in a remote village, that's maternity ward probably has dirt floors and drafty walls made out of natural fibers- versus in Hawaii in a hospital with clean disinfected floors and finely crafted structure and an Ocean view?

Iggie: Do your research Kristen.

Kristen: Iggie, don't you think you're being pretty ignorant about this - I mean John McCain - who was your political mavericky hero expressed that everyone needs to come together and that Obama is going to be his president and that you should accept it.

Iggie: He won't be my president, my president and commander in chief is a higher power.

Kristen: Well, that statement is very un-American of you. That dissapoints me Iggie. I have oreos at my desk do you want one?

no I will not join your cyber love parade

2008-11-01T08:10:00.000-06:00

So I popped onto OKCupid.com awhile back to see what's out there - I'm passively looking through profiles - seeing the other fish in the sea.

Let me tell you, I am not impressed. Why can't normal guys be out there?

The crappy thing about the free okc is that they have this chat thing- and when ever I am passively browsing or taking ridiculous quizzes - someone always wants to have a conversation. A conversation that I do not want to have.

Loser: hi
Me: hi
Loser: how r u?
Me: fine, can you not use those abbreviations they are really annoying to me.
Loser: haha ok
Loser: so you seem like a really open person from your profile.
Me: I guess
Loser: So can I ask some questions?
Me: shoot
Loser: How do you give a blow job - tell me in detail.
Me: I will not share my top secret technique with anyone- it's not up for discussion.
Loser: How big are your breasts and pussy?
Me: I don't measure them. Please stop with this inappropriate sex talk. Are you unable to have a normal conversation?
Loser: Don't you want to f*** me?
Me: Nope
Loser: Why not?
Me: 1. I don't know you. 2. You're acting like a dillweed. 3.I don't have random sex with dillweeds.
me: goodbye
blocking loser.

SO I then continue to browse through a couple profiles -- get accosted by some non english speaking fellow who due to conversation barrier I also block.

Then I see a suggested user. This is someone I know - and I start laughing hysterically.

OKC thinks I would be a great match with drum roll please......my cousin Jake.

So I send him a message - Jake, Sorry Cousin but I'm not into relatives that way. OKC has got it all wrong, we are not from West Virginia!

He replies back and is laughing for multiple reasons - he has confessed that he's been out at the bars and is a little wasted and the ridiculousness of okc's suggestion and his random okc mail from his cousin. The I had to explain what happened with Dave and all of that.

So yeah.

Isn't getting back out there exciting.

She's supposed to be the chubby one

2008-11-01T07:54:00.000-06:00

Growing up, my mom has always been a little chubby. She's adorable and cute and wears dorky faux denim leggings and yeah she's my mom so I love her.

I never had a mom that wanted me to be a barbie doll - she in fact wouldn't let me play with such self esteem distructors.

But last week - something happened that has never happened before. My mom can now fit into my clothes. Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy that she's lost some weight, somewhere in the neighborhood of 40 pounds in the last year. But I'm also then reminded that once upon a time I was smaller and now I've put on a couple pounds.

But in any light she is just so excited that she can now shop in the ladies clothes and not in womens section we devouted a good afternoon to going shopping, buy some new outfits and then she came home and tried on my stuff too. It's like we are teenage sisters. But instead of wearing the latest fashion mistake we both dress in pretty classic standby outfits.

It's just a little weird to ask - Mom do you have my navy pants?

Onward to my sister -- since we have a good 5.5 years between us she thinks all my clothes are old lady clothes -- but just wait - I'm sure when she starts job hunting she'll be stealing my navy pants too. Now sissy and I are about a size difference - but that is always subject to change i.e. similar to that of the polls 1+/1-.

So to head of anyone even thinking about swiping my favorite jeans -- I'm going to go get my mom a pair of real life jeans since it's probably been several decades since she's owned them and they can be her cute butt jeans and she will leave mine alone!

a little bit of a temper

2008-10-24T05:56:00.000-05:00

So I received another verbal warning yesterday. That's two so far. But both have been since July.

I might need an anger management class haha. Actually, I know I've been snappy and I'm going to blame the economy.

Fix the economy and my temper will be fixed.

Ok maybe that's a bit irrational.

Fix all the problems of the world and then just maybe - my temper will dissapate.

Maybe I'm just moody and I can't help it.

I was out of chocolate the other day when I lashed out -- I didn't call anyone a peon this time -- just asked her if that's how she does her job.

Oppps

I need a stress ball that is resistant to arcylic nails.

Moisturizer

2008-10-24T05:46:00.000-05:00

Sooo I was in TJ max the other day -- wasting an hour for lunch.

And they had my vita k under eye cream so I picked a couple up.

I also was extra adventurous after reading Ava's blog about skin care and now I'm over analyzing every nook n cranny on my face.

So I picked up a new moisturizer.

The label is mostly in german and so I googles it but only came across pictures of wind mills and a message about wind energy

Soo apprently I'm finally doing something good for the environment. haha.

Ooh ok I found it:

BALANCED PROTECTION COMPLEX
WHITE TEA • CLOVER • SPICY BASIL
Stimulating day cream for all skin types
Red clover stimulates cell metabolism
Spicy basil reduces inflammation
ENERGY SOURCE – the stimulating day cream for all skin types. This unique high-effect formula is based on white tea – one of nature’s most potent antioxidants – which provides long-lasting support for the skin’s natural oil replenishment processes and protects against environmental toxins. in addition to the anti-inflammatory effects of spicy basil, red clover activates cell metabolism, resulting in a visibly firmer and noticeably smoother complexion.

Anyways it's a nice refreshing moisturizer.. for 7.99 who can really complain.

funny forward I must share

2008-10-24T05:45:00.001-05:00

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Barack Obama: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

John McCain: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

Hillary Clinton: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure - right from Day one - that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

George W. Bush: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

Dick Cheney: Where's my gun?

Colin Powell: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

John Kerry: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chickens intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

Al Sharpton: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens!

Dr. Phil: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

Oprah: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of us chickens.

Nancy Grace: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

Pat Buchanan: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

Ernest Hemingway: To die in the rain, alone.

Jerry Falwell: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side'. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

Grandpa: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

Barbara Walters: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious scare of moulting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Colonel Sanders: Did I miss one???

Halloween

2008-10-24T05:34:00.000-05:00

My first day at XYZ was Halloween. What a horrible first day to start at an office. The girl that was training me in was in a back to the 50's poodle skirt and would wear roller skates from time to time. Some other person was in a Hawaiian Shirt and had zinc under his eyes. I thought these peole were crazy. And this year - on my 3 year anniversary at XYZ I will finally partake in the costume fun.

I will be Punky Brewster. So I have to find some wacky 80's shirt - some bandanas to tie around my knees and put my hair in in pig tails -- or mini pigtails.

This Saturday there is a parade in the adjacent city - the Halloween Capitol of the World. I haven't been in ages but thinking of going. Who knows.

Any candy that's many ingredient is candy and costumes -- is fine by me in my book.

I'm done.

2008-10-23T19:16:00.000-05:00

Pulling the fork out.

Maybe this is what he wanted - for me to get so pissed off and angry I'd want to just move on.

Outside stress isn't a reason for ending a relationship. If that was the case I would have dumped him ages ago.

I'm hoping our discussion is amicable on Monday and some time down the road we can be friends- because we do enjoy eachother's companionship. But I obviously can't give him what he needs, he can't tell me what he needs, and most of all he can't give me what I need.

So I'm officially done.

Onto the next dating adventure.

the talk postponed

2008-10-22T19:04:00.000-05:00

So I briefly talked to Dave tonight to set up a time to talk since he didn't call or text before I was already home.

And so I asked him where he was with everything, he still doesn't know.

I expressed my need to a reason, he just said he's under stress.

So I ask if I've caused this stres, no his work and family.

but I've contributed to it, some how...

So I apologize for complicating his life

We agree to talk on Monday.

Thoughts for a Monday

2008-10-20T09:08:00.000-05:00

So Dave and I are going to sit down and talk about things this week.

And I'm a little annoyed, that he gave me no warning when he instituted the break, that he hasn't been the blue ribbon boyfirend we all dream of.

So in my typical girl over analyzing everything fashion, what will be the result of our conversation.

He will either say, that he's messed up, apologize for putting me through this confusing hiatus and that he wants to try and work on us.

He will tell me that he needs to be single for whatever reason. And then I will have to officially move on.

If he wants to work on things - I am cautious but willing, because I love him. I'm already hurting and right now the only comfort I want is him holding me.

If he needs to be single for whatever reason, and it better be a good one, I'll try to accept it but at this point without knowing why or what I'm clueless to how I'll respond.

So that's the game plan.

The Amazing Adventure to LaCrosse

2008-10-19T08:09:00.000-05:00

So when a not so emotional friend has a breakdown over dirty dishes, the troops are called in - I happened to be one of the troops. Ultimate friendship is being able to clean someone elses home when they themselves are distraugt at the attempt of it alone. This my dears could be the basic outline of a lifetime movie. Only in the end the evil roomate would have to have some sort of fatal illness.

So I depart the metro area, headed toward quieter scenic byways and to places that have what do you call them, oh - yes, townies. To see them walking on the sidewalk is almost a joy, funny head pieces, mis-matched striped pants with some teen agnst sweatshirt. People in mis matched pajamas outside doing every day things.

My first stop was Rochester. A city away from the cities. An evening with Ava - making taco dinner, craving brownies and icecream while watching what can only be described as the cheesiest movie ever - Aquamarine. SO many puns even my head hurt and I groaned at the horrible attempt to connect everyday item/phrases into some marine reference. Ava has several examples of the ones we caught listed on her blog perpetually single.

After an evening of cheesy movie, and making some cinonmon butter coffee cake concotion and watching tv - it was time for bed.

A miracle happened. I slept in past 10:30 - it was at least 10:34 by the kitchen clock. A miracle because - well let's face facts. I'm an early bird and it often carries over into the weekend.

Next stop, LaCrosse, Wisconsin to help our dear distressed friend Alice clean her apartment that has been overrun with filth, and fruit flies as well as a bunch of other shit. We picked Alice up, first stopping for nourishment at the local McDonalds and then heading to the store to pick up rubber gloves and a few other cleaning tools.

When we arrived at Miss Alice's apartment that she shares with Digby - the messiest gay man to ever have walked the face of the earth. The first thing we noticed was the smell. It was bad, something like the combination of: swamp lands, cat box, and fermenting tea from 3 months ago complete with tea bag decomposition. It was bad, all of the smells were faint and haunting instead of say intense and pungent like a skunk or vomit. So no face masks were required and after a little while we grew accustomed to the smellieness.

At first glance it looked more messy than dirty -- which is a good thing, but soon it was unvieled - pizza plates, water bottles with unknown substances, miscalaneous papers from god knows when. Lots of shit, not fecal matter mind you, but life shit - papers, books, movies, napkins, coupons, shredded powerball and other various lotto tickets.

Ava and I tackled the living room and kitchen, while Alice worked on the bathroom.
Drinking wine in juice glasses and listening to a wide and ecceltic array of music we were able to get the place in tip top shape.

Then we went to dinner, came back watched a cheesy movie and I conked out. And this blog post is the product of the non-miracle that occured. I woke up at 6:30. grrr.

What's next

2008-10-12T17:10:00.000-05:00

So I've taken some time to go over in my head what I want/need/deserve for the next relationship I have.

I guess the biggest thing I will need someone who makes an effort. I'm not talking about someone doting on me or hanging on every word - cause you know what kinda random crap comes out of my mouth.

But, the one big thing that was missing from the relationship with Dave was that he did not put in the effort I put in to being a couple or being romantic or knowing me as a person and sharing with me.

I'm not talking grand gestures - I'm talking about once in awhile having a weekend just the two of us. Without making plans in the middle to work on some project or something else or go golfing, get drunk and then forget to call and say oopps I ended up downtown wasted, and I'll have to reschedule our much anticipated Saturday night date night.

Maybe complimenting me, instead of making fun of me. He only told me I was beautiful one time. ONE time over a year and he was drunk. What was I thinking. I never heard a you look nice if I dressed up or tried to be cute. In fact I don't remember one single compliment.

Yes, he was good at comforting me when I needed him most but as far as trying to understand me or talk about things that I'm going through - most recently I wanted to have the "what's your take on the afterlife" conversation cause I'm in greif and I'm conflicted at the moment at what I believe in if anything. He couldn't even offer anything besides a shrug and an I don't know.

I never got to meet his friends or family. Granted he only met my friends at my dad's funeral and on one bbq adventure at Heather's but he was invited to come meet my friends and family on several occaisons. But was always busy. Maybe he was hiding me, maybe I'm not as pretty/successful/charming/dainty as the last one he brought home, maybe he's ashamed of me for a plethora of unknown reasons. Maybe having a secret girlfriend in your 30's is way more fun than in the 7th grade. Who knows.

I'm hurting right now and I'm in the anger phase of this breakup - and I'm feeling dumb and stupid for letting myself love someone who obviously didn't want to, and or couldn't love me.

Getting ready to be single

2008-10-10T15:41:00.000-05:00

As Dave are on a break and I was hopeful yesterday, today - I've started the Welcome Back to Singledom Orientation. If in the end things work out with Dave, fantastic- but if whatever it is, is beyond repair or an attempt on his part - then I'm not so shell shocked.

I've colored my hair. Thought about getting a gym membership -that I would actually use. Considered drinking excessivly while eating excessively but then that would only mean more work outs at the gym. Now I'm getting ready for retail therapy - but I don't really need anything, or want anything in particular.

I would go get my nails done and be ultra girl-a-rific but I was unconsiously biting them and now my cuticles are all bloody and disgusting. Don't want to hurt them anymore - but I'm leaving them alone in hope to be able to go next week and have a full set of short but pretty french manicured arcylics. This will be a pain in the ass when I decide that I'd rather just have my natural nail and have to go through that paper thin nail crap - but alas I want to feel a little pretty so it's the plan.

Today I'm going with the very cliched boomarang philosophy - let love free and eventually, just maybe it will come back to me.

So yeah, back to singledom.

on a break... not completely single...

2008-10-09T20:05:00.000-05:00

SO I called him - I know,I broke rule #1 of breaking up. But I love him too much just to walk away- I needed him to know I think that it's worth it to work on us and well, Becuase I'm sorry, but he doesn't get to leave me hanging while he goes on a two week hiatus from our relationship for answers to basic questions.
jist of the conversation...
He cares about me and loves me - but something in his own world isn't right and he doesn't know where he is with everything, including me. Not a real defintitive answer to anything was given, but I can now honestly believe that it's not me and stop beating myself up about gaining weight and being moody and not being the prettiest or not being the trophy girlfriend, we all know I'm not graceful enough for that label.

So a little space is needed - I guess I can use this time for me - to start painting again or crochet something. Maybe work on the novel.

If it doesn't work out between us, it's not going to be because I didn't try or care enough. It'll be what it's going to be and right now it's in limbo and I'm sad and scared and hopeful.

So if anyone wants to play me in scramble I'm game!

I've even taken a vacation day tomorrow to sleep in (shocker) and get some crap in Kristen world straightened out.

love is blindsighted

2008-10-09T04:31:00.000-05:00

So I was completely blindsighted last night when Dave had me over to talk.

He didn't really have a reason and couldn't tell me what went wrong other than it's him and not me. That he thinks I'm great and wonderful and that he loves me - but his heart isn't all in it. Then as the evening progressed, he wants to take a break and then talk again in a 2 weeks.

Maybe to see if I'm the root of his unhappiness. Maybe to weigh out bachelorhood vs. commited relationship, Who knows?

WTF.

Where did this come from, I don't know.

I'm sad and hurt and confused because I love him.

My whole take on it is - he either loves me and is scared about the intensity of love or he just doesn't or can't love me.

klutzy awkward moment

2008-09-22T19:55:00.000-05:00

I have so many it's hard to keep track - but today I scared myself.

I was sitting at the picnic table at work - by myself.

The picnic table is attached to a tree - via a cable cord thing. Well somehow I got my leg stuck in the loop and was convinced it was animal caressing my leg.

SO I freak out - my hands go flailing in the air when I've the ibbie jibbies and then I look down and realize that it's the stupic picnic table cord and I'm glad no one is the parking lot and can see me - but I'm sure the people with the window offices in the adjacent building thought I was fire for 3.2 seconds.

sigh. today is just not my day.

secret addiction

2008-09-22T19:52:00.000-05:00

if you haven't guessed I'm trying to bump the pinata down so no one at work sees the fiesta dong.

but my secret new addiction is: klondike bars - so when I'm feeling more motivated, I'll tell you (all 4 of you) what exactly I'd do for a Klondike bar.

website of the day

2008-09-22T19:48:00.000-05:00

like I'll keep up and provide and entertaining link every day...

www.poopreport.com

all thinks poopy.

Check out my friend F.Rey's post: http://www.poopreport.com/Stories/how_to_traumatize_baby_girls.html

tired and lazy and boring

2008-09-22T19:34:00.000-05:00

I should shower. But I'm too lazy. Unmotivated. and smelly.

I should have had lunch. I was hungry. But, again too lazy and unmotivated m&ms and doritos were even tasting a little gross.

I should have done my hair this morning. It was a bad case of bed head. I brushed it and called it good then looked in the mirror hours later and was horrified. I could scare small children with this hair. But alas, too tired and unmotivated.

I should write something mildly entertaining. But I've got nothing, lazy, slothful me. I'm in a funk today. Let's hope it has to do with not sleeping well last night.

This is the first day of autumn - I should enjoy the weather outside after work, nah, who needs outdoors when you have a comfy chair to sit in and play stupid scramble.

I do have some things to write about, but ... like a broken record - too lazy.

magical sunglasses
more about cleavy mcgeee my constant work annoyance
birthday twins
nesting fever/ baby fever - it's happened, the unofficial clock is widening my hips (ok so maybe that's my carb-o-holic diet.) and making me baby crazy.
"parsley" for sale
deardiary
awkward moments
movie review
writing the book -asyou can see my writing blog has been unattended to for quite sometime.
closet smoker.

Until I get motivated though -- this is all I've got.

who would have thought

2008-09-21T09:40:00.000-05:00

Since all of my married friends are married - and my unmarried friends are single, I don't see being a maid of honor in the next year. SOooo I'm going to proposition (tee hee) that we have a party for cinco de mayo just so we can have this amusement:

The Penis Pinata:

Dave's Birthday Extravaganza

2008-09-21T08:46:00.000-05:00

Sooo I love birthdays. I love making a big fuss and getting the perfect gift. Or so I thought.

This year for Dave's birthday -- I was at a loss - I had no idea what to get him.
I googled best boyfriend birthday gifts. I had a couple lame ideas...

1. cologne -- but he already smells so good - ps I love his deodorant more than his cologne. But never the less -- don't fix it if it ain't broke.

2. kitchen crap. i.e. a colander, new toaster, glasses to replace his plastic cups. lameness factor - 10. useful for when I'm cooking dinner and need to strain something 1. ok it's on the veto list.

3. a puppy. cute idea - but it'd be better if he picked the puppy out and gave it to me and then made me move in with him to take care of said creature. preferably small and well behaved along with adorable -- cats are preffered in my book but I've warmed up nicely in our discussions of having a dog in the Wonderland Future that we discuss from time to time.

4. I can paint him a cool picture of a classic car. Who am I kidding I can't paint real things -- I can paint abstract color blobs. And no offense to me - but I wouldn't want one of the only things hanging on his wall to be a crappy ass picture I pretended to paint. Plus - I might have fun doing this - but in the end result would not even be worthy of Country Kitchen art, no refrigerator -- unless it was some mini fridge under the bar - where no can see it refrigerator.

5. crochet him a sweater. again, not going happen - too much time, bad execution of yarn projects that aren't just big rectangles. Plus he's never even used the scarf I made him -- but he has it still - we do use the afghan I made him - it doesn't match his couch but he went out and got a new couch - and I'm sure his thoughts weren't what will match my afghan...

6. bake him peanut butter heart shaped cookies. he loves my peanut butter cookies. but I have not been motivated to bake. alas veto list again.

7. movies. although nice-- also pretty lame.
8. books. although nice-- also pretty lame.

Ahhh! So what in the world do I get the fantastic boyfriend for his 34th birthday?

9. 34 powerballs? nope lame

10. nothing.

But this is the most fabulous result from google:

MANGROOMER Do-It-Yourself Electric Back Hair Shaver

SO what did I get him? Nothing. Well, I made him dinner: Alaskan King Crab and New York Strip Steak, Baked potato, texas toast and then I let him have full reign over the tv.

SO What did we watch. Well, Friday night, we watched a good 35 minutes of Amatures. It's about a bunch of townies making an amature porn. Dave gave up on this attempt of a man-comedy on his own, but I was happy he turned it off. Then on Saturday, we watched a couple episodes of Sunny in Philadelphia and House and the cheesy movie What happens in Vegas. It was a good lazy weekend mostly spent in front of the tv.

For Dave's birthday we went out for breakfast to eat and read the paper. How adorable right? So we sat and read the paper - ate our breakfast, I shared my bacon with him as he didn't have any and I had 5 pieces. Now, I love bacon- but 5 pieces in addition to hasbrowns, eggs and toast is a bit much. So we read the paper and chit chatted over breakfast. I didn't get to do my puzzle but that's ok -
I'm going to pick up a suduko book today or tomorrow so we can do puzzles together. How sick is that?

We lounged around most of the afternoon on Saturday. He took me out for dinner for being so fantastic and not making a huge deal out of his birthday, okay maybe that wasn't the reason - but anyways we went out for dinner and had a Saturday night date. Then I went home cause he had to work overnight last night.

In the Vegas movie, there was bit about putting the toilet seat down, I let him gently know that we can talk about this later since it's his birthday but I think he got the hint, he needs to work on putting it down.

I did sing to him on several occaisons my annoying birthday song. He plugged his ears as expected since my singing voice - well it's not pretty.

The Worst Movie Ever

2008-09-14T19:21:00.000-05:00

Ok so I've seen some pretty bad movies in my day - Requium for a dream, Fight Club, Resevoir Dogs, but the underlying theme in the aforementioned movies has a certain man factor quotient, I can't really think of a bad chick flick - or drama.

However, yesterday while waiting for Drunkaroo to call I watched: Not My Life
with my mom -- it was the saturday afternoon B movie of the day.

I was horrible -- and yet we watched the whole thing. THe acting was bad, the plot was mediocre at best - the star was Andie from dawson's creek - don't really know her real name -

It was horrible and horrific and super dee dooper bad B-c- or D movie - and yet we were engrossed to see how bad it could get.

So if it's ever on -- don't let it suck you in - becuase the end result will be - That suck and I want those 2 hours of my life back.

For more details about this piece of crap movie - in order to avoid watching it:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0827179/

Subway Advice

2008-09-14T18:34:00.001-05:00

I liketo give advice -- sometimes when unwarrented or not needed - but I usualy save my so-called sage advice for my friends. Never to strangers - unless it's more of a helpful hint -- like ps. you have tp on your shoe or you have a bug on you.

I was in subway -- getting lunch - 2 sandwhiches.
I normally get the turkey - but today is not a turkey kind of day - today was a blt kind of day - and the subway by my work always skimps on the bacon. I love bacon but in moderation - so once in awhile I'll indulge.

I got Dave's sandwhich and then ordered my sandwhich - a blt - extra bacon. When I ordered my sandwhich I was the last in line -- not looking very fabulous as I was wearing clothes from friday -- my hair was still we from my shower -- I ended up somehow getting an exfoliating bead from my cleanser in my eye and so my left eye was pink and puffy and causing rapid blinking.

So they guy scoops up a large wad of bacon for heating -- and now I'm aware of the person behind me in line.

"Wow - that's a lot of bacon" weird dude exclaims

"yep. it's more than I imagined" i reply

"What is it for?" weird dude inquires - as the bacon is removed from the microwave aka bacon zapper

The bacon is then placed on my bread and before they can ask me what I want on it -

weird dude inquires : "What elese are you going to get on it?"

"Well it's a blt - so lettuce and tomato"

"Well someone needs to get a gym membership after that sandwhich"

No response - I mean seriously what do you say to that- I'm not grossly obese - I'm now classifing myself as curvy as I've put on some weight this year. I'm not in denial, I've accepted my new soft parts and moved on.

Weird dude is obvious to his devisating commentary as he has his nasty tuna fish white conglomerated goop on his perfectly good bread - totally ruining it with the tuna fish infestation. I hope he gets an overdose of Omeaga 3 fatty goodness and develops a rash similar to that which my cat gets when ever he has fish.

I rattle of my ingrediant requests for Dave's sandwhich and mine -

Weird guy has nothing more to say.

I pay and fill my diet coke and leave.

Weird guy leaves before me - as I had some issues trying to put the lid on my cup without crying.

Weird dude heads to the chiropractic office next door.

I head back home to dave's, crying the whole way home.

the sands of the hour glass

2008-09-14T17:42:00.000-05:00

So yesterday, Dave had some golf thing for work to attend. He asked me to be his designated driver- I dropped him off at the golf course a little before 9 am. He stated that he should be done around 6 but he would call, and we could go out for a Saturday night date night.

Well I went about my day, got my hair cut and my eyebrows and lip waxed - endured the pain an agony for beauty. Came home - vegged out, took a nap. Fixed my hair from the nap -- put on make up and looked super cute for date night.

6: no call, no text.

7: no call, no text.

7:15 I text him inquiring on his best guess for time -- they are eating dinner right now.
I'm slightly irritated at this time, but make a bowl of nacho cheese fiesta soup and eat it since I won't be going out to dinner for date night. But maybe we can catch a late movie.

8:00 Text received - almost done

8:15 I head out the door pull out of the drive way, get around the corner and get another text.

8:16 Text reads something to the effect that there is a benifit and it will be awhile.

9:00 Figure that it will be over with by 9:30 and I'm 20 minutes away so I leave my house.

9:15 Sitting in dark almost empty golf course parking lot, text Dave to tell him I am here when he's done.

9:20 Receive text that he's not there - he's downtown Minneapolis. A good half hour from this dark secluded parking lot in the midst of cornfields.

9:21 Leaving the golf course and calling Dave.

9:21-9:30 Conversation filled with his drunken apologies. I'm irritated, sober and try to be the fantastic girlfriend I am - I offer to pick his drunk ass up but he can't call after 11.

9:45 Arrive at the gas station to get essential pissed off goodies - i.e. diet coke and cigarettes.

10:00 arrive home, watch tv - get fuming mad and ready for bed, feel disappointed and irritated and chaulk it up to stupid boyfirend behavior.

11:00 In bed, retainer in mouth, head on pillow, cat snuggled with me watching SNL.

11:01 Receive text: Do you want to meet me at my house?

11:02 Receive text: Cause if you're not coming over I'll stay at my friend place.

11:03 Sent text: I'll come over - but I'm not putting clothes on I'm in my jammies.

11:04 Yes, I do believe this is the first every booty call from the boyfriend. I'll humor him but he's not getting any tonight.

11:05 Call dave. no answer
11:05 Text dave - Do you want me to come over?

11:06 Receive call - I got a ride home are you coming over?

11:07 yes, I'm coming over, I'll see you in 30 minutes, are you going to be passed out when I get there? "No"

11:10 In my car pulling out of the driveway, receive call from Dave aka Drunkaroo who has been drinking now since 9:30 am. Are you coming over? Yes, I'm in the car - Oh well I just got a text -- I sent that to you before you called earlier. Oh ok - I want you to come over. Ok I'm on my way.

11:45ish Arrive at dave's clad in my pink snow flake fleece pants and wsu t-shirt and green hoodie -- all items pretty much a fashion no no - and when put together I look hideous. My face has been washed and my hair is now a disaster so much for cute date night.

12:00 We're in bed cuddling and he's telling me about his day and how he won an XYZ tee shirt and pocket knife. I proclaim that's amazing since the best thing I get is a safety packet in June for safety month.

12:30 He's still apologizing and smells of alcohol and his deoderant has given out on him. So pleasant. But we make up from our first little fight.

7:00 am He wants to snugggle and make out & be romantic on a Sunday morning.
I mumble to him that if he wakes me up - I'm going to be up and I will make it miserable for him to try and sleep. He persists. We snuggle and fall back asleep.

8:30 He wants to snugggle and make out & be romantic on a Sunday morning.
I mumble to him that if he wakes me up - I'm going to be up and I will make it miserable for him to try and sleep. He persists. We snuggle and fall back asleep.

11:00 I wake up - I know a miracle that I was able to go back to sleep. Tickle fights and the idea of going to lunch is tossed around.

11:30 I get out of bed - get dressed in the clothes I wore on Friday - can't very well go out in the world wearing snow flake pajama pants.

11:31 Look in the mirror and see the disaster that is my hair complete with the 20 products my hair chick used to make me fantastically beautiful - now looks like small animals have taken refuge in my hair. Shower is needed.

12:10 We are both showered - I'm dressed and Dave is in his robe and he wants me to go out an get sandwhiches... he has to call his insurance adjusters for some issue - fine - I go to subway get us our sandwhiches. Have a horrible experience at subway that is going to be a completely separate post.

12:40 I get back - we eat our subs and then he puts on sports so we both take a nap on the couch.

4:00 I get up from the nap - get a diet coke, gather my things tell Dave I have to go do laundry and go home to get ready for the week. He gets up gives me a hug and kiss goodbye.

Camille's Confessions

2008-09-06T07:46:00.000-05:00

SO Camille at work confessed that now that her husband knows about her infidelities - and still wants to be with her, she now has the itch more than ever to be unfaithful.

I scold her and try to deter her from being a grade a bitch of a wife. Somehow, I think this will have no effect.

Is it true: Once a cheater always a scumbag?

I want to believe in the good in everyone - yes, I know how naive and pathetic.

But I really think that she will cheat again. I wish she just leave him then and just go about her unfulfilled fantasies.

Marriage isn't a prison - it's a choice and place to grow with someone - now granted people will often grow apart or move on to greener pastures and I have no idea what marriage is like since I'm not the cool yet. But I know that marriage sucks sometimes -- people get married and there are issues and problems and life shit that gets in the way of the marital bliss phenomenon. That's why we have shows like Desperate Housewives... ha.

A little bit more about Camille, this is her second marriage -- the first one from what I gather was a bad fit and she left the scum bag. Then her and #2 got married after a brief courtship - 6 months or something. A little risky but it's worked for others. Now they have the rug rat crew and cat and some how all that they are as a couple isn't enough for Camille.

She has an addictive personality -- she's gotten several tattoos in the past months - I'm fine with tattoos but more than 2 in a such a short time span screams that she is trying to self soothe in some new way. Same with shopping. She loves to shop - I guess I've given up on shopping, it's just not fun for me anymore. I buy what a need and once in awhile I need what I want and that's how it is.

She's a great friend and I really wish she would just try to get a fix on what is going on that she is being so thrill seeking and destructive to her marriage. I just don't get it.

Farewell to the Canadians

2008-09-06T07:25:00.000-05:00

I've offically moved back to my beloved Texas region at work. Goodbye dark side of the buidling with no windows and goodbye to my "naughty corner" cubical. Good bye Ima Horrible-Boss and good bye snappy canadians who don't like it when I call them with my "state side voice".

It was amazing how happy I was at work yesterday. A little sunshine can make a difference.

So that's a good news, I did have an emotional break down in a meeting with my bosses' bosses office. Alas happiness is bound to be the emotion instead of dread and distain. At least for awhile.

The Rules part 2

2008-09-04T18:34:00.000-05:00

So I'm going to say this -- the Rules are lame and needed to be broken.

I broke down and called Dave yesterday because I had fantastic news.

I'm thinking The Rules apply to only certain people. Or can only be do-able by certain people. I am not one of them. I'm impatient, in love and currently the rules provide me with no real benifit - this was determined after 24 hours of thinking about participating in the rules and then giving up on them completly.

#1) Southerners -- don't ask me why but the Rules are a little step back to the time of Gone With the Wind mixed in with re-run scandals and drama from Dallas.

#2) Delicate creatures -- I'm not delicate-- I'm a creature unlike any other because I can be rude and blunt. I swear and pass gas, and urinate with out abandon anywhere I need to, including the great wide yonder and I'm not going to have a hissy fit if I'm amongst nature and need to drip dry.

#3) Must have the following:

Long flowing hair -- lots of hair flipping and playing with hair tips to seduce in the book. Short to medium frizzy, wavy or poofy hair is no where mentioned or described on how to make it look appealing let alone seductive.

Manicured fingernails: I think the world should feel blessed if I paint them with clear polish. I had pretty fingernails -- but seriously it's not worth the time, money or destruction to my natural nail to have arcylics on and well I'm still bite them when I'm stressed out.

Pedicured feet: My toenails are slivers and although I've tried the press on toe nails-- I think Dave would be slightly disturbed if one popped off while he was tormenting me by tickling my feet -- and frankly that's one rule I'll follow: Do not gross out the boyfriend with toenails falling off in a tickle fight.

High heels: I'm practically falling and tripping over my feet and or shoes when I wear flats. High heels although super adorable, and I've learned how to walk in them -- always result in a) sore feet b) blisters c) swollen or spraigned ankles. I've given up -- I need flats and that's that. I might consider a wedge but nothing like the fun flirty shoes I once wore. Unless of course New Balance or Puma branch out to the high heel market then I might consider but I"m pretty sure they'd be f-ugly.

Lipstick: Plenty of teasing tips with lipstick - but frankly I feel slightly whorish while wearing it, not sure what it is - I'm fine with every other make up product but for my lips I prefer a clear gloss or my all time favorite grape chapstick, or cherry if I can't find the grape one or it went through the wash -- knock on wood.

What are my rules then:

1.
I try not to talk about my period, bloatedness, breast tenderness, gyno appointments, and or anything else medically or biologically affiliated with pretty parts with my love nugget - unless need be for obvious reasons.

2.
I try to mute my burps so they are not the buxom Kristen burps you might be familiar with - they are instead dainty -- but Dave is still alarmed by a 1 on the richter scale of burps. So they are smaller cuter and sometimes funny. But no longer the alphabet or loud booming burps they once were. I've tried - but I physically can not burp a big one in front of him.

Same with farts -- I'll try to excuse myself - but after eating a burito or any other gas inducing foods -- they are bound to happen - so I wait until he fluffs first and then try to be quiet and non-deadly. I will my fluffer farts to be delicate and smell like an ocean breaze. haha- I'm not very skilled at willing them this way - but I will one day percivere.

3. We share the tab -- we don't follow any sort of rhyme or reason but we each take turns. Same with driving. Yes, he still remembers my doors most of the time. I'm not the queen of England so I can't expect that he should get them every time but he's pretty good about it.

4. I do nice things for him and he does nice things for me. i.e. I do the dishes, he remembers to bring up a towel for me at night so when I get up before him I don't have to stumble downstairs and get one in the morning. cute and dorky tenderness, no where mentioned in the rules book...

5. We are open and honest about stuff -- I even have a special "disapproving look" face that he is an expert at identifying.

So my rule is just to be me and not play ridiculous games otherwise I might come off as a weirdo and I'm already a freak of nature.

The Rules

2008-09-02T08:49:00.000-05:00

This is a brief list of the rules from Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider's book titled The Rules:

#1: Be a creature unlike any other: Ok I get that, be confident, alluring etc. I more like a wackadoo but I guess that works - I'm unlike any other right?

#2: Don't talk to a man first (Don't ask him to dance). Ok the speak when spoken to - a little dated and no worries on the dancing part -- this body doesn't dance, maybe it's part of being a creature unlike any other.

#3: Don't stare at Men or Talk to Much. OK I won't look longingly in his eyes and I'll put the babbling brook that is my mouth in check.

#4: Don't meet him halfway or go dutch on a date. Well I normally go to his place- - what am I supposed to do - drive an hour and fifteen minutes home and wait for him to pick me up? That's ridiculous we wouldn't get to dinner until my body was feeding off itself -- maybe that would be the way to go then?

#5: Don't call him and rarely return his calls. I get the don't call him part -- make him call you, wait in misery for the call but not to call him back isn't that rude?

#6: Always end the phone call first. I'm bad at this - I go on and on sometimes. But I guess I can practice this one.

#7: Don't accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday. Shit, I can barely even get a Saturday night date now - especially during classic car show season. But ok -- so Dave has until tonight to a) call me b) make plans for Saturday. grr. I'm going to have another boring weekend.

#8: Fill up your time before the date. I'm past the pretty stage but I guess I could try a little harder to be cute before a date and that would fill up the time.

#9: Always end the date first. Our dates usually end when we get up and go to work in the morning.

#10: Stop dating him if he doesn't buy you a romantic gift for Valentines or your birthday- phew, he's safe he did a great job with both Valentines and Birthday presents.

#11: Don't see him more than once or twice a week. Umm that's the current problem?

#12: No more than casual kissing on the first date. Well we were good kids, I don't think we kissed until the third date.

#13: Don't rush into sex -- well it's happened, don't be alarmed and no it's not going to be given up for the sake of the rules... I need it too much.

#14: Don't tell him what to do. I'll ask nicely and say please.

#15: Let him take the lead. Yep, that's the plan. It usually results in watching tv and cooking for him. Some lead...

#16: Don't expect a man to change or try to change him. Ok, but seriously- if I'm washing the dishes he could at least rinse them.

#17: Don't open up to fast: I'm open, but it's happened over time.

#18: Be honest but Mysterious. Grr these sound like head games... I'm not that good at head games, I'm better at board games.

#19: Don't live with a man - or leave your things at his place. What? That's the goal. Plus, I need certain things at his house for getting ready in the morning.

#20: Don't date a married man. ok. not an issue.

So that's the plan... I don't think I'll last 2 days but that's the plan.

Anniversary Weekend

2008-09-02T07:16:00.000-05:00

SO it was decided that we would celebrate Labor day weekend as anniversary weekend.
I forgot there was 31 days in August so I told Dave weeks ago to pick a day between 21-30. He picked the 31st. So then it was said that I expected two cards then 1 for the 30 and one for the 1st -- just teasing, but really not... We never really had a day when we it was decided what we are. He wanted to go by the first date which is cute - but has already passed and I explained to him that was the day I gave you your watch with the new battery as clocks and watches are tradition for 1 year anniversaries -- ok I left the last part out as to not freak him out. So technically out anniversary is August 6th.

I told him let's not make a big production out of it. Wrong thing to say.

I picked him up a cute card and that bacon chocolate bar. Along with fixings for beef stroganauf and breakfast. It was decided that we would spend the day together Sunday and Monday.

So I got up. Got ready, went to the store ran some errands. Boring Sunday morning crap. Waiting for the phone to ring. I read a book -- which I'll go into more later. 12, no phone call. 1 no phone call, 2, I'm pissed off and no phone call, 3I'm irritated and then it dawns on me -- maybe he's out shopping? quarter to 4 he calls --- There will be no wedding this weekend -- that was the delay, his friend Randy's son was planning on having some sort of shit gun wedding this weekend in Vegas -- and Dave agreed to watch the dog if he needed to leave town. So what's the plan I ask? He said it's up to me -- I hate this - fine if we are going to dinner after work - but jiminey crickets woo me once in awhile it's really not that hard!

SO maybe I was pmsing, mad about wasting a day sitting around waiting for love nugget to call me, and just a little moody in general.

So I go over there -- he's not hungry yet. So we watch bad tv -- hang out on the couch - I give him his card and chocolate bar. He doesn't have a card for me. Now, I know what you are thinking - who cares. I care, I love cards. I can't help it. I'm not asking him to write me a love letter every day of the week - I'm not even expecting a special message , just a nice card - and him signing his name.

So I run to the store pick up a couple things. In the meantime - he does his dishes. I make dinner -- while he watches tv. But he's checking in on me and my progress during dinner - kissing me on the forehead, tickling me etc. so now I'm less mad. We eat, watch tv toddle off to bed ...

We get up the following morning - lay in bed and talk for awhile. I get up and start making breakfast - eggs, hashbrowns, bacon, english muffins. Excited to spend a whole day being lazy with him. No longer irritated, just chalking it up to him being a man and clueless and me being slightly hormonal and expecting him to be a mind reader. But mind you I did text him to tell him I found a funny treat for him. That should have been a clue to at least have a card. oh well.

After breakfast, we shower, talk about politics, and then he proclaims it's time to go -- go where? Well, I can tell you -- or it can be a surprise. I'll take the surprise.

So we are on the way to the unknown, I start guessing and he says "maybe" to everything. Then he proclaims we are going to a car show. I fake pout as I usually do. But we end up at the Minnesota Zoo.

I've been wanting to go -- since it had been forever since I've been but I wanted to have a camera with me -- but no such luck. So we walk the course of the Zoo looking at everything, trying to avoid the bad smelling places. We go everywhere except the Barn yard animals. It was fun - the annoying parents and children were minimal. It was a good time.

We leave and head back -- I suggest going to cold stone for ice cream, he suggests dairy queen since it's lighter. I rarely crave ice cream so ok fine dairy queen works. We head home, eat our ice cream and then I proclaim it's nap time. I take a nap on the couch - he moves to his chair, watches some tv. I get up about an hour later -- he moves to the couch to take his nap and I move to the chair.

Then we talk about his lack of card for said anniversary. He said we agreed not to make a big deal about it - so I pouted and said yes, that's true but you know I love cards. Remember the Valentines episode, he neglected to get me a card then too... So I say well a card and flowers or candies would have been nice.

I say I'm going to get going - I have laundry and all sorts of junk to take care of, inquire when would be good this week to get together. Maybe Thursday, I request a regular date night like Friday or Saturday - he doesn't have any plans yet so most likely. I head home. But first he hugs me and tells me he's an anaconda then fluffs my hair and tells me he's a bat. Then kisses me good bye.

SO now, onto the book I read while I was waiting for him...

I read "The Rules" some of which is completely unreasonable but some is worth a try -- I don't know how successful I'll be playing the rules now that we've been together for year but I'm going to give it a shot. I'll post a separate post going into detail about the rules...

Really?

2008-08-30T22:12:00.000-05:00

So I live with my family -- but when I lived with roommates I had a great time - sure we had fights over the dishes - or my shoulder was soggy from a particular crier. But overall I was blessed with good roommates. Sure I have my favorites and my least favorite but overall I was able to live with everyone just fine. No murders took place at any of the places I resided and all things friendships were in place at the end of the lease.

My sister however -- has had some issues.

She's in her final year at school and she's had some humdinger roommates.

#1: Blooming Prairie girl - I don't remember the name she had but I remember the town she lived in, selective memory at it's finest. She built a fort in the dorm room and hid all of her belongings in said fort and would go home (less than an hour away) for weeks at a time and completely ignore my sister. She eventually dropped out.

#2: Her friend Franny and her lived together or 2 years. They've known eachother since highschool and the first year went ok, but the second year ended badly when Franny made friends with Sunnie and Daisy the cheerful girls they were... the three of them ignored my sister for the last 4 months of livign together and didn't tell her that they were moving out at the end of the lease. They just up and moved.

Obviously I'm biased for my sister -- I've lived with her. I know she has her moments- we shared a room for a number of years but in general she's a great roommate -- a little bit of a neat freak - but overall she's just has pms moments like the rest of us and she just happens to like everything in a certain place... she got made when the spice rack wasn't in the correct order when she went to make cookies, maybe she had a moment and ticked someone off - but seriously who can hold a grudge over an out burst over a spice rack ( the following example is only used as an imaginitive illustration and no spices were harmed and or out of order to the best of my knowlege.)

#3 She just acquired some new roommates a couple weeks ago. One girl is from Oklahoma and from what Peewee (my adorable sissy) said, she's quite the charachter. She has a long distance boyfriend. She doesn't go to school. She shows Peewee all of her groceries. She has a lisp. Her sister lives in the apartment building adjacent to the one my sister and Annie Oakley (Oklahoma girl, not even sure where the really Annie was from but I had a moment of the word association going on in my head, apologies for any inacuracies) but here is the kicker -- she brought her dolls with her to her apartment. She has a collection of China dolls and she has them on display in her bedroom.

Now, I have some china dolls, they are cute and pretty and loved them to death when I was 9. Now they are with my sister's china dolls on top of the piano, down stairs with various other knick knacks...

Just have patience my dear sissy, have some patients.

Awkward Moment of the Week

2008-08-30T21:21:00.000-05:00

Looks like another death themed awkward moment. I'll hopefully have a more chipper awkward moment next week. Apologies for the downer topic.

Ok so there is this sorta new girl at work - we call her Cleavy McGee cause she has no concept of what the appropriate dress code entails and some how showing us her saggy mid life crisis wrinkly boobs is the icing on the cake. I've blogged about her before but not sure what alias I gave her then.

So her husband's grandma died. Now I'm not an unsympathetic person by any means - I am sorry for her and her family's loss. But she dominates almost all conversations at break at our beloved picnic table. She's "has" everything, she's "done" everything bigger, better and with more vicissitude than anyone else. Except when the topic turns to sex toys than she just sits there. In a nut shell she drives me crazy. Just be quiet and listen Cleavy. Don't interject your none-sense becuase we all hate you. (OK that made me feel a little better -- see the anger coming out! XYZ Anger Management )

So she is a self proclaimed expert on all things. Including funeral planning.
First off, my dad just past away 3 mo. ago and I don't always want to talk about it - esp. at work. But alas she has brought up the conversation. So she asked how much it cost. OK rude, If it were a pair of shoes, ok fine, still rude, a airplane ticket or gallon of gas, ok rude but understandable in the econmic times we live in. But funeral costs aren't exactly something to talk about over 15 minutes away from the compute screen. But I'm pretty straightfoward with everyone and some how have this badge of obligation to answer a question when asked, So I told her - and then she went on and on how the standard burial is better for the family and friends to process the loss vs. a cremation/ memorial.

So basically, in her "I'm better than everyone" sensability - she tells me "That's too bad that you had to cremate him a proper burial would have been better." I repeat to her how he didn't want to be buried. He wanted to be cremated and how you really have to respect the wishes of the person who has passed. Well, her husbands grandma also wanted to be cremated but they aren't doing that they are going to have the traditional burial. After all she won't know and it's really for the people who are left!

Can you believe this -- My family is crappy cause we didn't spend 10K on a "proper" burial and church hoopla - cause my dad wanted to be cremated and was an atheist. I didn't go into that last detail with her because I don't discuss faith at work even on breaks, too many people out there trying to convert.

But her family is fantastic because they are disregarding all last wishes for their beloved grandmother. And having a ridiculous pompus funeral.

I liked what we did for my dad, it was simple: flowers, urn, stories, pictures and comfortable, it allowed around 250 people to trickle in and out and it was really quite nice and I'd want something very similar for myself.

So I get mad and ignore Cleavy.

Went to lunch at Leann Chin with some friends. And who the heck shows up there -- as we are done eating? None other than Cleavy McGee. So in my blatant bluntness proclaim to the table that it is time to go. Loud enough for Cleavy to hear. Gigi and Feather finish their food and we bust out of Leann Chin's just in the nick of time.

Hope she got a rotten fortune.

patience please

2008-08-30T21:18:00.000-05:00

I know, what is with the color change -- well, I've been looking for a cuter blog template like dear Ava has but I am unsatisfied with what is already out there pre-made and frankly I'm too lazy to do anything but update my colors on my curent template. So maybe one day I'll have a cutesy blog but today is not that day.

World Market

2008-08-30T18:10:00.000-05:00

So I went to World Market today with my mom. She needed sherry vinegar and I love stores that have weird crap that you don't see at target and wal-mart.

So I had a sweet tooth while I was there and they have a section for international candies. I bought a bag of Lindt truffles in a new variety: stracciatella and then I found hte perfect candy for Dave.

Dave generally doesn't like candy bars unless they have some substance in them -- like peanuts, carmel, nougat -- he likes baby ruths, snickers, peanut m&ms... but today I found the candy bar of his dreams.

Yes, that's right -- bacon and chocolate: Mo's Bacon Bar.

Now, I'm jsut trying to think of what else to get him for our aniversary - since we haven't celebrated it yet -- and we decided to do so this weekend.

Retail Therapy

2008-08-30T18:02:00.000-05:00

So I know you won't believe it -- but it's been almost 1.5 years since I bought a new purse. I know -- crazy. But the last purse spree I stocked up and had a couple handbags that I rotated properly and now I have this medium brown matches everything handbag -- that well has seen better days. Something has spilled insdie and stained the leather- most of the zippers and snaps work - the handles are still in adequate condition but overall the bag looks like it got into a couple fights with car doors, jamba juice spills, rain, sleet, and the abonimal snow man.

SO I went shopping with Camille one day for lunch - she wanted to look at the purses at TJ Max, which is a great place to look -- once in awhile but most of the time they are crap. But I wasn't looking -- and there it was. A wonderful dark brown - perfect for fall handbag. It's part suede and part glossy but not patent leather -- cute straps - silver detailing big enough and then some to hold all my crap.

I haven't been shopping for me, aside from the essentials -- I've been taking care of a household and I guess I just forgot that I need to buy Kristen something once in awhile, (aside from pre packaged hanes her way underwear, oh the shame.) because I was so happy after I bought it. Giddy almost.

Green with Envy

2008-08-30T17:37:00.000-05:00

Sooo this week I found out that my friend Feather at work will be celebrating her last day at XYZ on Wednesday. Not only that but she will be moving, and moving in with her boyfriend Teddy Ruxspin.

I'm jealous for a million reasons -- 1. She doesn't have to deal with Ima Horrible-Person, our boss and the whole XYZ land of insanity. 2. I want to move or move in with Dave but in due time I suppose, can't rush these things and it's only been a year of bliss - although Feather and Teddy have only been together 9 mo. -- different time tables I suppose. 3. She gets to leave XYZ.

So I'm very unhappy at my job right now. In fact every morning I wake up and try to come up with a creative way to call in sick. But then realize that one only has a certain number of allotted sick days and well it's sinus season so I'm bound to get a sinus infection and actually need to use them -- then I have to force myself to go. I put on my happy face and step into the office -- within about 5 minutes I physically feel ill and have to do all I can not to run out the door.

I don't know what it is -- but ever since they moved me over to the Canadian side of things the wee bit of happiness that I am capable of feeling has been sucked out of me and I am becoming bitter, cynical and angry. The source of this could be a variety of things, the Canadians, Ima, and just the tall gray-green cubes that prevent anyone from seeing anyone all darn day, including people, sunlight and or a fax machine. No chit chat on the dark side. No words of encouragement - not that I feed off of that stuff but it is a nice icing on the cake of crud I call work. I'm just unhappy and dread work. I know - everybody hates their job, but seriously I have never been filled with so much disdain.

I used to love work -- I've always loved work and even when I was working in the portable toilet industry - I loved my shitty job. But this - this is not something I signed up for. 1. My boss has told me that I'm a small thinker and that I'm thinking inside a box and she doesn't know how to tell me how to change. And seriously get some new material for telling people in a PC way you think they are stupid, Taco Bell slogans aren't cutting the cake.

I'm a glorified bill collector. I call people (not even real people but businesses - as XYZ doesn't deal with the public at large but only commercial companies) and ask them nicely to pay their bills. Resolve issues and some how I don't even see where this profession has a box. It's not rocket science, it's common sense. One minute they tell me I'm calling them too much, stop faxing statements (Mind you a statement can take 14 days to reach some of the people in Canada - the mail system up there is f-d up)pardon me for being proactive. Then the next minute they want to know why my moring calls have slowed down -- hello these Canadians are on different time zones. I'm not going to call when it's 6:30 in British Columbia, talk to some janitor or maintenance worker who wouldn't know how to transfer me to voicemail if his life depended on it.

So I'm unofficially looking. But in the meantime expressed my unhappiness to Ima and to my old boss and I have an appointment to talk to the head of our office on Wednesday. I'd gladly move back to Texas - and try to go back to normal.

lame

2008-08-29T19:47:00.001-05:00

so yeah, I've been lacking in the blogging department -- I'll try and catch up with some worthy reads tommorrow. right now though the benadryl is winning and i'm so sleepy and everything is fuzzy and i'm still sneezing. ciao for now.

Squirrels

2008-08-29T19:28:00.000-05:00

Ok so off of the deck there are a couple bird feeders.

The squirrels have figured out how to get the food and gorge.

So they run up and down the railing of the deck.

My brother and I were hanging out in the kitchen and he was getting irritated with the animal embracing the balance beam.

I told him that squirrel is an Olympic squirrel and to just calm down.

We then deems that

acorns = bronze

cashews = silver

and

tada

walnuts = bronze

too bad the little squirrel is only getting bird seed.

Cows Pointing North

2008-08-29T19:10:00.000-05:00

So today on the radio (regular local music station not npr) they were discussing how scientists now belive that cows automatically face north. So they had callers calling in talking about which way cows were facing.

So really there are a couple of morons out there that like to track cows.
and then a couple of morons who call into the radio to tell them which ways cows are pointing as they see them on the various patches of farmland scattered on the outskirts of the metro area....

I should have been listening to npr.

I'm a crappy friend

2008-08-25T20:33:00.000-05:00

Tonight I had a cribbage game with Mike planned. We meet at the same dunns brothers -- and we always play a couple games, talk about life and crap and it's good fun.

Well today, I've had a headache most of the day and my ears hurt from my sinuses hurting - but I took an advil earlier this afternoon (I rarely take OTC drugs cause I'm a freak and don't like to take them).

It must have been a combination of things, my headache, my allergies, my hunger pains - jamba juice is good but can't sustain a person all day, but mostly I just wanted to wear sweatpants and have soft kleenex to blow my nose and eat something.

It was a hunger I couldn't explain -- like if I didn't eat within the next 5 minutes I was almost certain I would perish. I did'nt perrish. I came home got in my sweat pants and made some dinner. Still have the headache and lots of sneezyness.

But now I feel bad about only playing one game -- and that I won so Mike couldn't even try to win round two. I feel bad that he had an offer for dinner with his mom and passed it up to play a game with me and then I bail cause I didn't eat my 3 oclock snack.

So I'm sorry Mike, I don't mean to be a crappy friend an I'm sorry I'm so yawny and lame on the weekend nights we play.

you'll never believe it

2008-08-25T20:08:00.000-05:00

Something has happened. Okay yes, I've gained 10 pounds/2.50 pant sizes for every extension I've had at XYZ Company. (That'd be 4 extension changes in 3 years, this math isn't complicated, it's sad.) But on the brighter side of things -- I have a new found appreciation for sweat pants.

But that's not the news either. When I started at XYZ I had finally grew out the permed cherub look I annointed myself with in college. I had cute hair and I'm not sure what exactly possessed me to chop it off into a pixie cut that - inadvertantly did not allow me to wear polo shirts (a business causual office attire staple, since we are required to either wear a collar or a sweater - both is an option since I freeze to death in the ice-cubical.) without looking like a teenage boy wearing his sister's bra with some exoctic fruit in the cups. I also started growing back my eyebrows -- a whole other story, that is slightly medically related to my teeter totter thyroid issues.

Ok so I chopped my hair. Gained some weight plus some more. Grew my eyebrows back. Got rid of the braces and ta-da have successfully grownout my hair -- so now I can curl it in cute curls - not frizzy cherub perm curls and I'm half an inch away from sporting the coveted pony tail. ( I would post a picture -- but I have ruined my usb ports and {am currently shopping but indescisive on a new computer since this one is aboue to die} they now no longer talk to my camera. But now I can at least be girly -- but this is not the news... the most unexpected thing has happened.

I started wearing make-up on a daily basis. Not a lot, since I didn't want to go from plain normal just clean and nothing super spectacular face to whamo pizzamo - drag queen try-out make up face. So, yes, I now have to put my face on in the morning. But you know what, it does wonders for hiding any sort of mild depression I might have. Don't fret, I'm really fine -- I just have more crappy days than I used to, BD. (Before Dad) And I'm not a wallower so maybe this new beauty time in the morning just makes me feel more put together that I sometimes feel in the morning or on the inside.

Bird Business

2008-08-24T12:16:00.000-05:00

So when my dad was alive he was constantly popping from window to window to see the wildlife frolicking in the back yard. We made fun of him for this - in the nicest way possible. Once in awhile he'd have to shoot at something like a woodchuck.

I'm in the north metro area, not quite suburbs, not quite country. We have neighbors and traffic signs but the nearest stop light is a couple miles away. People shoot things out here, it's somewhat normal.

So anyways his window popping is now my mother's new hobby. She bought some bird feeders and a bird bath and wants binoculars for christmas --

Well, it's great,she has a hobby. She hasn't wanted to do much with her garden this year but this way she can watch the birds. Then call to me and my brother to come and see.

The critter patrol: We get deer, bunnies, squirrels, the neighbors dog and cat in our yard. All will vanish once spotted except for the squirrels.

The birds: My mom is so excited about the cardinals and blue birds, and finches and orioles, the woodpeckers and all the other pretty birds that some how she fails to recognize that the 400 black birds in the yard is quite disgusting.

No I am not exaggerating. I thought I was in a Hitchcock film - when I'm just sitting here in the kitchen.

My cats get jelouse when she goes outside to fill the feeders.
The squirrels have some how managed to figure out how to get the food from the squirrel proof feaders and this makes my mother mad.

So she will scream out the window - instructing the squirrels in a stern voice to get out and get down.

Then the other night - we had a cricket outside the kitchen window, chriping away as crickets do. My cat was going ape shit wanting to kill the shrill sound and my mother - sternly yell'd out the window to stop chirping. The cricket however did not respond.

This behavior has been repeated over and over -- I got up - sick of my mom and now my brother yelling out the window like morons at an insect that doesn't even have an acorn for a brain. I simply shut the window and then there was silence. No more chirrping annoying cricket.

All for the Dominoes delivery person

2008-08-24T11:47:00.000-05:00

Soo my brother just ordered pizza.

He asked me to get the door when it came -- In my sisterly voice refused.. I can be a brat sometimes. Oh well.

So he said gosh - I need to shower then.

Shower to get the pizza when it comes to the door? Are you that vain?

I'm not vain - I just don't want to look like a bum who eats pizza all day.

So I agreed to get the door -- he wouldn't have that -- noo

Instead he decided to get the pizza in his underwear. I guess if you aren't going to shower for the delivery person - you might as well forget to put on clothes too.

So much for vanity and looking like bum...

adorable pin ups

2008-08-23T13:47:00.000-05:00

So I was cleaning my room and found this box I decoupaged forever ago with halfa million pin up girls scattered all over it for cheeky decorative art.

And I love them -- they are so cheesy and cute and funny. So I brought some of Elvgren's girls to live over here on my blog.

For more: http://elvgrenpinup.com

Awkward Moment of the Week

2008-08-23T09:53:00.000-05:00

So it's been three months since my dad died. My mom has decided that she wants to wait to intern his ashes until she passes so they can be buried together. Okay that's fine, it's her choice.

So there have been a slew of people at the office that have recently lost parents. I was talking to Steve one of my co-workers about grief since he just lost his mom. Steve and Jim used to be my cube mates -- and they've always been my work dads -- wanting to know if the boyfriend is good enough, random happenings etc -- caring and protecting of moi- Punky Poo. So Steve and I get into a conversation about loss.

And pretty soon we are sitting there talking about cemetary plots, rules and regulations for certain cemetaries. Cremation vs. Full Burials. Nosy people wanting to know about wills and finances etc.

Steve O said he wished that Dave could have met my Dad cause it would have been a great story to hear. and here I am -- trying to keep it together.

Creating another awkward moment for the office.

NPR

2008-08-23T09:35:00.000-05:00

Ok so it all started awhile back -- some friends made me listen to npr podcasts for an unreasonable amount of time.

Something happenned -- I think I was hypnotized or subliminal message has had an effect on me but now with out at least 8 hours of NPR goodness a day I simply can't function.

So yes, my nerdieness has reached another high -- I love npr and pbs.

SO this week on the radio there was this big dicussion about alcohol and turning back the age to 18 -- of course it was else where but I mostly just listened to the discussion on the radio.

Ok so everyone drinks before 21. For me I don't know I was 15 or something when I went on a bike ride with Julie over to Maxine's house -- we had a couple grasshoppers - or maybe just one but, we were silly and then I had to bike ride the 6 miles back to my house (yes, I was a big bike rider in those days... 6 miles was nothing back then... ) We had some difficulties a little swerving action but we were fine by the time we rented movies and went to go watch them...

Then when I turned 18 my mom, myself and my friend Sonya hung out in my kitchen drinking boons farm, smoking cigarettes and scratching off lottery tickets. Party of the year it was not, but it was a good time.

I guess I'm more relaxed with drinking age- if people are taught that you should just be responsible don't get out of hand have some fun. Maybe it's because my dad was a recovering alcholic for the majority of his life and alcholism runs in our family, pretty thick on both sides and since we were old enough to understand it - it's been talked about in our house. And my siblings and I seem to be pretty well balanced in the booze department. My brother however made this proclaimation before he was 21 that he would never drink a drop -- that didn't stick but we were all taught that you can have some fun but should be able to function.

So yeah -- bring down the age -- after a few year the kids will get over it and maybe it won't be such a center stage for everything.

The Bathroom Conspiracy

2008-08-17T20:18:00.000-05:00

So I'm convinced that David has some sort of fear - similar to my brother's in that it revolves soley around toilet paper.

I'm convinced he waits until the upstairs bathroom is running low on toilet paper and then uses the downstairs bathroom and visa versa - and this continues until I go in the bathroom and use the last measly square on the roll, and then change the roll.

Is it really that hard?

He also has difficulty putting the seat down. But it is his house and his toilet so I don't press the issue but I make a note to always leave it down and put down the lid after I'm done.

If this is our only quasi fight then be it.

There is also the issue of the towels. He complains that I leave random towels throughout the house - on the back of the chair in the kitchen - on the floor in the bedroom on the loveseat on the back of doorknob not connected to the bathroom.

I explain that he doesn't have a towel rack and it would be a act of God if I could reach high enough to throw the towel over the shower curtain like he does. He just shakes his head.

Maybe I'll start hanging the towel up in an appropriate place when starts changing the toilet paper and putting the seat down so If I go on a tinkle mission at 2 am and don't turn on the light my fanny doesn't get wet.

Really?

2008-08-17T20:07:00.000-05:00

So, today has been a lame day. Pretty relaxing but lame. I've spent way too much time spent online. I've wasted a couple hours reading random blogs. I've come to a conclusion.

If I am ever feeling hormonal or sappy I should just read a bad mom blog. Now, on my blog roll I have included some entertaining blogs that might be written by moms - however they don't turn their blog into a cyber fridge to post every gurgle, crappy picture, and or dirty diaper report about their child on the ever magnificant www.

This is excellent birth control, reading about poop and barf and all the other gross stuff. But then their are the cutsie stories that get me all baby happy and I have to sing my no - babies mantra.

Yes, I realize this might sound cold, or cruel -- but although your life changes once you enter the mama hood it doesn't take over your whole identity, or does it? I'd like to think I'd be a real person too after having babies (9 year plan) (haha)

Aside from mom blogs there are alot of green blogs. Really? You could have saved 100 feet a rainforrest sending crappy flowers to all your friends on facebook and have a cute virtual garden by the time you created and made all those greenie posts. I'm not green but I do love the little green patch - I do it for the flowers not the earth. I'm too lazy to be green. I seperate my cans from the trash but that's about it.

So anyways, after reading all of the blogs I popped in on today - I'll apologize if my content is ever lacking and or disappointing. But sometimes life is lame and uneventful like a Sunday afternoon and I feel the need to share my lameness in hope that something less lame comes around.

Awkward Moment of the Week

2008-08-17T16:50:00.000-05:00

Awkward Moment of the Week. So I sometimes find myself in awkward situations, often these situation are not self enduced - sometimes they are, bygones. So I'm going to pick one to share every week. Yes, my fodder for blogs is depleated at the moment.

I have a regular lunch buddy. Camille and I used to sit next adjacent to one another - but then I got moved to the other side of the building and so we don't see much of eachother now. So anyways for the last year or so we've been going to lunch together. We complain and gripe about the office happenings, talk about happenings on our home fromts. We're good friends and have fun at work and outside of work - when she drags me to the gym -- ok that was one time.

Camille has a few rug rats at home and a loving husband, but somehow she had a lapse of judgement, wanted some sort of singledom freedom and has cheated on her husband Fletcher. Well this week Camille and I were talking about lunch and Monday was bad, I had a dr. appointment. Tuesday was Lisa's birthday and I was taking her out to lunch with Maggie. So Wednesday came along and we were due for lunch.

Well wednesday came along and she buzzed me:

Buzz:
K: Yo.
C: What's for lunch?
K: Let's Jambafiy ourselves ( Gotta love Jamba Juice)
C: Ok cool, you mind if Fletcher comes too?
K: uh, yah sure
C: noon then?
K: My time of day.
C: hardee har har
K: K later.

Shit. What the hell did I agree to? Oh well it's really only an hour of my life.

I've only briefly met Fletcher -- he seems like a nice enough husband. He's a saint for putting up with Camille's infedility.

SO it wasn't as bad as I imagined. We got our Jambas and I proceeded to tell funny stories about a recent emotional breakdown caused by a missing a bc. pill and taking two in one day. Hormone overload! But basically I was so nervous about the possibility of awkwardness I just started babaling and made lunch all about me -- until I found out they just got a cat and well then I had to ask all about the cat!

We nearly finished our Jamba's and now were heading back to the office.

A couple days later - I find out that now Fletcher is begining to consider a semi-quasi sort of open relationship. And he's sending her flowers. I don't know what to think. Now, that's an awkward moment. haha. ok lame. sorry. I'll stop now.

Ace of Base

2008-08-17T12:45:00.000-05:00

So the other day I was in the car and yes, I'm one of those people that sings in the car. I do it to pass the time, to torture myself and for a variety of other reasons.

So on came an Ace of Base song and there I was in the car jamming out. But then the stupid song got stuck in my head.

I saw the sign and opened up my mind I saw the sign.

What a horrible song to have in your head. SO horrible in fact that I sacrificed quality music time to listed to some NPR.

But no, 3 days later I still have the stupid song in my head.

The Bottomless Pit

2008-08-17T12:28:00.000-05:00

So, after reading a few of my entries you might think that I have a mild addiction to food. Well, I like food -- and in most instances I eat in moderation. I do have indulgences that need to be met i.e. chocolate, diet coke, salty treats to counteract the large quantities of sweets.

But seriously, I eat in moderation and generally enjoy food. However, my brother seems to think that a nutrious breakfast constitutes eating brats or hamburgers? Every day during the week he sticks to his high fiber oatmeal or oatmealesque dry cereals. But on the weekends -- he eats meat for breakfast. I just don't understand this. But, afterall I had a slice of French Silk pie for breakfast -- what? I wanted to eat it before the bottomless pit I call my brother got to it.

More random facts about my brother since I haven't really blogged about him. He's sick and wrong in so many ways, but we all love him just the same.

1) He likes to run. This is almost proof that he was dropped off by a stork instead of being blood related to our family. No body likes to run.

2) He likes old fuddy music -- he's 24 he goes to jazz concerts and likes Chic Korea in ways I will never understand.

3.) He eats alot -- maybe it's because he runs... maybe he just loves eating brats, burgers and other dinner time food for breakfast? But I know I have to put my name on the Klondike bars if I want to have any for dessert.

4.) He's embarrassed to buy toilet paper. So I've been tryign to help him overcome his fear by not buying it for the house -- I don't think this is working cause my mom ultimately feels bad about him getting blush faced when he has to buy it -- I mean seriously -- there are way worse things to buy and get embarrassed about. Maybe it's that we buy the super jumbo pack -- and he just doesn't want the world to know that he shits - like everyone else.

5.) He talks to much. He's an expert on most things and frankly it gets a little annoying when I want some piece n quite and he wants to have a political debate. Hellooo I'm trying to beat my scramble score - don't talk to me!

Olympics

2008-08-17T10:05:00.000-05:00

So I've been watching the Olympics -- Like I do every 4 years. I've always loved them. Maybe, I've convinced myself that watching them is just as healthy as training in the events.

I have been caught up in the swimming events and even with all the medals for the USA -- I still want to watch more. I get really into it -- yelling at the TV. Leaning my body when it gets close to the end, now that I tell you is almost aerobic.

Michael Phelps has done an amazing thing. And Dara Torres - for being in her 40's is also pretty amazing.

So yeah, that's why there has been a lack of blogging -- I've been working out -- sitting in my bed, drinking diet coke and eating icecream, leaning from time to time as the swimmers swim.

This is my one step for progress. I should know better - afterall I had to run out and buy new pants since my other pants just don't seem to fit properly anymore... guess I should probably lay off the icecream, but I was unable to eat it for so many years because I had a case of lactose intollerance that has been magically lifted. So I'm just making up for lost time.

Pineapple Express

2008-08-17T10:04:00.000-05:00

The first 30 minutes were funny -- but then I just wanted to sneak away from Dave and go see sisterhood of the traveling pants.

This is a man movie. A stoner movie. And frankly a disappointment. two stars.

XYZ Fun Day

2008-08-17T09:39:00.000-05:00

It was awhile ago now.. but well worth the wait.

If you've ever watched The Office. It is pretty accurate description of the office I work in -- only add 35 additional characters to the mix.

Soo in an effort to boost the moral of us glorified bill collectors they had a summer fun day. This included our bosses grilling brick like hamburgers bought in bluk at costco -- they could have been expired but I was unable to check the packaging.

So we had all sorts of goodies to eat, burgers, hot dogs, all the picnicesque side dishes, cake, fruit tray etc. After we went to lunch at our designated times -- we would digest for an hour and then fun would begin.

XYZ had games for us to play. Ring Toss. Watermelon and Jalepeno eating contest. Ladder Golf and yes, a water balloon fight.

I'm sorry-- but I don't like participating in activities, let along physical ones with my co-workers - especially involving some sort of skill or tactile response. I'm just too klutzy for that business -- so I brought a lawn chair like several of my other co-workers who were too cool to participate. And we enjoyed our hour in the sun - smoking and talking - making comments about the XYZ Olympics.

The ring toss -- now I'm not excatly sure who picked this up -- but it wasn't the normal ring toss. It was an enflated shark - as if it were to be used in a pool. Needless to say no one played it. It just say abandonned on the grass.

The water balloon toss. Yes, this might be great fun if you were in comfy clothes or didn't want to get wet -- but mind you we all had to return to our desks to sit for a couple hours before we went home and I'm sorry but sitting around in wet clothes for 2 hours at my desk and another hour for my commute -- it just didn't sound appealing. Granted I could have brought a change a clothes as reconmended -- but alas I don't like changing my clothes at work -- I just can't picture myself half naked in the disgusting bathroom, so no thank you. Some people played they had fun and were ultimately surprised when they got wet. Shocking- water balloons hold water, and they break and you get wet. This is not a mystery of the world. But yet that was the reaction.

The eating contest. If they would have had a Bonzai Burger from Red Robin eating contest -- or a big mac contest -- I would have won hands down. But eating watermelon - that will only result in my peeing every 4.5 minutes instead of my average 17.5 minutes so I passed. But I did eat one piece and didn't swallow any seeds either -- cause I didn't want a watermelon to grow in my stomach - I have a hard enough time fitting into my pants. Jalepenos -- eww. That was for the manly men to prove they like things hot. Gross. Especially with all the news about jalepenos causing the ecoli virus. Ish cabibble.

Ladder Golf. This actually looked fun. Two balls on a string throwing them to get them to wrap around a upright ladder if you will. There were several jokes from my co-workers and manager about them being blue balls -- ha ha . Guess I work with people equally perverted and lapsing into jr. high moments. haha blue balls. But the guys were kinda hogging the game and I'm so klutzy I know that if I threw the blue balls -- they would have hit someone in the head -- and then the freudian slips would never cease.

So I sat- with a group of non participators. It was a nice day.

Wonder what it would have been like with hot firey coals to cross?

Read ME Now!

2008-08-12T19:36:00.000-05:00

So if you are looking for a fantastic read --

I strongly reconmend that you pick up anything and everything by Laurie Notaro.

If you want to laugh that is -- I was laughing so hard last night as she described peeing into a fishing net while trying to catch kidney stones -- that I myself almost pee'd my pants.

You really must read her.

I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies): True Tales of a Loudmouth Girl by Laurie Notaro (the one I'm reading now)

The Idiot Girl and the Flaming Tantrum of Death: Reflections on Revenge, Germophobia, and Laser Hair Removal by Laurie Notaro

The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club: True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life by Laurie Notaro

There's a (Slight) Chance I Might Be Going to Hell: A Novel of Sewer Pipes, Pageant Queens, and Big Trouble by Laurie Notaro

We Thought You Would Be Prettier: True Tales of the Dorkiest Girl Alive by Laurie Notaro (hillarious)

An Idiot Girl's Christmas: True Tales from the Top of the Naughty List by Laurie Notaro

Autobiography of a Fat Bride: True Tales of a Pretend Adulthood by Laurie Notaro

SO it's finally happened...

2008-08-12T18:45:00.000-05:00

I do not have a poker face. I tell it like it is. I use body language to express myself. I am not a girly girl with magical purple and pink princess powers. I am however terrified of critters.

Now, I have some irrational fears, I know this, yet I still have them. I know that I am bigger and more mightier than the meager mouse, smarter than the average bat, and I have legs and arms so I have exponentially a larger quotient of appendages than any snake. Plus even at my small stature of being 4-11 and 3/4 (can't forget that part)

So despite all that I have in my favor against the critters in criterville -- I am still terrified.

So frightened that in face -- I see spots, sweat and shriek with out any sound coming out as if my body is in such shock it is unable to make noise.

Well Dave and I were heading out to grab dinner -- and there I see it-
Small beady eyes -- long skinny tail -- small brown body.. It's a mouse-- I scurry away and it stays perfectly still -- It could even be dead -- but In addition to my reflexes of silly erratic "get me the hell out of here ASAP" dance and prance -- arms flailing in the air -- the silent shriek- the bells in my ears -- the spots in my eyes and the sweat --- now I'm also gagging. Gagging over a mouse- this is ridiculous and apparently sooo funny in Dave's eyes that he wants to run in and get a video camera to have a reenactment. No, thank you - this delicate flower will have none of that. But it's happened --- Dave has seen me do the ridiculous dance and gag over my ridiculous fear. And so I asked him if he had any irrational fears -- his manly reply is no.

Product Review

2008-08-11T20:04:00.000-05:00

The Ped Egg.

It's a cheese grater for your feet.

and it's wonderful. It removed the dead skin from your feet with ease and lets you look at all the disgusting dead skin cells.

for 10.00 it's a steal!

Ankles and Anvils

2008-08-11T19:28:00.000-05:00

*some of the details have been changed to protect, well, me.

I found a tumor in my ankle back in October. I went to the urgent care, saw a nurse practioner as it was swollen and hurt. They put me on antibiotics and sent me away.

Well it turns out - it wasn't a tumor just a bubble, if you will of ankle fluid. After taking my Rx the bubble was popped and felt better although never completly disappeared.

So now, the bubble has blown up again -- and I went to the doctor, not a nurse practioner -- I want someone who is not going to disregard my concerns and make fill a RX cause it's the easiest way to clear a body from an exam room.

This is a me on the phone:

Good Morning, I need to make an appointment with a doctor.
I have a anvil sized ballon inflated in my ankle.

Ok Moran-ski can see you on Monday.

Ok.

--

So I go to the clinic -- I wait in the uncomfortable chairs.

I meet with the nurse. I tell her I now have two issues -- I have the anvil in my ankle but I have an pea pod in my hip.

We go through my history -- boring crap

I get into the lovely paper gown to demonstrate that anvil has been hidden by my pants.

Then the Dr. comes in --

She doesn't look like a doctor.

She looks like a hippie.

I tell her my issues ... She is not a Doctor - but a stupid Nurse Practioner.

I try and describe the anvil in my ankle and she types it up in the computer.

Finally after 20 minutes of describing my issue with the anvil as I'm in my highly fashionable gown, she's finally ready to look at it.

She looks at it -- says she doesn't know what it is - writes some code on this pink piece of paper -- gives me an RX for antibiotics and says - I'll need to make an appointment with surgery.

Surgery? For what? You don't even know what it is? Don't you do some tests?

Nah, this is pretty superficial you don't need tests -- they'll just go in and take it out.

I have more questions but she is obviously to busy as she rushes me out the door.

I make my appointments: 1. Surgery for the Anvil 2. Consult with a dermatolgist for the pea pods she won't even look at.

I go back to work - talk to my mom -- and a couple work buddies -- and they all agree that the anvil needs a second opion.

So I call the next closest clinic that is not in the same network as the first -- I'm soo fed up with Mallina by now.

So I call to try and make an appointment.

"You need to call the billing office -- there is a hold on you, we can't make any appointments for you."

Ok so I call the billing office.

"No balance due. You should be able to make appointments"

I call the appointment line.

"There is this pop up I get when I type in your name and I can't make an appointment for you. It's saying something about a bill back in 2004."

I got really sick in 2004 -- didn't have insurance and it took me longer than the average bear to pay off -- but it was paid off.

I call the billing office. Voicemail. I punch zero with visisiitude.

"There shouldn't be a hold on your account -- "
'I know but - they told me that they get this pop up box preventing them from making appointments. I know I was a little slow to pay in the past when I didn't have health insurance-- but this bill has been satisfied.

"Oh, you have insurance? ( -- she now wants my provider name and group number and naming rights for my next pet fish) She said well you should be able to make an appointment -- I just re-checked the system to make sure you weren't blocked."

Call the appointment line -- make an appointment with a bonified Ankleologist. I even looked up his name to make sure he wasn't a NP or PA or a hippie.

I met with the Dr. and the anvil is nothing to worry about. It's not ankle cancer - It's not threatening - it can be deflated but should go down naturally. I don't need ankle surgery after all. Some bodies just get anvils from time to time and it's nothing to worry about. He went through what to watch out for in future inspections of my ankle and reconmended me to a dr that would be able to offer another opinion, and recomended a dr. for another one of my other health issues. He even looked at my pea pods and said they were a normal symptom of my other health issues and not to worry. I did get the "try and go for a walk everyday speech.." but that's ok -- I know that-- I'm just lazy.

1 year

2008-08-07T20:41:00.000-05:00

So 1 year and 1 day ago Dave and I had our first date. Aww how precious.

I know what you're thinking -- "jeez louise another Dave blog." Well, I'm really not a super sap -- nor jumbo mushball -- I have moments, and I really can't help it if they occur when I'm in blog mode so blah!

Ok so 1 year ago we met for drinks -- decided on dinner and since then life hasn't been the same.

So what's so great about Dave anyways? I mean he doesn't eat his vegetables and he doesn't like cats... so he does have flaws...

Prior to Dave -- I was a commitment phobe - I had a string of relationships that were going through the motions but there was no foundation for anything, I would get bored and want to move on after that 3 month window. I'd go on dates and everyone was so fake -- or had ill intentions or just plain creeped me out.

So we took things slow, we never analyzed our relationship, and when everything was fresh and new - we didn't try to define it as a relationship -- so we don't have an "aniversary" like other couples. We've never put ourselves on this "where are we" scale -- cause once you do that you open a new bag of worms. We love eachother and that's about it, we're there for eachother to support one another, and laugh and eat expired meatballs and play UNO when I promise not to cheat, and it's fantastic.

Dave has been phenomenal support for me during my grief. Losing my dad, by far has been the hardest thing I've ever gone through - and Dave's been there for me He knows I'm going to cry for no apparent reason - and he'll just hold me -- knowing he can't make things better but- if he offers a ear, or holds me that I'll know that he's doing everything he can -- and that he hates to see me hurt.

And I'm not a total leech when it comes to support -- I'm there for Dave during his trials and tribulations -- but due to the boyfriend/girlfriend privacy act I'm not at liberty to blog about his ongoings.

So yeah -- 1 year for the former commitment phobe -- who would have thought a year could pass so quickly.

Meatballs

2008-08-07T20:16:00.000-05:00

Sooo the other night I was over at Dave's for dinner.
I was supposed to cook chicken breasts -- but they were frozen. So instead of defrosting we changed our minds on a whim and decided to have meatballs.

You know quick easy- frozen meatballs -- zapped in the microwave, a variety of dipping sauces available from the fridge -- kraft mac n chese for our carbs on the side.

So I'm make the macaroni n cheese - gotta love the blue box. Dave's pulling out the possible dipping sauces -- and I'm putting the meatballs in the microwave. It's at this point I'm looking at his unique and varied condiments.

Honey, this barbeque sauce is expired.

Eh, it only a couple months - it won't kill us.

Fine, you can eat it.

Dave, this other barbeque sauce -- is expired... expired last year.

Manly man throws glass bottle into garbage for dramatic baskball player points.

Honey, let take a look at what else is expired:

Grape Jelly: expired: January 2007
Sour Cream: expired: April 2008
Honey Mustard: expired: February 2008
Yellow Mustard: expired: November 2007
Soy Sauce: expired: June 2007
Ketchup: safe
Ranch Dressing: safe
Blue Cheese Dressing: safe
A-1: June 2008
Sweet n Sour sauce: can not read expiration date-most likely expired
Miracle Marinade: expired: Febraury 2007

Ding. The meatballs are dinging, oh they still need a couple minutes.
I'm draining the noodles as Dave is throwing items into the trash -- so I'm not sure what these expired items were -- but he had several barbeque and steak sauces -- so
I can only imagine the expiration dates.

The meatball bag is still on the counter -- the meatballs are done, and macaroni is done.

Honey, the meatballs are expired.

Well, what do you expect we microwaved them?

No, seriously -- they expired January -- 2006.

Well -- they look fine.

Really?

So now I'm in a position -- he is not at all grossed out by this -- I can make him test a meatball -- but I know he'll just say they are fine, or I can be the brave one and eat a two year old meatball.

I eat it. We wait 15 minutes to make sure I don't get instant gout -
and I don't...

So we eat the meatballs that have been tucked away in the freezer.
Dipped in slightly expired sweet n sour sauce and perfectly made macaroni and cheese -- not expired in the least.

The aftermath consisted of very bad gas -- could have been the herbs and seasoning -- in the meatballs -- but I'm convinced it was our bodies telling us to throw the bag out. This is the first time - Dave has not wanted leftovers wrapped up for the next day.

The next day I was hoping I wouldn't need a butter knife like dear Ava did! And that's as graphic as I'm going to get in the poo poo report. For those of you who have no idea what that means -- think cement in the shape of mighty python.